A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, im finding it very hard to get over my ex-boyfriend. We split up about a month ago. I was very much inlove with him so i was devastated when he broke up with me. he didnt really give me any valid reasons so it was very hard to accept it. After a while, i picked myself up and tried to move on. I went out socialising with friends, put all reminders of him away and limited contact with him. Finally I thought i was finally getting over him.... until the other nite when i was out clubing with my friends he text me asking to meet him and i agreed. I suppose deep down i was hoping for a reconsiliation. We had both had a couple of drinks, but i wasnt drunk. Anyway one thing led to another, we ended up kissing and he came back mine where we slept together. In the morning we woke up and i asked him if he regretted it and he said no, i didnt regret it either. I asked him if he wanted to get back together with me and he said he needed to think about it, and that we should talk soon. He left and said he would contact me. Since then he has not been in contact even though i have sent him many texts, he doesnt reply. I feel very hurt and i cant stop crying. I feel that i am back to square one and i am going through pain now more than ever. I feel that he is laughing at me. My friends say he has just used me. Is this the case? I always thought he had more respect for me than that. How can i move forward and get through this? What should i do? Cut off all contact? Any suggestions please?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): I understand the angst of all of you. I am probably older than most of yyou and should have known better. But I feel for a Muslim who was so sweet in the beginning, then things started to slide downhill. He would ignore me for a few days, then call me what he termed "pet" names. REALLY??? Bimbo, f**k mate. Would openly stare down other women and make comments. Now mind you we are not kids. I'm 50 and him a couple years older. But I wanted to believe him that this was just his weird sense of humor. We work 2 doors from each other and our last night together was after Ramadan was over. Slept with me, then never spoke to me again. Of course in the beginning, I didn't have a clue. 4 weeks have gone by. I asked for him to give me some closure - give me a reason. He never answered me not even once even though I know he reads the messages I've sent. Just yesterday we both got out of cars at the same time - he looked at me and walked to his store without a word. This has mentally screwed me up becasue I don't understand this behavior at all. I too try to go on like nothing happened, but it's exhausting.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): Your post is truly very old so, hopefully you have moved on so, also hopefully, maybe my answer will help somone else to move on, like me for instance. Unfortunately, it sounds as if he was in love with your physical relationship not your whole person. Guys like "strange" but love the "familiar". Of course I mean those terms to be construed sexually. If he really loved you, he would have been thrilled to just hold you or, even to have the opportunity to hang out with you. Hopefully, you did move on and, remembered to take the trash out to the dumpster on the way out.
I was with a wonderful woman for 6 years. After 2 years we were ready to wed, I got scared. I was afraid it would not work.I was always good to her, bought stuff she needed etc, it was a pleasure and honor to do so. We were on again off again until 3 weeks ago. She finally had enough, long story short and, I lost her. She refuses all communication with me, has blocked her phone, email and FaceBook access. She received an honor tonight at a banquet. She had sent me a message requesting that I do not attend. I honored her wishes, but did send a dozen expensive long stemmed roses. I didnt receive any "thank yous", etc. I have a gut feel that once she got out of sight from everyone, that she just threw them in a dumpster. I desire to marry her, right now, even tonight if she would have me but alas, I think all hope is gone. Anyone have any advice for me?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): be happy by forgetting your boy friend.Involve yourself in various activities which creates happiness to your soul and dont hate.if you start doing doing that it gives you more pain.Be strong that he is for some one.god has not made him for you.This thought will make to lose interest on him.Try this ????Enjoy the beautiful women life...Even if he regrets you ,dont give him aplace to play again.because each women having their own dignity and worthful life...before you are selecting a person think twice and go deep in thoughts....Dont lead alife just like that beleiving a guy....hope you have good friends,at the same time try to accept the things as they ...dont spoil yourself by feeling on it....
