A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend/partner dislikes kissing and cuddling me.He has had a troubled past;We have sex most days,which we both love,but no kissing and not close to my body during sex.But he caresses and strokes my arms and back which I find very loving and love.He loves oral sex ,but I will not let him come in my mouth.he like my mouth and head close to his tummy until he has come.He always makes sure I have come usely a few times.But sometimes won't have sex with me,when we have sex it is lovely and I get close to his body.He will hold my hand when we walk in pubic but very rarely allows me to kiss him.I also live with him,and love him so much.He has told me he loves me and never loved his last girl friend of 7 yrs.This is true even his mother has confirmed that is was never love,he flat sorry for her !He knew her from when he went to school.How do I get his to kiss and cuddle me and more sex ?I known his problems stem from his childhood .He is a kind loving man and will do such sweet things for me.I feel such excitement and love this man.He has moods swings but so do I.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (30 May 2016):
 RE-read this: "How do I get his to kiss and cuddle me and more sex ? I known his problems stem from his childhood ."
You (and he) get just one shot at this......
YOU tell him that kissing and cuddling is a CONDITION for you, in a relationship. AND, you STOP giving him a "Pass" for his boorish behaviour ("I know his problems stem from his childhood...."
He's a grown man (an "adult").... If HE covets your's and his relationship as much as YOU do.. then he'll listen to you, and adjust HIS behaviour, accordingly.
You aren't asking for much.... and he sure isn't delivering much of anything (from what you describe). SO, decide if this one-sided (and darn-near empty) relationship will keep you satisfied indefinitely.... OR, would you like to have a relationship that is more in keeping what you would REALLY like.....
Good luck..
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (30 May 2016):
 Okay, point one: affection is really important to most women and many men, but not all by any stretch of the imagination, so you'll need to tell him, if that's what you want - or, more accurately, *ask* for what you want. If he agrees, it needs to be baby steps; he already shows you lots of affection, just not kisses and cuddles, which don't always come naturally to everyone, so he may not like/want them and you're stuck, or he may just need time to build up slowly to the amount you want.Point two: I don't think more sex is necessarily a good idea, especially as you have it most days(!), unless you don't mind not getting the extra affection - he may not have the energy or desire for both. My boyfriend has a somewhat non-existent libido, but I frequently desire making love for the closeness and pleasure, rather than random sexual "horniness" (which I don't get), so I've told him there's no pressure to make love weekly (or whatever) because I love affection and can go longer between making love, if there's a lot of affection to keep me feeling wanted. He grew up in an unaffectionate family, so it was all new to him and he found it hard to adjust to someone who is very affectionate and craves it, but he does it in little ways with kisses, stroking, wanting to be close to me on the sofa, etc. Has your guy specifically said he doesn't like kissing and cuddling? If so, ask why - if not, ask him is you could be more affectionate *together*, don't make it sound like you're having a dig at him or he'll probably shut you out a little.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 May 2016):
 I know mine may sound like a lame answer, but some times the best solution is the simplest, so : just ask him.
Tell him that you 'd love more physical closeness, more cuddling to enjoy your lovemaking even better. Same as you would not have scruples ( at least I hope ) in telling him " harder , faster etc. " when needed- you have to tell him what works for you and if what works for you is more tenderness and more kisses, then let him know.
Maybe you feel he should know by instinct, but no, he can't read your mind and if you don't say anything he will think if ain't broke don't fix it. Believe it or not, not all women are equally cuddly and affectionate, needs vary a lot from this point of view. Some women like it very raw and rough, some find that lots of caresses distract them from reaching an orgasm.... maybe that's the way he was used to be with his ex, and men are creatures of habit
( and often lazy, too :)
Regardless of his troubled past, your bf does not seem to have a real problem with displays of affection. He holds your hand, he is verbally affectionate, he likes stroking your arms and back ... it does not sound like he has a mental block toward physical closeness. He is just doing what worked for him so far and what he is used to, but if your preferences are different, there's nothing wrong in letting him know.
As for the frequency of sex, eh well, I guess you would have to negotiate. You want to have sex every day, he can do with less. Maybe he has a lower libido, and also, if he is in your age range, do not blithely take it for granted that he COULD have sex every day. But since there's two people in a relationship, you have to find a happy medium which both can live with .
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