A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, everyone.I have a specific goal that I wish to acheive. I'm in my early 20's, I still am a virgin, I STILL don't know what a kiss feels like, etc.So, I figure, to kill 2 birds with 1 stone, I should get together with a cougar. However, this is a personal choice of mine, and, as a result, I don't wish to have people beg me to not do it, and stuff like that.Are there times when these ladies like to "Come out and play"? Or, could it happen anywhere, at a completely random time?I look all around me, and, basically, everyone, but me, has experienced the whole package. I'm also wondering if I'm like the proverbial table scraps? Sure feels like it - at the time, I apparently have not much female attention, and, it's really starting to get to me.When I was younger, I think I had better luck, although, I still didn't get any lip on lip stuff. But, I DID encounter a couple of Cougars. Completely got fooled by 'em, too. Saw them in clothes for (At the time, I was in my early teens, eh.) adolescents that were in the age group I was in at the time. As I approached them, I knew they were NOT in my age group. At the time, I was oblivious to why they dressed like that. But, now, I know why.Are there some tips on what I can do to attract Cougars? I apologize, for the REALLY long post. However, I appreciate your time.Thanks, in advance, eh. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 You want to attract an older woman? You haven't attracted a younger one, as you write.
Maybe you need to stop hoping a female will notice you and actually start talking to them, wherever you are. Just practice conversation with every one you meet, no matter how old they are.
Did you ever see the film "Crazy Stupid Love"? Make sure you are presentable, smell good and then go start talking.
Your issue appears to be that you haven't even had a kiss yet. So whatever you are doing right now, or not doing, just changing the age range of the target pool isn't going to fix this for you.
Are you a loner or do you have loads and loads of friends?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 May 2012):
 I hate to break it to the but there are plenty of immature older women and plenty of mature younger women...
Again to anyone who says I target specific parts of the dating population because.... and then don't have the experience to back it up but base it on what the media portrays as the stereotypical person in that range I say, get to know a person in general... do NOT limit yourself to a target group based on what you THINK...
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A
female
reader, daftmoo  +, writes (19 May 2012):
You're right that older women are less likely to play games. That's just fact, not an insult to younger women.I also think younger men aren't into playing games.Perfect unison in that way.But I can also relate to what someone else posted, I won't let my booty call come to my house, he could probably find out where I live if he really wanted to, but I prefer to not go to each others houses, as I wouldn't ever want someone turning up at my door.I have had that with a guy before, he wasn't much younger than me, so that's not even to do with age. I just want uncomplicated fun. Older women CAN want just that, it may be rare, but I think it's also more likely with older women because they have a lot going on in life, families, homes, businesses, sometimes we just don't want the whole relationship thing going on.So as for using someone, what's wrong with that if you are both happy with that?People get way too hung up on this whole using people thing.Everyone uses everyone in life, for different things.If it's legal AND you find someone that's after the same thing that you are, go for it! Life's waaay too short as it is x
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 Women can see through any man, and the "cougars" will see through you like you're the Hollow Man, only with boundary lines for easier viewing :-).
You Wish, he only wants the sex. He can do what you suggested, only he needs to know that he'll be boxing with the professionals.
Eventually he will leave the woman, or the woman will leave him.
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A
female
reader, Arete +, writes (19 May 2012):
As a woman not far from your age group, I'll be frank with you: I think the real obstacle between you and losing your virginity is that you seem to be looking for sex with no strings attached. You'll find that not many women in any age group, cougars or otherwise, are just looking to sleep around with guys they hardly know. And you may find the ones that do bring more drama to the liaison than the sex itself is worth.I have a coworker a year or two older than you, who for reasons unknown chose not only to go looking for a hookup with a cougar but also to confide in me about it. Well, he found his cougar and they did start off with casual sex, but it turned out that she was actually looking for something serious and had used sex up front as the bait. When she started calling him every few hours to check up on him, he reiterated to her that he didn't want a relationship. She got mad and started showing up at his house unannounced. When that didn't work, she told him she was pregnant. Not true, but I'm sure it gave this kid the scare of his life. My point here is that casual sex where no feelings get involved on either side can be very difficult to pull off.You have all the time in the world to lose your virginity. My advice to you is, find a girl your own age you like and build a relationship with her so that your first time together can be meaningful and not something you regret. Best of luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2012): The main reason why I want to try older women is because of the maturity levels. Apparently, they WON'T play any games on me, as it's an immature act. I just hope that this clarifies the question of the age range I'm seeking for.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 May 2012):
Still thinking on how I want to answer this.....
