| A
male
,
*ndnOtlaw
writes: Let me give you a little bit of background before I get to my question. I have been seeing this lady for a little over two years now. She is a few years older than I am, which is one drawback according to her countrys customs (she is not American). I have lived in her country for the two years that I have known her, I only mention this so you know it was not some sort of "mail-order-bride". We have indeed talked a little bit about marriage in the past, but we have not made any definitive plans.I am not real "mushy" telling her I love her all the time and whispering sweet nothings in her ear (typical guy?). But I will and do say such things on ocassion, and I don't like for the woman to constantly be all mushy either. To me that is a red flag that they are only out to get something.So anyway she is not like this at all. She has said she loved me exactly once, and she wrote it once in a cell phone message. She is nice and cordial almost all the time and always willing to talk, but she never express's her feelings to me. In a few months I will be moving about five hours away and I won't be able to see her as often, which is what really got me to thinking about this. Effective communication and expressing feelings is the only way that any long distance relationship is going to work.So my question is this: how do I get her to open up and express these things to me without having this discussion end up in a fight? I mean most everything is going fine in my book, but I think this could lead to problems in the foreseeable future unless something changes. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
View related questions:
long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, j'sgurl +, writes (1 September 2006):
I wonder if culturally it isnt done for a woman to discuss thing like love etc with a man who is not family or her husband. Where culturally they are more emotionally removed If this is the case then you really need to sit down with her and tell her your position on things. That it is ok for her to tell you that she loves you etc. But if it is a cultural distance then you will need to be patient with her. Good Luck
A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (29 August 2006):
 Hey,
well. Once i was in a simluar situation. A member of a close friend's family got very very very ill and I was willing for her to lean on me and I was ready to support her. But she didn't open up to me either. I asked someone who I think is a great agony aunt to me and she said that she would open up when she's ready.
Maybe your partner is just afraid of something happening or getting too close to you because of a previous relationship gone wrong? Just give her time, when she's ready to confinde in you, she will do. Don't force her into pouring her heart out. Let her know she can talk to you, if she ever needs to. If you both love each other enough, you can overcome anything!
I hope everything works out and that this helps!
Phoebe xxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (29 August 2006):
 Perhaps if you open up a bit to her she will see what you are feeling - it is a two-way thing, and if she is not sure how deep your feelings are for her, she may be hesitant about telling you how she feels. You say that you have discussed marriage in the past - perhaps she has taken it that you are not interested in this any longer, if you have not gone into more detail/brought the subject up for a while. It could be that she is just as confused as you about the situation.
Why don't you take her out for a meal and bring the matter into the open in a relaxed manner. Perhaps you could present her with a small gift, a bracelet or something to show her that you are thinking of her, even when you are not around?
Be matter-of-fact about it, and if you love her, TELL her! Or at the very least, tell her that you find it difficult to express your emotions, and tell her that you care deeply for her, and need to know how she sees the relationship developing so far, ask her how happy she is with it, etc.. Not to be confrontational, but keep it at gentle questions - smile and relax. Two years is more than enough time to be together without discussing such fundamental issues! You should be close enough after all this time to progress the relationship and know where you both stand. I do hope I have been able to help, I would love an up-date on this, and to be able to help you further. Please feel free to e-mail me directly if you wish. Good luck.
I do hope
...............................
|
