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anonymous
writes: I am hoping that some of you can help me with this problem – you see I was with my boyf for 9 years, for 2 of them we were engaged to be married, we broke up 18 months ago after I found out he had been sleeping with my supposed “Best Friend and Bridesmaid” but of course he said he didn’t know what he was doing and that he regrets the day that he ever met her! We had been living together for 5 of those years we were together, had our future planned out, built our house, go travelling see the world and grow old together – so he told me!! When I found out I packed what ever I could grab and moved home to my mum’s well stayed with a mate on the first nite. I only once said anything to my ex-friend about what happened, even at that I couldn’t bring myself to speak to her so I just left a voice mail on her mobile. I got on with my life as best I could – but he was ringing me constantly – even at work when he knew I would get into trouble for getting personal calls at work! Eventually I left my job, moved away, and changed my mobile number just to get some peace and quiet from him. Then last February I met a lovely guy who I’m totally besotted with and to be honest when I met him first didn’t want anything to do with him! I just wasn’t interested in meeting any one new… We got on really well, told him the story, he told me his began seeing each other more seriously and things are going really well. As my job had only been a temporary move for me, I got a job closer to home 5 months ago and moved back. My ex found out where I worked and has again been ringing and texting me constantly.He’s begging me to forgive him, give him another chance, he’s after changing and he would do anything for me but the thing is I can never trust him again and to be honest I don’t want to get back with him. He’s not the only one who has changed and I’m really happy with my life at the moment and I’ve told him I’m with some one new and he’s still not taking ANY of the hints I've given him!??! How do I get it through to him that I don’t need or want him back? I’ve done everything from been totally and utterly blunt and honest with him but nothing is working – he still thinks that by doing all he’s doing its goin to bring us back together – he’s living for that day and not actually living a life at all!!! I feel sad for him but that’s about it!!! I have no other feelings of any kind for him any more!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. Like I said it was pretty hard at the start but I thought feck them I'll show them that they've only made me realise I'm much better off with out them! But yeah I think I will have to go down the road of getting a restraining order against him. I know he doesn't mean any harm but still I want to be able to go out and enjoy myself with my new guy. But I do hope that I can be of help to any other people out there...
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female
reader, Rachx +, writes (28 September 2006):
Firstly, well done you for your strength over dealing with this and getting your life back on track!
You appear to have tried the nicey nice approach and you appear to have tried the straight to the point, a bit harsh approach but he is obviously not listening. You have already moved away once to avoid him and now your back and your lifes on track he is ruining things again with his behaviour! I agree that you may need to consider going down the road of some sort of restraining order, or at least threaten him with that so maybe he will then realise your serious. Good luck x
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (27 September 2006):
 You may need to look into getting a restraining order against him if he doesn't stop bothering you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question See I have been, well ok tried to be mean to him so he would get the message. I've told him that its ok & I've forgiven, encouranged him to go out and meet some one or even just to live his life cos he's just dreaming of the day we get back together he keeps telling me!!! Its good to hear the male's point of view tho on this too. So thank you for reading and taking the time to reply to me :)
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male
reader, Lostandalone +, writes (27 September 2006):
 I have been that guy. The problem is he hasn't forgiven himself so he needs reassurance from you that he is not a bad person and now wants the love he lost. You have to be mean about it. You're hurting the situation more by feeling sorry for him, because even though you have changed you still have something in your heart for him. Thats something that won't change overnight or 18 months. You have to be mean to be nice. It didn't take that much for me to get the picture but I got it and I left her the hell alone and feel better about it. He will come to the realization but you have to tell him to forgive his self first and thats the first part of his healing. Good Luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you but I'll admit it wasn't easy at times!! But I said I am bigger and better than either of the two of them! My so called best friend has NEVER once said sorry but then again if I saw her in the street she would run never mind turn and walk the other way so as not to pass me!! You would think it was me that did it to her!! But anyway thank you again for you kind words and encouragment....
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female
reader, nobody +, writes (27 September 2006):
Just wanted to say what a great person you sound. I wish I could think I would be as strong as you were in that situation. WELL DONE to you for taking what would be most women's worst nightmare and getting over it and moving on the way you have.
I think you need to go and see you ex and really lay it to him straight. Tell him its not that you need to forgive him, its that you have changed and as a result the two of you are no longer compatible. Tell him about your new boyfriend. And when you are tempted to feel sorry for him, remember what he did to you.
Good luck and if I ever find myself in the situation you were, I will remember your positivity and hopefully it will help.
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