A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do i get rid of an unwanted ex who has put me in a love traingle? I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months and everything was so good between us, we had such a laugh together, i got on well with all his friends,he wanted to spend loads of tine with me, we were both really attracted to each other and we had "the best" (his words) sex life. A few months before he met me his ex had finished their 16 month relationship with him, he was heart broken at the time and messed a few girls around but then met me and wanted to go out with me. I played it cool at firstbut then started to really fall for him and let it show. We ended up seeing each other for 1 month and going out for 2. His ex wasnt bothered about him before but once she found out we were going out, and worse that he was happy and we spent christams together she started playing mind games to get himn back, kissing other boys in front of him, calling him and getting other people to call him and confessing she loved him ectect even though they had been separated for months and she publicly admitted she didn't care then. So he became torn between what to do, with his ex he had the security of the past and they saw each other every day. I had a lot of exams on so i neglected him a bit believeing he was devoted to me. When he confessed what she had said to him i was upset but I was understanding about everything and waited around for him to make his mind up, i cry all the time and i believed not playing games would work in my favour. But reality isn't like fairy books, i am determined not to lose the boy i love to someone craftier than me. In his words i am "prettier, funnier and a nicer person than her" but he can't forget all the time they spent together, but at the same time he doesn't want to lose me. I need to step up my game and stop being a doormat. I need to make him realise his feelings for me and i'm not just going to be there. I want to match fire with fire as i can't just walk away. I love him but have no ideas. Has anyone got any suggestions? please help me!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): Give him an ultimatum. It's her or you. But be prepared for the truth. I did exactly that and when he found he couldn't have the two of us he chose the game-playing interfering one. They deserve each other.
A
male
reader, g247  +, writes (21 February 2008):
You're right about one thing: you can't be a doormat and let this former couple mess you around. You deserve to know where you stand.BUT it's his decision to make.If it was me, I wouldn't bother with the games. There seems like there's been too much of that already. Let him know what he means to you and let him know that he can have the security he shared with his ex with you, but then let him make his decision. And respect what he decides.Should he go back to his ex only for her to mistreat him again, it's his loss. He had a good deal with you and he messed it up. Find someone else and leave the guy to rue what he'd given up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008): A difficult one. He has a certain comfort zone with his ex becos of history but the bottom line is how does he really feel. Is it his ego being knocked by his ex getting him jealous and why does he have an issue with her moving on if he has. Who does he really want to be with.its not a case of him persuading himself if youare the 'better bet' cos she dumped him once, but what he wants. he needs to be honest with himself before he can be honest with u. I would talk to him about this - but dont be messed about as u will end up hurt if he plays the game so to speak.If nescessary take some time out and allow him to decide where his heart is. may not go the way u would like but at least you would know and cn get on with your own life.
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