A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is a repeating question of first love, how can I get past mine? It's been 4 years since we ended now, we did keep in contact which didn't help. Anyway it ended with her with another man but she kept me holding on for a bit after. So now I'm picky I don't find that many women I really like, I want that that feeling of way your amazing but it doesn't happen.Also I can randomly get myself down as things either remind me of her or I picture her with another man, she works in a hospital ,I was in one the other day, and randomly thought I bet she ends up with a young doctor. Which wound me up.I don't really trust women, but if I do maybe like one, I either beat myself up and think I'm not worth it, but then I do meet a girl I like , sometimes little things put me off them. I know I couldn't get with that ex as I could not treat her as nice as before and I don't wanna know how many chaps she has slept with since. It just gets me down I can't move forward Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCheers guys, the thing is when I was with her she was an obsesive one, and I wasn't. I think the issue is I did see her as amazing and always felt I would lose her. While at the time she was giving it her all. I kind of gave up and left her alone for a while, then when I realised what I lost I went back to her and she had this man, the mad part is she would'nt let me go for 9 months ( yep I should of ran away right away ) I kind of feel if. I gave it my all I would be happy and would of made her happy. Thanks guys I just need to man up. It's just hard when you don't see happiness at the end of the tunnel ha
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): You are suspended in time. You will only move forward when yo decide it's time to let go.You have never let go or moved on. You are that boyfriend that novels are written about and every woman fantasizes about. You love til it hurts. You suffer for being rejected and you love forever. You are the living love song.My friend. Stop living in the past and move into the present, and prepare yourself for your future.You are too deep and way too intense, and maybe more than she could handle in one guy. The first love is always the hardest to let go. They were your first bike without training-wheels.However; your emotional growth and health is dependent on your ability to grow and move on. She taught you what love feels like. You had the greatest moments of your life with her. This is only the beginning. You are mending a broken heart.She was only your "first." Not your only. You have to experience love, so you'll know what it feels like.Sometimes it's only where we begin. Then you must meet other challenges. That's life. So get a grip.Let me teach you a few things you need to know, young man.Our "first" introduces us to our feelings. They open a door and start us on an emotional journey. That journey will eventually lead us to the person that is right for us. You will meet and love others. You will learn from your mistakes. If you don't, you will repeat them until you do. You will be given time to tweak your weaknesses in preparation for...the one.You have to understand, that she is the past. You are now in the present. She is your ex. She doesn't want or need you anymore. She made you a man. You take it from there.You are a sweet and loving guy who deserves to find love. So now it is time for you to cut ties, man up, and check out all your prospects. You are young, single, and free! Life has only just begun!You first have to stop obsessing, and take her off that pedestal. If she was perfect, she wouldn't have broken your heart. If it was meant to be, you would still be together.You now live in the present and she is not here with you.Therefore; she isn't meant to be in your future, so you must now change. You are young, and so much more life is before you. Take a deep breath, shake it off, and celebrate your youth.You're supposed to be happy. You're not sick. You're not old and shriveled. You are single, and there are girls out there just waiting to meet you. You are not yet ready to meet them. You have some healing to do. My friend, you exhibit some arrested development that requires time in order for you to catch up; because your post says you are falling just a little behind.You must look inward and see what it was about you that she didn't want to keep. You have to prepare yourself for someone else. You don't have to compare women to your ex,you have to appreciate what they have that is better. Who says she was so perfect? Who says you weren't good enough?There is someone out there who will make you feel loved, only if you give her a chance. You limit your options by comparing and looking for a clone of your ex. You will never find one. Be thankful. That would be boring.Your post says you are not ready. You still need time for healing and to work on your self-esteem. You are emotionally immature and a little damaged.She isn't perfect. You placed her on a pedestal and you worshiped her. No woman is comfortable with that, no one deserves that status. Dude, get a grip on yourself.Really???Read your post and look how needy and desperate you come across. That's not really who you are. It was who you were.Time to grow up, and move on. She left a tattoo on your heart. She will always be your first. She is not your last.Take time to heal. Read all you can about recovering from a breakup. Read books to help you to rebuild self-esteem. Do not meet girls on the rebound. Either they will break your heart or you will break theirs. Rebound relationships are meant to self-destruct. They happen for all the wrong reasons.Be a man. You are no longer a boy. She partially made you a man by teaching you how to love a woman. Now go forth and rebuild yourself and prepare for your future. Love yourself first. That's how you prepare to love others, and it makes you worthy to be loved. Life didn't end with that one girl. It has only just begun. Obsessing is not healthy, so place her memory in the back of your heart where she belongs. Work on yourself a little.Good luck!
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