A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:been with my boyfriend 4 years, and in the last 6 months or so have discovered it is mainly me that initiates sex, as soon as i touch him sexually or kiss him passionately he gets an errection so there is no problem with attraction (i dont think), but he never starts anything. actual sex is good and we work well together but i feel a bit down hearted that he never just 'jumps on me' so to speak. when i asked him about it he said he was 26 now and not 18 anymore, but this wasnt a good enough answer for me, what do i do. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, previasc96  +, writes (13 August 2008):
stop initiating and see what happens.
A
female
reader, SadieB +, writes (1 July 2008):
It sounds like he has lost his sex drive - especially if he used to be quite forward sexually. Lots of things can cause a low sex drive, perhaps you should try to find out whether he has experienced any emotional problems over the last 6 months (perhaps he's having a hard time at work?). If not, and there are no underlying issues that need to be addressed, you should back off a little and allow him the time and space to make a move on you - no-one likes to feel pressurised sexually, and perhaps your keeness is putting him off a bit. Back off for a little while, and remember that sex should be fun. Still flirt and be touchy and playful, but let him take the lead to carry it on to full sex. Best of luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am generally dominate within the relationship, I have felt like the man throughout, he is not feminate but lacks the ability to make decisions. I am quite a strong person anyway, my sex drive is high and I like to get things done so I often take over everything, I dont know if this is probably the major problem rather than him. I tend to do everything in our relationship
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Maybe he's masterbating too much...is he into porn when you are not around?
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A
female
reader, diamond852 +, writes (1 July 2008):
ok i would stop initiating sex and see how he responds to it...if he doesn't say anything after a couple of weeks he's probably not that interested in you anymore but if he confronts you then you know that its bothering him....whichs would be the perfect time to talk to him about whats bothering you...
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A
male
reader, no_issues +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Leave him unsigned notes in which you state your desire for him. Describe lurid scenes in which you elaborate on your desire for him to take you, boldly and unhesitatingly. Express your wish for all of this to happen the next time you meet, but make it as mysterious as possible. Be creative, and refuse to speak about it with him in person.
If after your best efforts to dazzle and arouse him, tease him and leave him breathlessly waiting for your next encounter, he still shows no sign whatsoever of more initiative, then he is either gay or having an affair.
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A
female
reader, scythe  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 hey honey
I have a similar problem with my boyfriend. It seems as though i am always initiating our sex related activities. The most he will do is kiss me occasionally on his own. He even won't be ontop without me asking. We haven't had full sex yet, but it still botheres me that i feel like the "guy" in the relationship.
Perhaps you should try and talk to him again... or stop initiating stuff youself. Maybe send him lingering stares, and sexy facial expressions but refuse to get up and start anything. Maybe even some sexy talk if thats the kinda thing you guys are into. That way, he should get a bit turned on, and then get a bit frustrated with all the teasing and no action and hopefully he will come over and ravish you.
Best of luck, and have fun!!
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A
male
reader, The Gentle Man +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Have you ever tried not initiating sex ?
From a guys point of view, why would I try to have sex when its handed to me on a plate and fulfils my hunger ?
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A
male
reader, grouchy +, writes (1 July 2008):
Interesting problem! He's not 18 anymore? Not the real answer. Maybe he's lost interest in you - not YOUR fault, it happens - and responds when you start something, because it's the "normal" thing for a guy to do. But that may be all - - - - - - - -.
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