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A
female
reader, jules1960 +, writes (29 September 2010):
i was in a relationship for 10 years 2years ago i found out that my partner was seeing another women, i forgave him and tried to make it work then this year he started seeing another women from his work, he decided to leave me and move to the place where she lived and then 2 weeks later he told me she was pregnant, from the day he left to last week he has emailed, phoned and text me on a daily basis telling me he had made a mistake and that he loved me and wanted to come back home. i wanted to let him come home and still do to this day but i know i cannot he would only hurt me again, everytime he phoned or emailed it would put me bck to square one of crying and wanting him back so much. we have now not contacted each other for 1 week and although i still want him back it is getting easier to live without him, i have a good caring family around me who are there if i nedd to talk to someone or i am feeling down. so even if there is no contact between you it does not make your feelings disappear time is a great healer so they say, it is just hard in the meantime. it is better if there is no contact at all between you both but it is not a miracle cure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): It's crazy isn't it because when you are going through something like this, you feel like you are the only person in the whole entire world suffering. Everybody else seems happily coupled up or enjoying the single life...while you feel like these horrible feelings are never going to go away. My situation is almost identical to yours...going out with a guy for 2 years (we argued a lot) broke up, tried the whole 'lets be friends thing' (didnt work), we were still sleeping with each other (stupid mistake) and then all of a sudden he cut all contact with me. I spent months and months and months getting over him and eventually felt happy...probably happier than I have ever been...I was training for my dream job as a teacher, had my amazing friends and family around me and honestly couldn't have been happier. Don't get me wrong I did think about him from time to time but that is bound to happen. So I thought - right, I want my stuff back and he probably needs his things back so now im back on the straight and narrow lets swap stuff. This was arranged...we met, we swapped stuff, I was ready to walk away but we wanted more (why didnt i see the signs??). He told me he loved me and had thought about me everyday (same old bullshit) he said he would do anything to get me back again. From that day onwards he rang me everyday, we met fairly often and we started sleeping together again, as far as I was concerned we were not far from reconciling and having a fairy tale ending. He sent me a dress and a card full of a double page of writing saying how much he loved me etc etc for my birthday...everything seemed perfect. But then, only 3 weeks later I went to surprise him for his birthday to find out that he had had a girlfriend for 7 months......
And do you know what the crazy thing is? The first thing I thought was...poor girl...because at least i have found out what a prick he is! She doesn't. I really do hope that she is worth it though. After all of the shit he put me through. All the lies. All the dishonesty.
I couldn't eat or sleep or drink or pretty much do anything. I don't know where I would be today without my friends and family to support me. I will openly admit that im still not over him. After all this time and all the things he has done I still think about him everyday...every know and again i cry about it. He hasn't contacted me once and I havent contacted him. I blocked him from facebook, deleted his number and luckily I had already swapped things with him so there are no objects that remind me of him. of course there are films and foods and activities that will always remind me of him. But im trying to get over him. Im doing voluntary work, socialising with my friends and hopefully will be supply teaching in september. I would hate him to know that i feel this way because deep down i know he is not worth it...there is so much more i could say but the only advice i want to give is to make sure that you spend sometime learning to love yourself again...and if you can meet the person who loves the you that you love...well thats just fabulous xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): He is laughing at you. If he knew your in love with he would have known youd have met him an slept with him. He has played a vunreable girl. It will be hard to move on. I am in process of "moving on" atm. Its hard at first, but we have to realise we deserve better than using jerks!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): Hey there.. You know i went through the same thing. in July my boyfriend and i broke up right before my mom came from out of town to meet him. we argued alot. About small things and then it would eventually blow over or we'll just forget about it. One night we had a really serious argument, and even though we'd just slept together, i ended up just storming away and he drove away from my house. That was the last time we talked,. he doesnt write back to my text, nor answer my calls. This was the guy i called my last boyfriend because even though our relationship wasnt perfect, this would be the last time i would put my feelings and negative thoughts aside when it came to a guy. I bent over backwards for him, but he wasnt selfish.. it was the communication i craved most in our relationship, to me, if we didnt communicate, then our relationship really didnt stand for much. he started straying away from me, and when i would ask if there was somebody else, he would either reply sarcastically like "Whatever" or he'll just say "There is no other girl." he stopped telling me he loved me and suddenly i realized the only thing we could agree on was the sex, and sometimes