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How can I get over these invasive visions of him reconciling with her?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 August 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 19 August 2010)
A female United States age 51-59, *hlinki writes:

Ive been dating this wonderful man for about four months now...and we are planning on getting married and spending the rest of our lives together...he is a soldier and is currently in korea...he is divorced and has been for a couple of years prior to meeting me...he has previously told me that hes totally over his ex...they split up initially because she cheated and then filed for a divorce...she then wanted to work things out with him and he tried but just couldnt get over the fact that she had been with someone else so he left...he has four children that he loves dearly...and hasnt seen them for over a year...he is finally going on vacation for 15 days to visit his children...and i truly am happy for him because he talks about his kids so much and i know how much he misses but i cant get over the worry of him spending so much time with his ex wife...i have briefly expressed my concern and he has told me basically that i have nothing to worry about that he loves me and she doesnt compare but i still have these invasive visions of him reconciling with her....how do i handle this?

View related questions: divorce, ex-wife, his ex, split up

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A female reader, shlinki United States +, writes (19 August 2010):

shlinki is verified as being by the original poster of the question

red ninja i have not meet his kids yet

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A female reader, shlinki United States +, writes (19 August 2010):

shlinki is verified as being by the original poster of the question

clayton we have officially been a couple for four months...but we have known each other for much longer.

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A male reader, clayton United States +, writes (19 August 2010):

youv been togeather for 4 months and want to get married? how old are you and how much older is he then you?

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A female reader, shlinki United States +, writes (19 August 2010):

shlinki is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you Romany!!

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A female reader, romany United Kingdom +, writes (19 August 2010):

romany agony auntYou have to learn to handle this, you have no other option, he has given you as much reassurance as he can, and you know that he was the one who opted out of the attempted reconcilliation.

What you need to do, is realise how important you are to him, and understand that he was lucky to have someone as great as you after being married to a woman that broke his family up and took him away from his children for a year, imagine yourself in his shoes, and some man had done all the things she has done to him, could that man take you from your lovely boyfriend?

So have faith in his feelings for you.

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A female reader, ReDNinJa United States +, writes (19 August 2010):

Do his children get along with you is the first thing you should think about secondly...we all have trust issues its nothing new but we have to learn have to deal with it..There's things we have to realize you have to separate trust from love..

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