A
female
age
30-35,
*bonyBlossom
writes:My boyfriend and I spend a lot of time together, so, like most people, after a few days he needs some time to himself. I totally respect this and when he needs it I let him have it. However I will never understand why people like to spend time on their own. I hate being on my own, there's nobody to talk to and it's so boring and I get lonely. I know it isn't normal because people say 'it's great being on your own, you can do whatever you want', but I just don't enjoy it if there's nobody there to enjoy it with. When my boyfriend goes home, I try and organise to meet up with my mates but they're not always available. Nights are the worst because my parents go to bed early so again I'm left on my own. How can I get to enjoy my time alone? Or will I just always be someone who has to be in company all the time? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sweetcat  +, writes (28 June 2010):
 the problem is not whether you love being by yourself or not. It's just about you really feel "needy" to be with him and the time you spend with him together is really nice and enjoyable. You always have the desire to be with him. Am I right?
Hahaha I understand you! I am on the same boat! Sometimes it's really killing me if I can not meet him.
How is it going with you now? I am still involved in it.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (27 June 2010):
EbonyBlossom is verified as being by the original poster of the question I have a pencil set somewhere that I haven't used in ages, and he should be getting me a bass for Xmas. I've got a keyboard as well but it's harder to play. I'll try and do more of that =]
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 June 2010):
 Mine were just random examples, not knowing your personal tastes. The point is : pick up something that you don't normally do with a bunch of people ,and make it your own, giving it special time and special attention.
The " I wish I could be doing this with other people " applies to many things - mostly,sex :)- but not at all to many others, including anything creative or artistic. You could say , but I am no artist- you'd be surprised! Get yourself a copy of The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron , follow the exercises - which is another good way to pass your time- and see what happens , again , I am confident you'll be surprised.
Maybe I sound too insisting in the attempt of making you do something on your own, but you see, you are a typical
example of what I meant. You are a lucky girl that you get to do a lot of cool,interesting stuff with your boyfriend but then, let's suppose - God forbid and knock on wood - that he ends up in hospital, in jail, working abroad, whatever, what does it mean, that you can't do anything anymore,ever ? No dance,no games, no books, no movies, no nothing ? Everything loses its appeal and its flavour to you,without him ?... Not reasonable,not healthy,and not smart. You can enjoy other people's company AND your own,it's only a matter of making the effort to try.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (27 June 2010):
EbonyBlossom is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy Mum did that Myers Briggs thing once and it seemed really interesting. I guess I'm a bit defeatist really. I mean I spend hardly any time on my own, but when I do I really hate it. I do the things that CindyCares and CaringGuy suggested, but I just think to myself "I could be doing this with someone else" and I do often do those things with other people, and I do them so much that doing them on my own just gets boring. Perhaps I just haven't spent enough time alone to learn how to enjoy it?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (27 June 2010):
 You sound like an extravert, someone who recharges her batteries by being with people. It's perfectly normal; I'd say you might do yourself a favor by learning how to be alone gracefully. There are probably equally as many people who HAVE to recharge their batteries by having quiet time. You have to learn to honor and respect that alone time need, even if you don't understan it.CindyCares had a good suggestion in learning to meditate, amidst her other good advice. I think that perhaps you might take the alone time to learn about yourself and a great and compassionate way to do it is to practice meditation.I also like the Myers-Briggs personality profile as a way to understand yourself and others, and how then to interact with them. I'll see if I can find the link I had for that for you in a bit.So I guess my suggestion for your alone time is to use the time to learn about yourself and others! Doh! :D
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (27 June 2010):
EbonyBlossom is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThing is, I don't really have that much spare time, and a lot of the above I do with my boyfriend. Thanks for your answer though =]
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 June 2010):
Hobbie, hobbies, hobbies. I'm another person who enjoys being alone at times. If you don't like being alone, then perhaps it means that you're not investing enough time in yourself. So, when you're alone, do something you truly enjoy, whether it's walking, photography, cooking, dancing, get a massage. Whatever. But I'd really just sit down and take a look at yourself. People who don't like being alone tend to be missing something within themselves, or they're becoming too dependent on those around them, which is unhealthy. Just invest some time in your own life.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (27 June 2010):
I am one of those people who love being by themselves , and it is a personality trait but also a learnable skill, and a very useful one. If you make your happiness, entertainment and gratification always depend from other people, you are in a very vulnerable position- if that person or persons for any reason leave your life,then you are totally miserable and resourceless.
Just give time to what you like, I can't believe that at your age there is nothing you like !
Read. Cook. Exercise. Listen to music, play an instrument. Draw, paint. Write your diary. Get a dog. Navigate on Internet. Meditate or practice yoga. Watch Tv or DVDs....the list can go on for hours, -just do something that you like to do but you never have time for, whether it be giving yourself a perfect manicure or studying a foreign language !
Also,maybe I am wrong but it sounds like you have got quite some time on your hands, in this case, why don't you volunteer, if you like talking to people you could volunteer in a helpline.
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