even that struck an argument. Im ranting i know i am, but most people would already say, "maybe it was best if you just moved on, or maybe its a good thing he's out of your life.." Maybe thats true but just because he's gone doesnt make it any easier right?Trust me, i know.. what your ex did to you was horrible and i could only imagine how you must've felt... It took me a while to face the fact that we were over because in the back of my mind i wanted to believe that maybe, just maybe he would come back. starting over is a pain in the ass-- and i wasnt ready to do that all over again. I cried one good time... I was intoxicated a bit, but it seems like thats when reality paid me a visit. I cried... and cried... and cried.. I cried and a guy that i had dated years ago who to this day is still trying to convince me that he's the one for me, was there when i needed a shoulder. Still, i know that deep down inside i love him.. i still do and its not easy. It'll take time.. the only way to truly get over him is to accept reality with an open mind and open heart. You may not be together now, and even though he hurt you deeply, you're only hurting yourself by dwelling in the past. Time stops for no body and although you maynot have him now, but you will have the memories forever. Occupy your time doing things that you enjoy, and pretty soon, it'll be like riding a bike. You wont have to think so hard about trying to get over him, before you realize that you already have. People make mistakes every single day, and very bad decisions and choices, thats life-- what matters most is that you dont shut your heart out to people who remind you of the past. Guys are only human and they have the tendency to display similar characteristics.. But no guy is ever the same as the next, or the one before. You'll find somebody who makes you twice as happy as your ex did, you deserve it.
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A
female
reader, a spades a spade +, writes (15 August 2009):
ok, firstly, i really feel for you, i know personally that it makes you feel like crap.
however, when he text you and you went and met him, you didn't know how he felt about you, when you slept with him again, you didn't know how he felt about you, when you woke up next to him, you didn't know how he felt about you. but you still done it, and you probably weren't sure yourself about how you felt about him.
i know its easy to be mad at him cos you might feel he's led you on or lied to you about how he feels but you have to accept the fact that it could possibly have been just a weak moment for you both.
I dont think he's laughing at you, and i dont think he used you, are you laughing at or feeling like you used him?
i think you just need to chalk it up. think seriously about whether you actually want him back or not anyway.
and you HAVE to stop txting him. I know it sounds impossible to start with but everytime you send a txt you probably feel weak after doing it and then torment yourself that he's not text back. its not helping you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): I have to be honest, the same thing as happened to me recently. I can feel your pain. Firstly your send him one last text saying that you feel the way he has treated you was unfair. You have to stop texting him after that. Dont not be nasty and say in the text that you know he must have his reasons so you will respect his wishes. DO NOT let him see you out with all dfferent guys. give yourself a month on your own. When the texts stop, he will wonder why, this however can take a few weeks at first. He might just need space and there is no point being nasty as I do believe if he loves you, he will come back. Try writing him a poem on how you see him, loved about him. Men hate it when we put them down, try not to use the word hate. I think you try and be strong. If he doest call, well then just start moving on. Yes it hurts, but at least you know how he feels.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): The best way in my opinion is to make him fall in love with you and then you leave him, that makes you realize he wasnt worth it ever. I dated a guy for two years and at first he was very mean to me and would break up with me every week and I let him. I took his all his bullshit and that made him like me more. So then he actually started to fall for me and then once I knew he was attached to me, I did what he did to me and broke up with him every week. It made him realize what an asshole he was. However, now it kindda sucks because its been so long and I began to like him to and its perfect yet for some reason I dont want him. Maybe because I know what hes capable of. Just go out and party all the time. Its going to make you forget and realize that your so much better of without him. Make sure you keep contact and flaunt what you have, even if its not another man, just your new life. Make him regeret his choices.
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female
reader, Bobbyjo +, writes (7 September 2008):
 Im goin through the same thing......my ex first split with me 3 years ago for another woman. It took me 18 months to get over it and it wasnt easy. Then, finally when I was over it, he comes back into my life, I fall for him again and he dumps me again for another woman. I am feeling back at square one, the pain is worse now than the first time and I think that is partly to do with the fact that we should of known to never of let them have the chance to hurt us again. Yes its horrible, you feel so many different emotions and you wonder whether you will ever get over it, but you said you were starting to get over him so you will be able to do it again. You just have to cut all contact, change your number, block his emails etc I know its a bit drastic but you have to think whats best for you., And time really is the greatest healer, I heard that so many times the first time and I didnt believe it.....but it is.
