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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm worried that i've lost the girl of my dreams forever. We were together for 4 years and in the last few months i didn't realise how distant i had become. We broke up in November because of this but we both missed each other so much that we got back together after a week apart. I thought i was trying when we got back together but i was under a lot of stress (my grandfather who i lived with died and i had to take care of my gran as well as a lot of the legal issues) and we drifted apart again. She was very paranoid with who i spoke to, and when i left my msn open or my phone lying about she would read my messages and sometimes found dodgy convos with other girls. I don't know why i speak to them but i just can't help flirting back when these girls are so openly suggestive. She broke up with me and since then found out that i also cheated on her with one of her friends about 18 months ago. She stopped talking to me, i was such an idiot but i've realised how badly i treated her. I've recently found a new group of friends and these friends have made me more outgoing and fun, they've helped me realise all the ways i messed up with my ex and i now see why she was always so upset in our relationship. I know how to make it all better but now she won't give me another chance. she says that i've broken her trust and that, even though she'll always miss me and love me, she can't trust me ever again. I can't imagine my life without her, and i need to know how i can get her to trust me again. I need another chance to prove to her how much better i am. Its been a month now since we broke up and she is already with a new guy, but she says its nothing serious. How can i get her to give me that chance and start building her trust again?
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female
reader, Darity  +, writes (17 April 2009):
 I am sorry about your Grandfather...death is the coldest part of reality, and it is never easy. As far as your relationship trust is a very hard thing to regain once it is lost. Even if you are able to mend the relationship she will never really trust you. Do you want a life of constant "who were you talking to"? "Where were you"? that sort of thing. I am sorry, but truthfully I feel you would be better off to learn from this experience and move on to a new relationship that will have trust. I know it is hard, but our actions all have consequences.My heart goes out to you.--Darity
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): ok your where terribly wrong for a start.and you need to exept that.what you need to do is build up your FRIENDSHIP first when youve reached that point you can get back together.as a girl the one thing we like are surprises maybe if her birthday is soon through her a surprise party but make shure she nos you through it.if you do get the chance to get to talk to her tell her camly about your grandmas death and that you would have done anything to spend more time with her but u had to take care of so many things.if she understands you dont rush into thins you want her to trust you not think that you just need someone .if you take this advice you might get a second chance ps.im terribly sorry about your grandfatherxx
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