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male
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anonymous
writes: I recently broke up with a girl I was with from 22 to 26, we're both the same age, and she was the my first serious girlfriend really. I got an urge to break up as I kept getting a feeling that I missed out in my teen years as I didn't get a girlfriend although did kiss and cuddle a few girls. So I was unhappy and felt I had to do this and I did break up with her in the past year.I recently started to see an 18 year old girl, and she's great and we are happy together. We met on the internet and it's a long distance relationship as she lives about an hour's flight from where I live. The original plan was that we would meet probably just meet the once and I never thought it would turn into a relationship and thought that it would just be some kind of fun and new experience for me, as I'd never been with an 18 year old girl. Before I met her I felt pretty ok, and quite relaxed about it, but since I met her all sorts of feelings have been let loose. It's developed into a relationship as we get on really well and I could never imagine how I've felt. It's quite overwhelming for me as I could never talk to girls in my teens and it's hard now I realise how easy it seems to be and how she loves me. After meeting I had a mixture of good and bad feelings. I felt happy but also suddenly started to think of my late start with the whole relationship thing. The problem is she has quite a different past. She has had about 5 sexual partners from the age of 15, firstly with some guy she regretted over 2 weeks then later to argue. Some serious and some just a few weeks. Thinking about these things I started to feel really bad about how I was in my teens and how different it was. So, we're planning to meet for a 4th time soon for about 5 days, should be great in many ways. I've got my wish to meet someone who wishes to travel, I've been waiting so long to find someone to travel with, the girl I had never wanted to do things like that. The one problem though is that the bad feelings continue about her past and my past in combination. As you can probably see, our pasts are quite different so that part is a bad combination. I can't stop thinking about some of the things she's done and looking at her and knowing her, I can't believe a few things. I'm also jealous because these things never happened to me as I couldn't talk to girls to make these things happen and take any chances until i was out of my teens. How can I put these thoughts to rest and concentrate on the good sides of our relationship? There is also a lot of good to concentrate on also. I just want the bad feelings to go away
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2006): thanks for the advice, the girl i met, we talked for over 2 years first online, and I always knew somehow we would get on well, but I didn't have huge feelings for her before we met so it was a shock to the system meeting, and suddenly realised I cared about her past, I didn't care much when we were online, hopefully it's just a phase.
Harley, basically she realises that I wasn't happy to be in a relationship with her anymore, for a few reasons, and she respects it and understands it, as I'd only been with her, I have a feeling of missing out. I think I can understand your boyfriend, how old are you two? I get the same feelings sometimes, that I'd like to go back to the ex girlfriend but I also feel I want to experience more, but I can't do both. I get urges to call her and send texts still. Basically it's normal, it's human, it's not perfect is it, but when is life. I think he wants you, but it's human to want to try other things, it's not nice, but my feelings were overwhelming, I personally had to do something like this, maybe he had the same overwhelming feelings.
A
female
reader, harley_quinn +, writes (23 September 2006):
 Just curious, when you broke up with the person you were with between 22-26 was it on mutual terms? I just went thru a breakup. My boyfriend and I were together for 4 years. Most of it long distance. Anyways he broke up with me 'cause he said that he now feels he never wants to be with just one person the rest of his life, and now just wants to be friends but when we hang out with each other he acts like we are together (holding my hand, kissing, etc.) yet says we are only friends. Just curious to know from a males point of view what this might mean? Any advice or comments would greatly help. Thank You.
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A
female
reader, Tiagre +, writes (23 September 2006):
I think it's important to remember that it's good to see someone different to you, as it can be a good experience. Obviously her past was drastically different to yours, and there are some things she regrets that you have never had to deal with. Try to see the positive side about it, you can learn things from her, and she can learn from you.
Your pasts do have things in common though, she regrets sleeping with that guy, you regret not being with girls very much. You envy things she's done, but she regrets doing the same things. I think you can easily make an effort to avoid thinking about these things and start concentrating on the good things you said about.
Take care! xxx
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (23 September 2006):
 You never forget you can only see past them things to what you've got and how you don't want to lose that, everyone has a different past to the person they are with some relationship wise some not but what you've got to accept and think about is its the past that makes us who we are today and who she is today is the person you love and maybe if she had, had the same past as you she would be a very different person and you may not be in this relationship you are now.
Good luck :o)
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A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (23 September 2006):
 I dont think you ever can forget completely, the only thing you can do is try to accept it. I am in the same situation myself because of my fiancee's past.
If you do find a method to forget, please tell me the secret.
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