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How can I get him back? I'm miserable.

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 December 2009) 6 Answers - (Newest, 4 January 2010)
A female Netherlands age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend of 6 months just broke up with me and im so heartbroken because we are also colleagues! It hurts me so much to see him. He always treated me like his princess.. But i guess i was too demanding and always angry at him. He had enough of me and after disappearing on me for a week he told me that he has had enough and just wanted to be friends. I finally came to my senses that i was doin him wrong. But i guess its too late! No matter what i say or do he wont give me another chance cuz he already gave me several chances! Im so stupid! I finally realize what hes worth.. Now hes gone. He told me to move on take care and he will consider me as one of his best friends and he still cares but hes in a lot of stress cuz of work and school, money issues.. He tells me not to wait for him and forget him. He doesnt want to hug me or kiss me. Hes been very patient talking to me for hours while im begging him.. I really want him back! He used to love me so much! Just a few weeks ago! I cant bear to go to work anymore.. I need him.. Wht can i do to get him back?? Now i know what i have and i lost it.. Is there a way? Please help me.. He is so cold.. Yet friendly.. He feels relieved yet he cried while breaking up? Hes so special to me.. What to do? Cant breathe.. I screwed up.. He wont believe me.. Gave up on me..

View related questions: best friend, broke up, heartbroken, money, move on

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you all for the great answers! :) i speak to him anymore.. I try to avoid eye contact at work and just act normal. I'm going out again and try to appear as happy as possible. I only spoke to him at the messenger.. he keeps it very short. We are talking bout weather and stuff.. Seems like doesnt even want to talk to me on the messenger :( or doesnt know what to say. His friend told me in confidence that i have to give up. I still have one gift for him which i made during our relationship but never had the chance to give it him. I will just put it on his desk and thats it..... THE END.....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you all for reading... I still see him everyday and all i can do is be sweet to him, show him i'm worth it. And it is killing me!! Everytime i try to get close to him he's just cold... like he has no feelings at all. At times i try to act friendly as a friend and he would be friendly as a friend to me. I know he is doing this to be polite. I can see he is uncomfortable when talking to me. I gave him massages when he was tired during work and i kissed him on the cheek when he was working.. i couldnt help it! he just pretended i didnt do all that and didnt move a muscle? One of my co-workers asked him what happened he replied: she wont change.. after that she asked him: will u 2 be back together since uve broken up so often: he said he doesnt know. After that day.. He rushed home.. I txt him and wished him a nice weekend! he replied thanks u too.

i got a few days off from work to leave him in peace.. maybe he will miss me.. maybe not? i will give him his Christmas present.. and act casual.. and then try to let him go.. But still i hope.. What do u think my chances are??

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A female reader, Brokeen Canada +, writes (17 December 2009):

i am going through the same situation.

He's being cold but he gave me a chance to win him back because he still loves me.

I suggest you talk it out with him, make him believe somehow that you will change.

prove to him.

Trust me, i had to beg for forgiveness.

He will be rude for atleast a month or two, thats what i am guessing and this is mainly because he doesnt wanna get hurt again.

just keep reminding him, you love him.

I hope it works out, i know how much it hurts.

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A female reader, GirlyGirl1013 Canada +, writes (17 December 2009):

Ohkay . I have been in your position before. and it stinks! People are not perfect and they never will be. I am demanding too. and lots of people are. It hard to deal with the pain but dont give up on life there are other people out there. Life is short you dont want to waste all of yuor time on one thing. Let it be try to move on , if he comes back he was ment to be yours, if he dont then you were ment to be eith someone else. If your smart enought you wont give up on life because theres way more to life then silly boy, But dont belive that guys are strong because there not in all reality they are just as scared as girls they just dont show it. but dont give up on love the right person will come and when he does you will be glad you didnt waste your life waiting for the other guy that broke your heart.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009):

I think I might be close to getting to where he is. It's about pride. You said that he's given you multiple chances and at one point everyone is going to break and say enough. He has to stand up for himself. I'm sure he is hurting too but the pride he has for himself probably outweighs that.

Before you figure out how to try to get him back, you might want to ask yourself why it hasn't been working. If you've been screwing up, (I'm not sure what you meant by that) then maybe you're not truly into him. You might just be reacting to the fact that this is something you can't have anymore. That is not something that's easy for anyone to deal with. Find out if you're just reacting to that or if you really love him.

Give him some room for a few weeks and give yourself time to think about if this is just an emotional response or if you REALLY love this guy, then when you've collected your thoughts and you've given him some time, lay everything out on the table as one last attempt.

If you discovered that it was just an emotional response then you have nothing to worry about, but if you really do have feelings for this guy then put it all out there. If he wants to give it another shot... great... but if he doesn't at that point... its time for you to move on and learn from your mistakes with the next guy.

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A female reader, dazey New Zealand +, writes (17 December 2009):

Get a grip.

It's difficult to be rejected but it will pass.

Being colleagues won't help matters because ideally you should get some space from each other. Is it at all possible that you could take some time off and have a little holiday? Try to get things in perspective. You say "I really want him back! He used to love me so much....Now I know what I have and I lost it". It sounds as though the real issue might be that you've had something taken away from you and you don't like that- nobody does! It may be that you miss the idea of being loved and aren't able to realise that the relationship wasn't right.

I was the same once and someone said I was only kicking off because I couldn't get my own way. They were right, the relationship was completely disfunctional but I still didn't like the rug being swept from under my feet!

See how you feel with some time and distance.

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