A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My and ex and I split up in March and ive taken it badly. We split because we argued a lot and he had money problems. Ive been in turmoil ever since. Ive blocked him from facebook and changed my number and tried to move on with my life. He started dating just 2 weeks after we split. We were together for 3 years. I would say that it has been the most painful past few months of my life. In the last few weeks I made a real conscious decision to get over this. I started dating someone new and today for the first time in a long time I felt happy and he wasn't on my mind at all. I had a lovely day with my boyfriend until I saw my ex come out of the shop. He looked happy and handsome and my heart literally stopped. When I got home I broke down in tears. And now all I feel is pain and heartache. I'm so worried I will never get over him. I can't stand the fact he is with someone else and happy especially as I know the girl is not the right one for him and is using him as a rebound. It breaks my heart cos my love for him was genuine and he threw that away to be with this woman who does not care. Before people ask how I know she is using him I don't want to go into such a long story but I just know she is. I was his first love and his first proper relationship and we went through so much and I can't believe he would throw that away. I'm tortured with thoughts of him in love with her. I worry that he gets on with her better. And it kills me that I'm devastated while he doesn't seem to care one bit. I can't get through this anymore. I keep thinking that if I didn't have my little boy from a previous relationship then I would just pack up and run away for good. I literally am at Rock bottom please someone tell me how I can get through this. I am 32 years old. My ex is 28
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2015): I went through a divorce which was very painful. I did not deal with it at the time and I am only dealing with it now - 40 years later! I pushed the pain from my mind, but it always affected my next relationships.What I have learned is that it is impossible to "just get on with life" until you have reached resolution on what has happened to you. You are grieving for the loss of your relationship. Do not try to push it out of your mind, it would just stay hidden there. It is good to cry for your loss and to talk to a someone who will let you cry and listen to you. If you rush into a new relationship now, you will be tempted to ignore the unresolved issues from the past. Don't do that, wait until you have truly resolved the old issues. Remember the good times and see if they outweigh the bad ones from that relationship. If they do, try to say "I'm thankful I had a relationship with him".Examine the good, the benefits that will come from your separation and also examine the bad. If the good outweighs the bad, then try to say, "I'm thankful that we separated." It's hard to do, but if you can do it, the pain will eventually fade and you will have reached resolution. Perhaps you could find someone to help you do this.good luck.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (20 September 2015):
 Your submittal "says" to me that - following your breakup - you crave to find a new "relationship" that would fill the void which occurred when the other failed.....
There's no reason to believe that you can't be "by yourself" following a breakup... until, or unless, you find some guy who really turns you on and you want to spend time with him.
You are not alone... we get so many submittals, here on Dear Cupid, that say, "I've broken up with my Hunchy-Bunchy and I'll be in despair until I have a new Hunchy-Bunchy..." That's B/S.... to quote one of our world's most esteemed feminists: "A woman NEEDS a man, like a FISH needs a bicycle..."
Enjoy yourself and your independence.... and get on with life....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2015): I thought you said you split because of money problems - not this new woman? Or did he just use the money as an excuse?
Whatever happened I feel your pain. I have been split with my ex since Christmas because of another woman & it still hurts! I think it does help to have blocked him out of your life but only time can really heal. Keep yourself entertained anyway possible & that will keep your mind off him.
Heartbreak is awful & it does take time - you just need patience.
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