| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I want some advice on how I should go about getting to know someone at work in a professional manner, without appearing too forthright and desperate. I have been hopelessly in love with a guy from work probably since the first few times I laid my eyes on him. I knew immediately when I first saw him that he was attracted to me, based purely on intuition and from the way that he'd look at me. All of our communication so far has been work-related; I know absolutely nothing about him on a personal level. I am shy and am not too good with casual conversations. Recently my feelings for him have grown tremendously and I find myself completely filled with thoughts of him. This is highly unlike me as I am close to 30 and it amazes me how I could possibly experience a crush on someone I barely know to this extent at my age. My question is how I could go about getting to know him without appearing creepy. All I want to know at this point is whether he is taken. I have also thought about throwing him some compliments when I pass him by in the hallway at work. Although I'm not sure if guys would be impressed by that or simply think I'm trying too hard.
View related questions:
at work, crush, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (13 November 2012):
 First you need to incorporate a few co-workers to find out a little more about him; for instance is he married or engaged? Because if so, I'd ditch the notion of doing anything more. And don't be fooled. Lots of men in happy, fulfilling relationships enjoy the attention of a doe-eyed female co-worker and the ego boost it gives them. Many times what you thought was attraction is nothing serious to them. A little harmless flirting before they go home to the woman they love. So ask a few questions around the office. There must be one or two trusted offce workers that might know something about him so you need to know his status immediately before you waste anymore of your young life. If you confirm from two or three other people that he is indeed single, then proceed cautiously. Msybe bump into him in the coffee room and share a cup of Joe, or invite him out for coffee some time on a week-end. If he's unattached it could work out. But if the romance goes sour, just remember working together will be utterly painful.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): "How can I get to know someone in a professional manner?"
By not being in love with them. You don't get to know some professionally if you love them OP they don't mix.
Personally I think getting with a colleague is a massive mistake but you kind of have to, if only to get closure.
I echo shrodingerscat's idea, just ask him out to lunch.
...............................
A
female
reader, Fender  +, writes (12 November 2012):
Look I volunteer at a local youth center, my organization and we share the space with about at least 6 other programs. Which mean lots people in the building. And the type that needs friendly environment to work in, so i make effort to chit chat with most co-work. Kitchen is the best place for it, it has a very laid back, prefect for non work related conversations. If shy stick to simple, like basic open question i.e how was your weekend? Hows your days, reference the news.
For the if single or not when the right moment i will sneak in lines like
'Hmm i s'
...............................
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (12 November 2012):
 Ask him out to lunch.
...............................
A
female
reader, mooh +, writes (12 November 2012):
when you need to discuss something work related with him, do it in person and make it an excuse to get some coffee so you can also chit-chat about other things then work to get to know him more on a personal level. however, keep in mind that if you guys get together and it doesn't work out, then maybe this will affect your work place.
...............................
|
