A
female
age
36-40,
*carlettxx
writes:Hi guys :)I've been going out with this great guy for over two months and I really really like him. I've been in horrible relationships prior to this and unfortunately these have left me with bad trust issues and anxiety. I can't seem to enjoy the relationship for what it is because of this. He tells me he's lucky to have me and he introduced to his friends who I get on so well with, I haven't met his sister but she added me on a networking site after he said we'd get on great, she's also lovely, he likes my friends and we have plans to go away next month and he's heading to a wedding with me shortly after yet I still think he's going to dump me and it's ruining things for me.We see each other erratically because he's so busy with work and then he lives out of the city, back home for a few days a week sometimes and I text him last night to say do you still want to meet up this week (we haven't seen each other in a week which is kinda usual for us) but he didn't acknowledge that question today in his text so I'm freaking out... This is how paranoid I am. I don't know if I'm being stupid or not?!He is always a bad texter but he promised me he'd change and he's texting me more now but I'm still worried he's trying to avoid meeting up with me...I know I sound stupid, my rational side says I'm a nut case but it's really ruining my enjoyment of the relationship... Can anyone help me change my frame my mind?Thanks so much,x
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female
reader, Scarlettxx +, writes (29 October 2009):
Scarlettxx is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks so much for the insightful answer :) I'm working on the anxiety, I'm trying to get over it, it's a slow process but hopefully I'll get there and it will be worthwhile :)
A
female
reader, emma2009  +, writes (27 October 2009):
Hello : )From my own experiences I think it's normal that if you've been badly hurt before, then you will have your defences up. In one way, this can be a good thing because it makes you cautious and especially in the early days a protective buffer can be a good thing.BUT, the fact that it is interfering with your current relationship, especially at a time when everything should be rosy and enjoyable as you get to know each other, is a sign that you need to let down your defences to an extent, because the fact is that if you don't take chances and open yourself up to the possibility of love, then you will never find what your looking for. As scary as it is, somtimes we need to open ourselves up and take that chance. I think the answer is that you need to find a balance. Don't become completely vunerable and throw all caution to the wind, but you seem pretty sure at this stage that he is genuine, so as long as you keep your eyes open and trust your instincts you will be fine.
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