A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was in a relationship with this guy for about 3 years and then we broke up suddenly.weve been broken up for about 8 months now but We still had a relationship somewhat though but we did not have the title of boyfriend and girlfriend. I just ended things for good with him about a week ago because i dont want to keep getting hurt. and and i try hard but it seems like everything reminds me of him and sometime or another ill bring him up... now when we first broke up i would alwaysss talk about him and i lost a lot of friends because of it... but i feel like i never got closure until now because i was still having a sexual relationship with him. and i still feel like i want to bring him up at points but i dont want to run anyone else out of my life. how can i get over him and be able to not have to bring him up. and is it bad that i cant right now?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 June 2010):
 Ahh, you just did last week what you should have done 8 months ago, and that's break it off COMPLETELY.
Why did you two break up? I'm guessing that given the ultra-quick way you broke up, and that you pissed off your friends by still talking about him, and the fact that you dropped the label yet remained sexual with him is because he was cheating on you???
Do I win the cigar? LOL
Either way, here's why you can't get over the guy and kept having sex with him long after you should have. This guy is your drug. He was and is your release. Your brain has focused on him as your coping mechanism, and like a heroin addict, you have to have a "fix" of him to feel normal.
The problem is, is that something is wrong with the relationship, and your heart and your intellect know that he is not good for you, so you almost did the right thing 8 months ago, and now you're finally doing the right thing as of a week ago.
The way to go is cold turkey. If you haven't done so (and I'm guessing that you haven't), de-friend him on Facebook, myspace, and your cell phone. Get rid of his emails, his IM's, his pictures, his gifts, and any other reminder of him.
Then start being distracted. Tell your friends to yell at you whenever you mention him, and go have fun. Immerse yourself in your job/school/hobby/pursuits. Get away from the places that remind you of him. Have a makeover and change your hairstyle, and buy a couple of new outfits.
You need to become a different person than the one who pines after the guy without end. You already have inner strength. Time to tap into it. Sweep out your heart so there's room for someone more worthy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): Is it still really really hard not to talk about him? I ran into the same problem a while ago, but when I realized I was talking about him too much and chasing people off, as you say, I just stopped talking about him to people and instead kept a diary. I just wrote and wrote and wrote all the time about him, about my thoughts, etc. And maybe that's not healthy either, but it worked. I stopped talking about him and I was able to get over it and move on (not just because of the writing, but just because it took time).
On the other hand, if you need to talk about him because you need advice or something, that's not a bad thing. You don't want to end up in the middle of something bad because you didn't tell anyone about it...
Good luck!
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