A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so here's my problem, I'm 21 years old and have lived away from home for about 4 years, working full time. This year I decided to go back into education so moved back home during term time.I come from a good family, however my mum is kind of "crazy" and sometimes does and says things which make us all dislike her. To cut a long story short she's a hypochondriac, a drama queen, often a liar who always seems to believe she's in the right.So during term time she keeps opening my mail even though I have asked her not to. I have nothing to hide but she is very bad with money, she is in a lot of debt yet still wastes it freely. I have worked hard in some pretty awful jobs, been careful with my student loans and continued to work whilst at uni. Whilst I am very generous with my family I refuse to feel pressured into giving my hard earned savings up to fund her un necessary spending. She can be a very selfish person and I have been soft and bailed her out whilst I was short myself many times.I have changed as much as I can to online statements however there are a few things that still come through and she still opens them despite my requests not to. If this becomes an argument I know she will twist it round to all family members that I am in the wrong. Whilst everyone knows what She can be like, I just don't need the hassle! Neither does my dad who often gets stuck in the middle trying to keep the peace! What should I say to her??
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 June 2011):
 in the US opening mail addressed to another is a federal offense... if mom can't stop breaking the law, have your mail either held at the post office or I like the idea of a PO Box like others have suggested.
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (22 June 2011):
 Can you divert your mail to your office address? Alternately have the post office hold it for you or open a PO Box. It's expensive but generally worth it.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (22 June 2011):
 IF she is "unstble" as you describe...I think I would get a post office box and divert the mail from the area of her self identified control rather than confront her, go around the problem.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (22 June 2011):
It is a good idea to have a conversation with her asking her not to, but you have already had that conversation with her. The next conversation is not about how she shouldn't open your mail, which is about her behaviour, but is a conversation just letting her know how you feel when she opens your mail. Don't say anything about what she should or shouldn't do, just let her know how you feel about it. If she tries to twist things around, you can just let her know you can't do anything about her behaviour and that the conversation isn't anything to do with her, you just want her to know how you feel, and how it affects your relationship with her. That is a good place to start, but don't expect an easy outcome. It is good for your relationship in the long run. Also, change your postal address to a work address, friends address, or rent a PO Box as a way of minimising the issue if you prefer.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (22 June 2011):
 Tell her to stop intruding your privacy, the letters are addressed to you for a reason. If she keeps doing it, start to open her mail, see how she likes it...
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