A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi. this is my question- I'm a very strong person (as emotional content)in a relationship. When i first begin a new relationship seems that im very distant on the outside, but really im going crazy on the inside. I do not like to show that i'm vulnerable until we been together longer (like after a month). Also i'm not big on PDA, to me its a private thing and not for the whole world to see and watch. My friends say i shouldnt be afraid to be vulnerable with my boyfriend. But the thing is am not afraid. To tell you the truth im not even sure why i do. so if you think you can help me i would love that. I want to know how i can be more open in a sort period and whatever else you think. thanks so much
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. you were very helpful.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): I think you don't need to change this thing about you. Keeping your guard up for awhile until someone has earned your trust is an indication that you are intelligent, and you have some strong ego boundaries. These are good traits, not bad ones.
In order to be vulnerable with a member of the opposite sex, you have to have a feeling of safety and trust. It takes more than a month to learn about someone's character. It sounds to me like you are doing just fine....especially for a young girl such as yourself.
In my opinion, boyfriends at this age are just the icing on the cake. Go out and be your own person first, learn about you and who you are and what you like and be friends with boys first, the romance will come in good time when you are ready. You are very young and perhaps you aren't ready for all that serious stuff. Have fun first and foremost and enjoy being a kid with little or no responsibilities, there is a time in life for everything and this is not the time of your life to be worried about your openess to the opposite sex. Guys your age don't make very good boyfriends, they only have sex on the brain, seriously it is true.....they will act as if they love you and if you give in to quickly, more often than not they dump you like a hot potato because they no longer respect you. Keep up your personal boundaries and don't cross them just to get a boyfriend.....if someone really likes you they will take the time to get to know you, be your friend and just be happy to be in your presence.
Take care.
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