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female
reader, beauty344  +, writes (6 August 2008):
 I know everything your going though around 4months ago my ex boyfriend broke up with me we were together for 6years .plus just get done having A miscarriage ... i found out he was sleeping with someone he worked with I serious wanted to hurt my self because everything im going though its so hard to stay strong because deep down inside i thought he would always love me and now what i dont feel like doing anything ....He calls whanever he feels like im stupid i pick up everytime thinking hes coming back its only because he wants to sleep with me ..... i just feel so lost i cant move on i just dont know how hes always on my mind someone please tell me what to do
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): Hey,girl I'm going through the same thing you're going through and this something that I saw him doing see I'm kind of physic and well I see things ahead of time but,when I saw him doing this I gave my vision the benefit of the doubt I saw him with other girls in a swimming pool and of course flaunting there stuff on all the guys there and my boyfriend starring at them decides to ask one to go with him to a room and one thing leads to another and my guy is drugie,acholic,lieing asshole who thinks just because my girlfriend is not here with me I could fuck who ever I want and when I want little does he know I could she what hes doing and the next day when I confront him about being with another girl hes like how did you know or what who said that and I told him I'm like your bootycall you come everyweekend to supposibly come see me when once we fuck you leave and say you have to go smoke pot with your friends but,yet I'm your girlfriend and not a bootycall I told him fuck you it's over for good I don't ever want to see you again and then he decides to call me back and say wait I hung up on him but,I know he thinks I'm going to call him back begging for his sorry ass but,I'm not I usually do but,not no more 5years was enough for me I'm not nobodys bitch dog for him or anybody else and you should you're confused jackass ex boyfriend that you're to good for him and that you could find someone else who will treat you right and just mess around with heart and emotions and who will care about you for the real you and not anyother bitch just because he left you doesnt mean its the end of the world yeah I know its hard to move on but,its better for you and it's shows him you dont need a sorry ass loser be strong girl I believe in you,you can find someone out there in the world waiting for you,you're still young girl go out there and find you're right guy not Mr.confused bastard you deserve some whos going to love you not hurt you or play with you're emotions!!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): Euw,guess what? I was with a guy for almost a year and not to mention,I love him damn much. But then he started to act like a jerk,well,we fought a lot. First of all,we have a completely different education standard,I'm a straight A student and he's obviously a failure,he fails each of his subject all the time,and he does'nt even care about any of his studies. Unlike me,my family is a very educated family,my dad's a doctor and my mum's a teacher,so education is definately our priority. So we argued a lot about this. He always busy having fun with his friends. So I get so worried about his attitude sometimes that I can't control my emotions. I love him and I'll do just about anything to make him happy and I just can't stand seeing him wasting his life-time just like that. Besides,he smokes a lot too. So double up the pain. Come on,can you imagine your dad seeing his daughter dating a guy like that? Is'nt that a trash? Ergh,so one day. I went to china with my family for a holiday,couple of days after the trip,I called him. And I was so angry because he made me waited for him for the whole night to call me back. So the next morning as I was so pissed-off I asked him to just let me go. I did'nt mean it anyway,I just want to shake him up a lil' but turns out,he agreed and he left me just like that. The next thing I know,he's with his ex-gf once again. And I was so sad and I even begged him to try another shot but he ignored me completely. I cried for days non-stop,I skipped meals,I lock myself up at home for days. I even sold my handphone to avoid myself from hoping for his calls every single minute. Every night,I cried and cried and cried. Funny is,he's jerk,and I know I should'nt be waiting for him,but for some weird reason I just did. And I know I deserve better,but I just love him. So one day,my friend gave me a book about how to get over an ex,I read it. After a month punishing myself,I finally stop doing so and started to move on. I started with,throwing his stuff away and I made a list of why I am better off alone without him. And every morning,that is the first thing I'll reach for. It has been three moths already and yeah I admit I still miss him. But not anymore,now I know actually I don't miss anyone in particular,I just miss having someone who cares about me,that's all. So for you my dear,don't get confuse,ask yourself,do you actually miss him or are you missing the feeling of having a boyfriend? Because actually that is the only reason that cause us to get stuck with