A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i am recently reconciled with my ex bf. We split up 3 years ago after moving in together waay too soon, and rowing over my then ex and also having big sexual issues and no money. We were together 3 years.After we split, we fell out big time and my ex came to ask my parents to pay money i owed him, and they were furious. We used to bicker a lot in front of my parents and my ex is very different to me.Neither of us has had a serious long term relationship since and we are reconciled now. He lives 100 miles away and we have recently been seeing each other again, but seeing how it goes and wary of screwing up. I live at home ( i have to because i'm attending a postgrad course and have no money). We would like to try again, because a lot of the issues we had back then arent issues at all now, and we still feel the same way and have talked through the past and the present and the future. But we don't want to screw it up again, but i do trust him and think i could love him again but we have work to do. much of what went wrong in the relationship was my fault and my behaviour, but my ex has forgiven me and i have forgiven his bad behaviour at the end of the relationship. We rowed, yes, but i don't know what Mom's problem is. He never cheated, never would, never hit me, he has a good job, he doesnt drink or do drugs or even have a temper. i realise that I had a man who tried to stick by me, but we were under too much pressure and i was too young to see it.My mom can't. I've tried to explain, but she doesnt want to hear it. She accuses me of "screwing my life up" says that if we were arguing at the start of the relationship we never had a chance, hes not right for me, she says if we couldnt live together then theres no point, why did it end then if he's so good? and thinks i'm going to screw up my college course over this or move away to be with him. This is not the case. i get sarcastic comments, looks, and her open disapproval of it all. I feel like he cant come here because of her attitude. I'm not prepared to discuss the finer points of our personal relationship with her and explain why its different now, as it'll only get thrown back at me, and to be honest, it's private.She keeps telling me she doesnt like him, especially after all the rows, said 'once i didn't like him either' and cant understand why were reconciled, and thinks we have no chance, and I'm making another mistake again and its really putting a dampener on things. Any advice?
View related questions:
drugs, money, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 It is your life and your decision.
Your mother may have her own bias and prejudice views about
your b/f. That is her perspective but it does not mean that she is right 100%
It is your future and what you want in your heart and not what your mother wants.
You are the one who will marry him and not your mother.
If you think he is the right one, then stick to your
decisions even if your mother does not approve of him.
In time you may win her over.
You are solely responsible for your own happiness.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 Sure! You have come to the right place! First of all, don't blame your Mother if she doesn't approve of your Ex and now Current Boyfriend. She has reason. You were hurt by him. Don't mess with the Momma bear, not no how, not no way. Whether or not you realize it, this is your MOTHER, having your back, watching out for you, whether or not she has any control over ANYTHING, but loving you none the less. He will have to EARN back her trust, as he should be trying to earn back your trust as well. No matter who did what to whom, Momma's have long memories. This isn't to cause you misery, it's because she loves you! Don't worry - you will eventually understand - when you are protecting children of your own. You ended your letter with the the statement that your relationship is private, but in truth, you and he did "wash your dirty laundry in public" by involving your Mother in the first place - which is why you are now having problems! You can't have it both ways. If you want solidarity with your boyfriend, then don't run to your Mother. If you want your relationship to earn your Mother's respect, then act as a unified couple. My son is not married yet, but if I speak out of turn in ANY way about his girlfriend, he makes it QUITE clear that I am well out of line. That's how a Mother knows that her child has moved on and is loved enough to let them get on with their own lives.
...............................
|
