A
male
age
30-35,
*anAfterChrist
writes:Hey fellow Aunts; some of you might know me, some not. I haven't really been on for a couple months, but came back on today and decided to ask a question.I'm going to give a bit (well TBH, more than a bit) of background so you understand everything and can fully put yourself where I am. I have sought advice from friends, but really need some advice from you guys, the people who love to think about this stuff and help others out.The main problem: I need to NOT like this girl.Background:A friend of mine dated a girl for 4 years. I met my friend (we'll call him Male, and his girl Female) through work about 3.5 years ago. Through Male, I soon met Female. I met her probably half a year after him, maybe sooner. It's not important.Male and I used to be pretty dang good friends. He didn't have a lot of "true" friends, most of his friends were just rich snobs or people that thought they were the s***. So he started letting me in on his life. At first, all I heard about Female was good things. He really liked her. She's incredibly attractive, actually quite a steal. But soon, a lot of problems entered their scene. He would let me in on these too, and I would give advice (I've always been an Agony Aunt). It wasn't long before I was on the phone with her, fixing their problems. He was a dreadful communicator. Absolutely horrid at listening. So he would hand the phone to me, and I would tell her what his thoughts are, fix the situation, then tell him what his thoughts were. After a few (about 4-6) months of doing this about once a week, I finally told him I couldn't handle carrying their stress around with me. Male had to start fending for himself.Male left my work, but I had introduced him to my circle of friends so he still hung around us. However, we grew apart. He didn't tell me what was up anymore. And when I left the picture, he pretty much bottled up to everyone. Without opening up, he changed. He listened to the world, really. He didn't have anyone to tell him differently. TBH, I feel like I really let him down. He started working out constantly, and eventually took enhancements. He started getting into rages, and whenever I would see Female I'd ask her how everything was, and her responses scared me. He scared her a lot. He was angry, and a bad communicator. However, he really liked her. I think his downfall was the enormous amount of bad influences he had in his life. Well, Female felt alone and afraid. One month, Male hadn't made any effort to contact her for weeks, and she finally had enough. She thought she would find love with other men, and she cheated on Male. Multiple times.Male found out, and they broke up. He was livid at everything and everyone. I tried to be there for him as best I could. I was completely on Male's side, albeit slightly sympathetic towards Female. Male and I grew pretty close again for about a month, but then I went off to college. We grew apart again.He went crazy with performance enhancers and working out. He completely changed person. He did gain a LOT of muscle, and he knew it. He thought he was top dog. He could get any girl he wanted. I came back for Thanksgiving break and unfortunately found in him a completely different person.5 months after Male and Female broke up, they got back together. He forgave her, and she him. Things were well as long as Female submitted to what Male wanted. He was very jealous (and rightfully so) of other guys around her. However, he created scenarios in his head that weren't true, thinking her flirting with guys at parties while he's standing there, when it's nothing more than saying hi to classmates. The anger grew, and he quit caring about her at all. He recently broke up with her, for good, and he said he had wanted to for a couple months but just didn't. He hasn't been affected at all, and he hardly wants to talk to me. But she knew of one person who would understand the situation and who had always been there for her: me.I helped her through the break up. I talked to her, consoled her, and then called Male and told him everything of what was said, and if there was anything he couldn't communicate to her that I could help him out with. Surprisingly, he did open up a little. He expressed some things that I relayed to her. The breakup was now peaceful, and resolved.Then Female and I started hanging out.I've never viewed her as anything but a friend, even when intimately talking to her all the time, and usually siding with her in arguments. But recently, I can't stop thinking about her. I have grown affection for her beyond friendship, and want to date her. But I can't. I can't do that to Male; I can't break bro-code. This woman is breathtakingly beautiful. She is smart, dedicated, underrated, and one of the most sincere and nicest people I've ever met.How can I not like her? I really don't want to break bro-code. She's my man's ex, and even though him and I aren't close any longer, I know I would never be able to do that. So how can I get her off my mind? Many times, I've found myself writing texts to her about dinner, or having her number pulled up ready to call, but I cancel knowing the implications. I really need help getting out of this. I know it was a lot to read, but I want you to be able to be in my situation. I've shared many intimate moments with her, and she has recently shown she feels trust and intimacy with me as well. All the previous moments we had as friends have really multiplied the current feelings, and I don't know how to get rid of it all. But I want to. I really need some advice. Thank you for reading this, and for any responses.In Christ,Brennan.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (20 June 2010):
ManAfterChrist is verified as being by the original poster of the question "Isn't that enough?"
Yes, it really is. Thank you. Just hearing that was a reliever. I just couldn't see clearly, I needed someone else to do it for me.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): "Well, Female felt alone and afraid. One month, Male hadn't made any effort to contact her for weeks, and she finally had enough. She thought she would find love with other men, and she cheated on Male. Multiple times."
Isn't that enough?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): Youvwe been there for her through all this as a friend , I think you should keep ot that way. Unless she makes a move without you pushing for it.
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