A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I have a problem that keeps on bothering my partner. I am a 20 year old female in a relationship with a 21 year old female. We met about a year ago, and have been going out for near enough 6 months. I absolutely love and adore her, and I know she loves me! She is the most wonderful, caring, most funny and charming girl I have ever met and she will do anything and when I say anything, I mean ANYTHING for me in the bedroom department. I know, it sounds perfect right? Wrong.. I feel like i'm getting her down with my inability to "cum". We have a very active sex life, and I love pleasuring her as she does me. But where I can get her to cum, she can never do the same. I feel bad to say, but I have lied to her about it, saying that I have cum on a few occasions where I haven't. She gets really down about it, and asks me all if she truly does satisfies me.. WHICH SHE DOES!!! I don't need to cum, watching her suffices me more than enough!.. But saying that, i've never experienced "cumming". I've been only in one other relationship with a man, and he was all about satisfying me, but again.. He never managed to make me orgasm.. Not that he didn't try!Both partners knew I had been sexually abused as a child, so they don't pressure me into anything I don't want to do.. Not that they could anyways! I've always been a closed person, always guarded myself because of my past, I have never really liked the act of sex.. Although I do like doing it on my partner, I don't really like it happening to me. How can I get myself to cum?? More importantly.. How can I get her to make me cum??.. Thank you for all your advice
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): Hi there,
It sounds to me like you really need to spend some sexual practice time by yourself. You say that you've never had an orgasm. In my experience, most people will experience their first orgasm on their own - not with a partner - because so much of it is psychological (as you seem to realise) you need to not feel as though there is no pressure on you to have an orgasm. When you have learnt how to have an orgasm by yourself it is so much easier to be able to have one with your partner there as well. It's a learning curve though.
Basically, I would advice you to experiment on your own. Buy a vibrator/ watch some pornography/ fantasize - and see if this works. When you are able to climax on your own then you can share this with your partner. You say that you were abused as a child. I expect that there is an element of you feeling that you cannot completely let yourself go sexually and 'enjoy' sex - this is something that can be overcome. I used to have the same problem myself - but knowing that it is mostly psychological is actually liberating because it means that with the right peace of mind and care for yourself you will be able to orgasm and then you can work on making it better and better!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): I am the person who posted this question, I just forgot to add that toys, vibrators.. Nothing of the kind work with me!!! She can barely get one finger in me
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