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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: hi everyone,i need help. i miss my ex so much. i did a mistake by calling him the other day. he tried to be nice, but i was and still hurting for the fact that now he thinks of me as a friend (actually more like an acquaintance) like we were b4 we got together. to me, i still think of him. still hoping he would ask me to come back or something like that (although i did try to tell myself he will never come back).i know when a couple broke up, they don't keep in touch. but i just can't help it. i miss him so much. i miss him in so many way including the conversation we used to had bout funny thing or serious things or simply gossips and even the intimacy we used to had. i am guessing when he said he will call me sometimes is just to make me feel better for a moment. he never did call unless he saw my miss calls, then he will call back. he never initiates to make any call (except one time). and yesterday, he said the meanest thing to me, 'it is my off day and i am not going to spoil it by calling you'. i was crushed.how can he forget bout me so quickly? we had been together for two years. we never had any on-off-on-again relationship, but we did had a 1 week break, one month after our 1 year anniversary.how to make this painful feeling stop? it is so painful. i have been crying now and then. i didn't notice this until recently, my eyes are kinda swelling. i am guessing it because of my crying. i have tried almost everything in the book bout breakup, yet i still find myself having so much pain.please help me.. it has been almost 3 months and i feel nothing but pain in my heart. i laughed, but i am actually having huge pain inside. help me please..
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male
reader, xnickx  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 well said, oregongrll. I dont think it can be put anybetter than that.
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (12 August 2010):
I was going to suggest that you make a list! i did that w/ my ex- and it helped trimendously i looked at it everyday when i got up and before i went to bed! i made a list of the bad and the good! and of course the bad out weighed the good!
and it's ok to feel like you will hate him those are all natural feelings, you will go through so many you will cry you will be sad you will be mad you will hate him and you will love him! all on different days! have you ever heard the saying you have to take 2 steps back to feel the pain in order to take 1 step forward to get past it. then the healing process starts but it comes from with in you. reconize your strong points not your weak points stay busy hang w/ positive people and don't just make him the focus point of your conversations give yourself a break. the less you talk about him the more you will realize your healing from your heart. thats where you are making your biggest mistake you are trying to not let go and its causing you pain there is nothing wrong w/ moving on.... and if he loves you let him make all the moves and prove to you he is worthy of you and your relationship! so for right now enjoy you and live you will be fine! and know its ok to hurt its part of life and a healing process and you do get through it promise you but you have to believe in you again girl! i would rather laugh love and smile and let him know he did not get the best of me.
Best Wishes again!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi everyone,
thank you for the reply. it helps to know someone out there experiencing this too. i had been with him for two years. we broke up a month after our 2nd anniversary (just like before).
i did go to spa and gym and movie to get over him. it is not easy. now and then, i think of him. i did anything in the book says on how to forget him, but i slipped back now and then.
Oregongrl1 is right, actually part of me do want him back. honestly i do. i really tried to calm my hope by telling myself 'he doesn't love you anymore' or 'you mean nothing to him' i sometimes beg with myself 'please please just forget about him. please'.
one thing i wonder, how do you get closure? do i really have to make a list of bad things about him? i am really afraid that i might develop a hatred or regret towards him if i do that. i do however, talk to my friend. mostly with this particular girl who also had her heart broken. i don't want to hate him, but sometimes i feel so angry at him.
tell me what am i to do to get this closure?
thank you so much..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): I just had this happen, and I understand the pain.
The previous answers are right about getting involved in other things. Somehow the combination of time and regular activity that builds you and your future does really work. You can break through the pain.
One of the hardest parts for me was the things that reminded me of him. It was songs and restaurants we went to, and places we would hang out. One day I got so tired of carrying the agony that I decided to kill it by facing it. For the songs that reminded me of him, I felt like just giving up what I was doing at the moment because of the sadness, like I would stop lifting weights or working. So one day I just said I'm facing it and played "our" songs and forced myself to think positive things and stay with my workout, and think of everything good and not about him. That was a breakthrough and it was good. I then went to the restaurants we would frequent, with a friend or alone, and stay there forcing myself to think of goals and anything positive outside of him, and that really worked! So the pain of the memories greatly reduced because I disciplined my thinking when I was around something that reminded me of him.
