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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Ok, I am an ugly 20 year old (don't tell me I'm beautiful, you haven't even seen me, and I've been told many times by many different people that I am ugly). Men never check me out, etc. It's not lack of confidence because I know beautiful unconfident girls who get a lot of attention.How can I get past the negative feelings that my ugliness causes in me? My self esteem is always low. I know there are millions and millions of prettier girls either in porn or the media and in real life. Lookswise I just can't compete. Despite the fact that looks aren't everything, there is still a lot of emphasis put on looks so it's hard to just ignore it and feel good about myself.I have a boyfriend but my insecurity is ruining the relationship. He's always nice and sweet to me, but of course he thinks other women are more attractive (he's told me that, he says it's inevitable) and that makes me resent him. I just don't know what to do. I never check out other men, honestly. I'm sick of the obsession with looks. if you're not beauty pageant material nobody treats you right (because people are usually meaner to ulgy individuals) or even cares to get to know you. And it sucks to have a boyfriend, knowing that he checks out other women and porn (and of course from what I've read in these forums, most guys agree on the same thing... guys will always check out other women, it's their nature and practically a right of theirs).Help. I just wish I was blind sometimes so I wouldn't see myself in the mirror and then see other prettier women who get all the attention and praise, and so I couldn't look at my boyfriend when he sees a better looking female, makes me feel like he deserves someone gorgeous instead of my ugly self.I know you people say that the body and face are just shells for what really matters, but if you take a look at the real world, you'll realize that humans are just shallow, and thus a lot of them care a lot about the outside... men and women alike (just look at what happened to Susan Boyle, everyone mocked her and doubted her talent only because she's not conventionally attractive... whereas people like Katherine McPhee sing awfully, yet she's famous and well-liked).Anyway, how can I just ignore prettier women and the fact that I'm ugly and that my boyfriend thinks other women look better? I know I'll never feel good about how I look, I just want to know how to ignore this and feel neutral towards the situatuion. Thanks.
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confidence, porn, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (21 June 2009):
 Focus on your good points and say something positive in the mirror everyday to yourself. It takes a while to change someones mindet, it takes even longer to do it alone. You may want to see a counsellor? X
A
female
reader, I am Othello +, writes (21 June 2009):
 I am afraid you are right. Lots of the population do find the outside more important than the inside - but that part of the population is not worth knowing! Inside IS what counts - a real relation ship will only work if you find them attractive on the inside. Think about it for a minute. A sexy woman will get 10 times as much more attention than an ugly person (oh and by the way - how do you know you are ugly? I've seen gorgeous men hanging around with my sister - and believe me, she is definitely not the best sight in the world...), but only 2 percent of those people will be worth even dating! An old man who is rich seems to attract gold diggers - same with young rich people. In a way you are so lucky - men who are attracted to you WILL want YOU, your personality, your humour and kindness, and evntually your looks!
Don't worry, because in the end, you will get want you want (and beauty should never be what you want... learn to live with yourself, and others will learn to live with you.)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): Right you contradicted yourself you said about your boyfriend :
'He's always nice and sweet to me,'
and then you say
:
'if you're not beauty pageant material nobody treats you right '
Obviously you have just said that you don't have beauty pageant looks but your boyfriend treats you right!
Congratulate yourself on finding someone who loves you for you! He finds other woman attractive, but he finds you attractive otherwhise he wouldn't be with you! just remember that.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (21 June 2009):
 everybody feels bad about their looks time to time this is normal. we all have insecurities.
the thing is just because people tell you your ugly doesnt mean you have to believe it.
if you believe your beautiful you honestly are, dont let others dictate what they define as beauty onto you.
you cant ignore pretty women they are all around you, the trick is to not compare yourself to them, but make the most of your own assets.
secondly when i was alot younger i used to be called ugly in school, but I NEVER BELIEVED IT, i never did, i thought of myself as a beauty queen, and guess what happened? after a few years the dorky teen turned into a charming girl and inundated with offers of dates and love.
the thing is dont forget what your inner qualities are, develop them and develop your confidence, thats where real beauty lies.
if your bf is telling u other women are better than you dump him. get rid, let him find someone sooo perfect if he's so shallow.
concentrate on you, have u tried a new hairstyle? makeup? tried a new wardrobe? i wish i was there i would have helped you!
be grateful you arent disfigured like so many are in the world.
make a slow effort to make urself feel better every day. stick notes on your mirror confirming your inner beauty.
its not an easy process but if you believe in yourself that you are good, it will shine out.
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