A
female
 ,
*appytochat
writes:Hi there, I'm looking for some advice on my problem:I'm a 16 year old girl (turning 17), in high school. For the last few years ive had a really good friend, lets call him John* who lived in a different state to me (we live in Australia). Now i always thought he was a really nice guy and liked him alot. Recently he told me hes moving back here, he is 19 years old. He has given me clear signs that he wants to start up a relationship and that he really likes me in that special way. I really like him back too. But the problem is, my parents. They would never like the idea of me dating an older guy. They would think he would just be using me for sex and stuff like that, even though they know i have alot of good qulaities they dont think he would be interested in them. I undersdtand where they r coming from, but i know him very well, and i trust him and truly have deep feelings for him. He is just a genuine guy, i wish they could see it. What do u think i should do? I want to have a plan to work this out before i comit to a relationship with him when he moves here. please help!p.s. i dont think hiding our relationship would be an option as thats not very fulfilling is it. and i would feel very guilty. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2005): You sound like a very mature young lady who has deep respect for herself and your parents. I commend you for that, dear. Personally, if he's 19 and you are almost 17...I don't feel he's too old for you. Your parents love you to bits so I think you need to put their concerns to rest. Lots of talking and reassurances will help butI think you should think about introducing this fellow to Mom and Dad. Reassure them know that you and this fellow, but you want their input. Tell them you want to take some time get to know him more, as friends (no sex!) within each other’s family settings/homes. It will ease your parent's concerns knowing that you are relying on and working with them to discern whether this guy would be the best person for a future long term relationship with you. Also, It asks you to bring potential bf into your home and into your life so you, yourself, can assess him in the everyday, not on dates where you both are alone with each other.
Spending time with each other, in family settings, will keep any and all sexual pressures to a minimum. This will help your parent's accept this. Keep respecting yourself-know you are special and remember, one must never, ever mistake sex for affection or even love. Just because someone has sex with you doesn’t mean that any real affection exists. With many of us, sex is at the core of one's heart. That is why sex is so special and precious. Only have sex when you are in a relationship with someone who loves you, who cares for you, who respects you totally and who will lovingly appreciate the gift of your body and emotions. You sound cautious and again very mature by not saying "you love him". I think you are playing it smart, because you certainly want to hold off expressing any "undying love" for this guy, until you know him over a long period of time and you get more indication of his interest and commitment to you. Take it slow-don't rush this. Too often, young people becomes overly emotionally attached way too fast and then detach just as quickly and someone gets deeply hurt. Always know yourself, be true to yourself in any relationship and know exactly what you want in a loving, committed relationship and hold out for it. Never be afraid to ask for what you want...and don't accept anything less. Good luck, dear.
A
male
reader, Wild +, writes (30 November 2005):
Hi my sister!!!Ur parents will be mad at u bocz of ur age,its not that they do not want to see u happy,its just that they can't swallow the idea of their 16 yr old angel hanging around a guy they don't know.i'm not saying you are unable to handle a relationship,all i'm saying is to them you are still a baby so try to understand them.why don't u reduce the pace of the relationship when the guy arrives, i mean enjoy the friendship side of it at the moment.u will be able to invite the guy to ur place with other friends so that ur parents can see his good qualities.then later on u can discuss him with ur mum or ur dad if he is open enough to discuss boys.do not rush into things plz,u do not want to betray ur parents,whatever decision u arrive in,make sure they are happy and cool with it.they are the one's who will be there for u when the relationship is over.good luck!!!
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