A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hey allokay, heres the story. over the past month, 2 people who are really close to me have passed away, one (being my grandfather) died (but we are all happy for him, cuz he was suffering cuz he was forced to live on an oxygen tank for years). The second (just 2 days ago) was a good friend of mine who had committed suicide (never imagined him doing so).Also, i heard that what triggered him to do this was due to his ex breaking up with him (cuz he loved her so goddamn much)Is there any way that i can get over this without this impacting my relationship with my girlfriend? I love my girlfriend as much as he loved his, so thinking of him only makes me question about whether i should get caught up in love or not.thanks a ton!!!
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female
reader, love crazy +, writes (5 November 2006):
hi there im sorry for ur losses, i understand what u are going through. i lost my grandfather a couple of weeks ago and i was very very close to him. i miss him like crazy, and im still not over it, still crying at times, and constantly bring up memories of us and others. its tough to handle. and i know from personal experience that ur grandfathers death and ur friends is not going to be easy to get over, and really ur never going to get over it. u will just cope with easier as time goes on. i also lost and uncle in 1993 to suicide and an uncle in 2001 in a house fire just a couple of months before my highschool grad. i still mourn and miss them, but i have accepted the fact there gone, and i honor them to this day in any way i can (spiritual)my grandfather died at 91 years old and i was also is nurse so i watched his health go down hill, he was in constant pain, which caused me pain. dont try to hide ur feelings and emotions. since my grandfathers death i have thought a lot about my 5 relationship and how it could be better and really how unhappy i feel in it at times. death of people near to u make u stronger for some reason, and appreciate things and others more. grieve all u want and if ur concerned about ur girlfriend and the possibility of things going wrong. talk to her openly and talk to her about ur fears and insecuritiesif u have any other questions or need someone to talk to that is going through what u are, just write to me ok.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2006): I am very sorry for your losses. Yeah, the death of your grandfather was a blessing, but you will still miss him, and the suicide of your friend is very upsetting because it brings up all sorts of fears about why you didn't know he would do that, and was he justified in doing it because of love./// The answer to that, is no of course not, your friend was severly depressed and needed medication and therapy to help him cope....if you ever feel that badly over this, look for that kind of support as well...it shows strength to get help, as suicide is a cowards way out really.
The answer to your question, how can I deal with these losses without affecting my relationship? is you can't, you have to go through the stages of grief and it is a process that your significant other can be there at your side for a shoulder to cry on....This will bring you closer, not farther apart if you let her in....just give yourself time to grieve, be nice to yourself, don't take on any huge committments at this time, just pamper yourself for now and all will be well in time as life has to go on for the living you know!
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A
female
reader, Keeley +, writes (5 November 2006):
 Hiya
Firstly may I say sincerely I am sorry for your loss. Without taking too much away from you right now I must say I know what you are going through as I had a similar experience which I am still dealing with.
Secondly as you are fully aware of breavement is one of the hardest things mankind has to face if not the most hardest. We as humans find it hard to deal with grief and act differently according to our own inner spirits some people can show they cope well on the outside yet behind close doors they fall apart. Right now you need to be around family and friends this includes your girlfriend but at any point it all seems to much for you to be around her PLEASE DO ME A FAVOUR tell her cos she will understand and if for any bizzare reason she does not then hey you know what your not meant to be together!
But having said all of this you need to ask yourself would your Grandfather/Friend want you to stand still in time and not be happy in love Yeah you know the answer to this too.
Remember them always, but live your life as you will keep the memory of your loved ones that have passed in your heart and mind forever.
Big Love
Let us know what happens
Keeley
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