A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, im a 19 year old female and around 5 months ago at a work function i ended up hooking up with my 36 year old manager. we both decided against going home together and it happened under the influence of a serious amount of alcohol. but after that it seemed we couldnt stay away from each other. we were meeting in secret after work and on weekends, both of us tried to end it at different points mostly due to our own insecurities and issues from our respective past experiences, which havent been too flash. i have major issues trusting men after a couple of not so nice ex's and he hasnt had such a great run with women in the past. but eventually we both moved passed all that and while we occasionally have arguments (what couple doesnt) we are genuinely happy together, and very much in love (its a mutual feeling). i trust him and love him no matter what. he definately has trust issues and doesnt completely trust me, but i understand and thats something we are working on, we work well together even though he is my superior at work. we do very well with seperating home and work life. i spend 4 out of 7 nights a week at his place (he's not a fan of my room mate) and everything is wonderful. so whats the problem?everyone else!i dont like keeping secrets from people. but only our closest friends know. my best friend happens to be another manager at our workplace and therefore the only person outside of us at work who knows. we have to keep it secret from our big boss and my coworkers, and alot of my friends and family. those family members that do know(mainly my mother) are extremely unsupportive. she make horrible accusations, and clearly knows nothing about me or him as a person ( being that she refuses to meet him she hasnt actually given him much of a chance) i understand that she wouldnt be entirely supportive of her daughter dating a much older man, but i expect her to understand that i'm an adult and respect that. basically what im asking is:am i asking too much in expecting people to respect my decision to be with this man and not judge me so harshly for my choices? how do i get everyone to see how happy i am and accept the choice ive made to be with this man?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 August 2010):
You have the right to want them to accept who you are and your choices. Everyone else has the right to not accept it, and criticize you. That's the way the world works. If it didn't, there would be a lot more problems than there already are.
I often answer questions about people looking for acceptance for actions from family and friends. And I always say the same thing. There is nothing you can do to make them understand, nothing you can do to make the accept and nothing you can do to make them get to know him. Not a thing. If they don't like your choice, they have a right not to accept it, just as you have the right to defend it.
To be honest, it's not just the age of this man. It's his whole persona. He doesn't trust you and has brought his problems with him. You have your own problems. He's your boss. You got together when drunk. That's the problem everyone has here. The moment there is an argument, or someone becomes too distrustful, this could blow up.
So, if you're happy, carry on. But you can't expect people to like a choice that is questionable. Your family and friends are not 'yes men'. They offer advice, and show displeasure when unhappy. You just have to take it and prove them wrong.
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