our own emotions while we're in the recovering process. Don't waste your time hoping for a jerk,trust me. What goes around comes around. He's gonna regret loosing you,soon. And when that happen,let him dwell with it,you move on. Give him some lesson and some hardtime,you deserve better. Okay? We're in the same situation,so trust me in this. My ex is making a real big mistake anyway,his ex is a moron,she did'nt even love him,I know because that girl cheats on my ex like three times already. And I know,the only reason that girl want my ex back is because he's mine. That girl and I not really a friend actually,she's more like an enemy. We did fought twice before. Sooner or later,they'll split. So,ha-ha. Whatever,because what I know is I want to move on and I want to leave everything behind. Life is too short,so I'm gonna live my life in my own happy way. No matter what happen,I believe in god the most. And you should too. Okay?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): we are having the same problem.. but i still see him i dunno what was wrong with me.. and as days go by i realize that im very stupid so i think better cut off all the contacts and connection between you try to move on ignore him he makes you miserable i think he dont deserve a girl like you... and ohh btw karma is just a round the corner what goes around comes around....... guys who are bastards are not worth our time.. move on girl theres a lot of fishes in the sea
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): I love the analogy of the hummingbird. I wish you'd give an update. People always get over stuff and his relationship karma is bad. So take heart, what goes around, comes around.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): Hi,
I was in a relationship for 8 years and one day it came to an end. It was hard to go and accept it was over and I spent a lot of my thinking time running over the past, remembering the good times with her, wallowing in pain, trying to get her back and emotionally stuck, depressed and miserable.
This emotional pain affected my body also by making me feel sick to my stomach and in a constant daze. There seemed to be no end in sight and even if I had small moments of relief when I managed to sleep, my thoughts would slowly come back to her and then the pain would re-emerge even stronger.
Then one day something random happened that helped me put things into perspective and realize that my feelings were hurt and being stuck in pain was my choice.
I was walking to meet a co-worker for lunch and saw a tiny humming bird slam into the window of a building and fall to my feet still alive. I picked it up and went to meet my friend. She helped me nurse it back to health in about one hour it was flying back again.
What a powerful image I thought. A delicate humming bird slamming against the window of a cold, hard, silent and unmovable building and falling to the ground in pain. Hmm…I was feeling like that after the breakup with my ex.
I saw my feelings were hurting just as that bird that slammed into a building was hurting. Sure the building hurt it but the building does not move, it is cold, and it does not apologize either, because it is a building and it cannot do that. The building represents my ex’s feelings.
So what are my choices?
Keep slamming against the building hoping I could make it care about me, notice me, react to me and make me feel better by giving me the affection that I wanted?
OR
Should I get some help from those who care about me, lick my emotional wounds and move on?
This simple event aided me by helping realize that just like the bird I was hurt but I was still alive. And it was my choice to keep feeling sorry for myself or flying again and not slamming on that same building.
Apply it:
You cannot force a person/building to feel anything for you.
You are still alive and have the ability to heal and fly over (get over) that person/building.
Charlie
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female
reader, LauraE +, writes (6 August 2007):
Hi,
Hi,
You poor girl, what a horrible way to be treated. Bluntly - yes, he has used you. Yes he is a selfish, heartless, waste of space. Look at it this way – this time it will be much easier to get over him because you know what a louse he is. Keep reminding yourself of this over the next few days and weeks - it really helps. If you do send one more text, don’t rant because this would show him that you are devastated. Better still, don’t text him again. If you see him, just smile or wave and move on. If you end up in conversation, look bored and move away as soon as you can. Before long, you won’t be having to fake the relief at walking away from him.
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (6 August 2007):
 What a cruel thing to do to a person!! He breaks up with you without giving any reason, then comes back with his tail between his legs, sleeps with you gives you false hopes about any reconciliation and to top it all ignores your texts. This pathetic excuse of a human being has used you im afraid my love. You got over him once you can get over him again, next time you text him tell him you never wanna see his sorry ass again. If he does text you back, give him his own taste of medicine IGNORE HIM. Move on and find a decent guy. Good luck my dear.
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