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female
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anonymous
writes: My problem is my sex life with my bf. Things used to be great but now I cant get him to see it from my point of view. We have been living together 3 years, at first the sex was all the time everyday more than once, then it slowed down a bit to a couple of times a week and so on. Now its not even once a week and sometimes not once every two.. The quality of the sex is great we have always been open with each other and its great sex! I appreciate overtime that the sex fades a little as you get into a more comfy routine. But i want sex more and it causes rows. He doesnt see why we have to have sex all the time as it doesnt mean that we love each other any more.. I keep trying to make him see its not about needing to its about wanting to! I would have sex with him 24/7 and hes more laid back which i appreciate, i just want more sex, but it just turns into a row and hes like if im not good enough etc etc and then the sex doesnt happen cos we rowed about it and he feels that he has to have sex and its a viscous circle! When we are away we have sex the whole time, and its great. Some weekends we used to have sex on a sunday morning and it would be more than once, these are few and far between now, and when do have sex its like i sit there waiting for him to make a move as when i do he doesnt bloody want it.. i know i would have it all the time, but how can i get this on a more even keel ? IS it all men these days that are more laid back about sex as i seem to hear alot of woman complaning about their men not giving them sex!! anyway the bf probably feels pressured and the more i mention it the worse it must get, he says he loves me, fancies me, and is very comfortable with me, we walk around naked all the time when at home alone but dont have sex! well sleep naked and when its hot just laze around naked. It drives me nuts that we only have sex every other week or so, when we are so compatible sexually when i get to get sex lol.. Dont say leave him your sex drives are different, its not that he has got a high sex drive believe or it not, he just can keep it under control better than me. Just want the spits and spats of great sex to happen more often, i get to the point that im scared to mention sex now case he turns me down. The more hes not giving me sex the more i want it, if he gave me sex once a week this wouldnt keep happening but he just doesnt see that and says he cant want sex all the time when i do.. no but some of the bloody time would be nice!! He is still insistent that he doesnt see why we have to have sex all the time when we love and care for one another, im like yeah i know but we gotta get some middle ground... just seems we dont, as i go off the deep end i suppose if things dont change straight away. So now we are stuck in this catch 22 and its making me get cross, so i kinda think the next time he ask's for sex i will say no, but i dont cos god knows when i will get it next lol, but hes always thinking hes gotta perform, how do we get out of this mess, and just get back to having sex once a week, i cant take the focus off and the longer we dont have sex i seem to get cross about it! I just want a normal healthy sex life is once a week too much to ask... how can i get it back, it was once so perfect and this is the only thing wrong with the relationship the sex! it drives me nuts! I know im throwing a paddy, but i really want it to be different to this but dont know how!!! Please help.Thanks
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sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2006): i feel the same but what can you do?i've got a sex drive that no one can put with.we've got the same problem.its not personal its purally physical.i know its a need.if you want to talk about it drop me a line.allen.human
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2006): your being para.... thats what relationships are all about. why dont you go out one night make your self up and feel good about your self... sex is something that happens not forced so spice it up baby. keep it real dont worry. men are not like us women..... make him feel he needs u. im sure u can... given ur a women. go go.
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A
female
reader, amelia +, writes (30 June 2006):
Does he have a lot on his mind at the moment or perhaps he is feeling pressured because you keep asking him for sex. Maybe you need to try the tactic of spending less time together out of the comfortable mode and more time with your friends etc...so that he has time to miss and yearn for you again. Dont mention sex at all - and maybe that will start making him come around to your way of thinking - he will be intrigued and probably start wanting it again - reverse psychology!? good luck! x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2006): Hi I posted the question . Thanks, But I tried the dressing up, was all dressed up for him for when he came home one day... He still walked past me and got on with the washing up! Saying that things needed to be done and we cant stop everything just for sex! Its so nuts cos we used to be so spontaneous... and we are still very much in love, we are intimate all the time apart from sex! hes always affectionate to me always showering me with love and kisses, cuddles etc.. so i dont know ive talked to him, ive tried to stop pressuring him but not alot seems to work.. :o(
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A
female
reader, amelia +, writes (30 June 2006):
I would suggest spicing things up by dressing up a bit. Basically after 3 years (I have been with my husband this long) things do get a bit dull as you see that person so regularly and the spice and excitement wanes. Try wearing stockings and suspenders, putting on some sexy make up and I bet you he wont turn you away ;) No its not true that all mens sex lives wane my husband would do it every day of he could - its me thats lost the urge! Crack open a bottle of wine and try and get him to look at you with fresh eyes like when you first dated - I bet the sex life will improve!! Fingers crossed for you.
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