A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why do I miss my ex now? He was not a very nice guy at all, he was untrustworthy, a cheater, and manipulative. I thought he genuinely cared about me, because he would make it a point to tell me so. But when I caught him in lies it was just heartbreaking and I knew I had to just cut all ties with him. Most of all he would never really show me he cared, he would always say he wanted to take me out and have a nice meal, but not once in the five month period we dated did we go out to dinner. I've never had a boyfriend before and I guess I was captivated by the fact we had been together for five months (much longer than any other relationship I'd had). It's been a little over two months since I broke it off and I just don't know why I find myself still thinking about him after the way he treated me. I know I can't go back to him, but at the same time he's made it hard for me to move on. I don't trust men anymore. What can I do to get over thinking of him and how can I trust again?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (21 November 2009):
 Well, I guess it is true, women can't do logic.
You were captivated during the relationship because of the idea that you had been together for five months. So after the first month, you thought you were together for 5? And when you were really together for five months, you were so captivated that you ended it.
Doesn't make sense does it?
I think the reason why you went with him in the first place is the same as you still long for him.
It ain't nice so if you only want warm fuzzy meaningless drivel answers, stop reading.
You were desperate for any attention and he gave you some. It is not uncommon, we all need someone but it can be very hard to find someone who is truly right for us. He clearly wasn't but since you probably convinced yourself that you couldn't do any better (or however you dressed it up in your own mind) you ignored his obvious shortcomings.
Well, for a short while at least and that is good. Plenty of people take all their live to realize this.
The trick to healthy relationships is not to rush them. Create a satisfying single life and let whatever happens happen. Consider it like searching for the ideal house. When are you most likely going to find that? When you have to find a place before the end of the week or when you have all the time in the world?
"How can I get over my ex and learn to trust again?" Is really the wrong question. It suggest to me to much of a rush to get another BF and then you will almost certainly end up with a guy just like this again.
First deal with whatever caused you to accept this guy in the first place.
A
female
reader, lola29  +, writes (21 November 2009):
You guys shared alot of memories together, and it's become a daily routine in your head (when you were together) to think of eachother as you were both lovers at some point. so its pretty normal to be thinking bout him even thought he wasn't a very nice person. and just two months, hun, it's still too early for you to be assured you'd forget everything. But most important of all is that you did cut all ties with him and that you are rid of him, since he caused you so much pain. Think about that the next time you remember him.take care and don't you worry about these things, it'll all go away soon enough, But the question would be alot harder of he was to pop back into your life waiting to come back, which might happen theres a 50% chance of that. goodluck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009): This is always a difficult thing to deal with, and I am sorry things seem so negative at the moment. A lot of people fall for somebody who doesn't necessarily treat them nicely. Not just you. I'm not sure why it happens. It could be low self-esteem, thinking you deserve no better, or simply that you see something in that person worth caring about.
I think you did the right thing in ending it though, if the situation was making you unhappy. It is never easy to move on. It has only been two months for you, so I think it is still too early to feel much better about this. It is natural to look back, and to miss him. Maybe you worry that you will never find anyone better?
But you can and will. It will take time, but eventually you will think about him less. It will get easier. In the meantime, I would try to avoid things which remind you of him, like certain songs, places, things like that, if possible. And absolutely resist any urge to contact him! Try and remember why you ended it. The relationship wasn't making you happy, and although you may not feel any better now, things can only improve.
As for learning to trust again...it is dificult. I have been hurt very much in the past too, and I also find it hard to trust again. Sometimes you think you never will. But it happens. It really does happen. Not everyone is out to hurt you. Some people out there would love the chance to make you happy. They are out there. Now that you have finished things with your ex, you are in a position to meet those people in the future. But as frustrating and difficult as it is, it takes time.
Don't let this experience put you off the possibility of finding happiness with someone else in the future. We all get hurt sometimes, the challenge then is to stay strong and believe that things will improve. And they will. And you are not alone with this. I am going to keep trying and hoping, so hey, let's do it together!
I hope you start to feel better soon. Good luck. xxx
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