I think the fastest thing for me was when I pointed out all his flaws that would have made life unbearable. For some crazy reason, it was not only humorous, but took a huge weight off. Like I was totally sprung for a guy who talked bad about all women and was constantly clubbing with his cheating married brothers. Which means, I would have been at risk to be married to him while he was clubbing and I'm at home and he's out there talking bad about me. So when I realized that would have happened if we stayed together, I was greatly relieved it was over.
Hang in there - you will get past it because you want to.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (11 August 2010):
You know what i would do? it's a long shot but it's better then nothing. first take a deep breath slow down and meditate your thoughts about who you are and what you are. putting yourself through you are not making the right decisions because you are confused not about loving him but how to get him back! and thats where you are going about it all wrong! you are scaring him off further away from you. you need to respect his wishes and how he feels not just how you feel and want the pain to go away what about his pain have you ever asked him? give him some breathing room as well as yourself and show him you are one hell of a lady how do you think you got him in the first place? there was something that attracted him to you right. ok! and remember you cannot make someone love you if he doesn't anymore so know that in your heart! if he doesn't want to come back and i know that it is not what you want to hear but you have too! rejection is so hard to get past! it's ones self lonelyness so you need to fill that void w/ something good and moping around only compounds it get up and move go places see people and here it is let him see you vibrant and smiling and laughing and living again dress up love life thats what men love about woman and they love a strong independent responsible woman be her you can do it. and in the mean time either way you cant lose because you are going to realize before you even know it that you are ok now. and if he comes back he does and if he doesn't you'll be like not even thinking about it i promise you please doing something about it is better then doing nothing how can you accomplish anything it's worth a try win him back but don't get any false hopes ok.
Best Wishes!
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A
female
reader, kayjaydeex  +, writes (11 August 2010):
its completely normal to be feeling this way im sure any other girl would be, if i was you if he isnt bovered , when my ex dumped me i made a list of all his bad points and from then on it became clear to me he wasnt as good as he seemed , i guess the only thing that keeps us thinking their amazing is because we loved them for so long, that when the worst happens all we want to do is remember the good times and in this circumstance it certainly isnt x
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): I know it is really hard, and it is so much easier said than done.
I have been in your place, but obviously we are in different circumstances and when I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years I was heartbroken. And it didnt help when people told me " many people go through this" and "just give it time" but it really is true.
You just have to take each day by day and try and get involved in a new hobby or something to keep you busy and take your mind off him. It sounds like you not only lost your ex but your best friend too, which I understand.
But also I agree with the other answers of he still must have feelings for you, but is something called tough love. He is giving you both space for the benefit of you both in the long term. its harder to get over someone if they are still always in and out of your life. so give yourself a time limit such as a fortnight of not talking to him and everytime you want to speak to him, write a letter or draft text just never send it. I know it sounds daft, but it really does help.
Eventually, you'll realise that something good will come out of this dire experience. You'll realise your strength to get through it, and if you do find another relationship itll help you realise that all the pain was worth it.
You will be ok. and one day you may look back on this and be able to help others in the same situation with your advice.
just take it day by day. I wish you all the best :)
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A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (10 August 2010):
Eventually, the pain will soothe. Its a matter of just you letting go. Honestly being friends makes the whole getting over process much harder to deal with.
Let go, go have fun with your friends. He’s indicated he’s only being nice, so cut him out of your life. Honestly, it will be better for both of you if you go your separate ways. You said you don’t understand how he could be over it so fast. If you can, go seek closure from him before you cut it off. Try putting your feelings on paper, write poetry, or songs if you’re musically inclined. Other than that, in my experience time is the only miracle cure for getting over a broken heart.
As for ‘how is he already over it’, typically guys are over relationships much sooner than females, one reason because the guy is usually the one who cuts it off, so they have the reason (be it another girl, or just petty stuff) and the confidence, which leaves the girl wondering, and without confidence.
If you need anything else or if i misunderstood something in your question, let me know, and I’ll be happy to help.
Nick.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): You were together for a year, he's not going to forget you.
If you keep on contacting him, the moving on process will be longer and harder. So the best thing to do is make closure asap, that means no contact whatsoever. It's hard at the beginning but trust me, it does get easier over time.
During the closure process, spend time with your friends, do things that you couldn't do when you were with your boyfriend. Pamper yourself! Go out and have the time of your life! Do whatever you can to distract yourself from thinking about your ex.
You're going through a natural and healthy process of grieving and expressing your feelings towards this. However for guy's they express their feelings differently, they usually keep themselves to themselves and will do anything to distract themselves from the reality of the break up.
Good luck, you'll be fine
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