A
female
age
30-35,
*opelessRomantic2010
writes:Dear Cupid,Why does it seem to be okay for a 19-year-old guy to date a 16-year-old-girl...but a newly-17-year-old girl cannot peacefully date an almost-14-year-old guy? I've been with my boyfriend (we're in the second situation)for a little over a month, and I couldn't be happier. We both love each other a whole lot, and everything is going great. When we first got together, we were going to keep it secret from everyone (only a handful of people knew). Soo, we tried the whole little Romeo-and-Juliet-secret-romance thing, but then, I decided that I wanted to tell people. He agreed (because he had been okay with telling people from the start), and we went public. His friends, naturally, thought it was pretty cool, and all my friends said that they were okay with it as long as he was treating me right and making me happy and all that good stuff. Our parents are okay with it (his parents are four years apart, so they're kind of in the same boat), too.The only bad thing is that sometimes, people tease me about dating him. And they're people who have said that they don't see anything wrong with it! I think they're just joking, but I'm not sure. They say they are, but sometimes, it's kind of hard to tell. Then, there are people who don't approve of it at all. Today, I actually had someone accuse me of being a child molestor, which really hurt (we're not having sex, and we don't plan to--though we do make out a lot). I have a friend who is sixteen and dating a nineteen-year-old, and she doesn't get NEAR as much crap as I do...when she and this guy have actually had sex. Why do people seem to be okay with a guy having sex with an underaged girl, but when a girl gets with a boy who is younger (and neither one of them are overaged) and all they do is kiss, it's like it's a crime? And how can I get past the teasing?~Fed Up~
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): In teen years, three years is a lot. The younger the are, the more diffrence there is. I would think the same if it was a older boy and younger girl.
A
female
reader, katatonik +, writes (3 December 2008):
 Girls tend to mature faster than boys so often a teenage girl has to date a little older than herself if she wants someone in the same range of maturity. What is the age of consent in your state? I'm assuming it has to be 17 or above since you cite the 16-year-old girl as "underage." Your relationship with your boyfriend is not problematic now because both of you are underage. What about when you are "newly 18" and he is "almost 15"? To put things in perspective for you, you will be 22 years old before you can do anything sexually with this boy and not be at risk of legal action for statutory rape. As long as you are fine with this, you have nothing to worry about. Enjoy your relationship and ignore the naysayers; I can guarantee you that guys dating younger girls get teased for "cradle robbing" as well.
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