As a 52 yr old woman who's fiance is 38 (for a few more weeks) I guess I'm qualified to tell you that older women for the MOST part are NOT out there LOOKING for young things to play with...
EVERY single older woman (and most of us with any self respect HATE the term Cougar) I know who is with a younger man be he 5, 10, 15 or more years younger did NOT go out looking for a younger man for a relationship. It just happened because people who are open minded enough to judge folks on their insides, not their AGE, or appearance tend to be more flexible.
You seem to have put women in general in a special magical category... and older women in the toy category with the "come out and play" comment.
I can't advise you on where to go to find a play toy but my fiance before he met me was a subscriber to a website called cougarlife I guess there are trashy women there that would be willing to indulge your specific targeted taste.
But like YouWish said... most women who are older don't suffer fools lightly. Unless it is shallow, brainless horny women you seek that will use and abuse you, I suggest you have a variety of interests and the ability to discuss them.
Also if you are looking for true love (and I hope you are not based on the fact that your criteria at this point is the worst one ever... it's AGE) I would not try the bars or dating sites geared to older women.... the best way to meet someone is to be active in activities that interest YOU because then you will at least have something in common with the person you are interested in...
I hope as you mature you will see that targeting a specific age group of women as a dating pool is really a bit much. I understand if later on with experience you PREFER older women but at this point I think you are basing it on the wrong thing (sex)... we are way more than just about sex....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012): It is doubtful you can have a real relationship with a woman whose age is similar to your mother.
Life experiences, decades of memories, etc... you would have nothing to share.
Not to mention the sexual end of it. You should not have your first encounter with a middle aged woman. It should be a young girl, of consenting age. As a young man, your first time should be with a young girl, so you can enjoy the tightness of the encounter. You won't get that with a middle aged woman.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 May 2012):
 Hmm...I could answer this in more than one way, but I guess one question that kept coming to me to ask you is...are you wanting a relationship with a lady who is older than you, or are you simply looking to scratch a sexual itch with a "cougar" with no real intention or attraction to who they are as people?
If you are honestly attracted to older women, then you could check out any online dating site, or get involved with a hobby you have and speak to women with a common interest. If you're in the 18 years old range, in the past you would have been seen as jailbait as a teenager.
However, if you're just looking for a cougar to have sex with, best to go to the clubs or bars with lots of money to buy drinks with and chat up women you feel are attractive and are there for a good time.
Personally, I think it's a myth that there are roving bands of love-starved cougar women ready to lead you into their sex lair by your collar to teach you the ropes. Women who have been around the block don't like the idea of being used, which is why I suggested bars or clubs, where there is no leading people on.
Finally, you're not "table scraps". Cougars are far from desperate, so if you're thinking that an older woman is the only person who would go for you, think again. You have to be on your game and sincere, because an older woman doesn't have time for games. However, if you're serious about more than just education sex, then just go out there and get to know people. Treat a cougar right and like a princess. Go out and be adventurous. Hold your head up and be confident. Be honest about your lack of experience, but don't just say "Hey, I don't have sexual experience, so that's why I'm with you" or some such rubbish along those lines. Be interested in the person you're with, and not merely the sex.
I think you'll be fine. There's nothing wrong with wanting someone older than you, as long as it's not wanting to simply USE someone older than you. Know what I mean?
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A
female
reader, daftmoo +, writes (18 May 2012):
Well, sometimes you just have to be really brave & upfront.
I posted recently about having no strings sex with a 19 yr old. This was before the event. I appreciated all the advice, some said do it, some didn't. But we went for it, & it's been fun, we met up again last night. I am 41 by the way.
But it was him doing all the chasing, so I am not a cougar. More what he would call a milf!
He definitely wasn't a virgin. And is not bad! But he seems to like being dominated, so possibly the older women are more likely to enjoy that?
Anyway, he contacted me on line, we know each other in real life, but I guess it was easier on line.
After a lot of shock, & me asking him if 'this is a wind up' etc, I got my head round it.
What he said, we are both single, we would be consenting adults & it would be fun.
He was right.
There is no way I would want a relationship with him, there is no way he would want one with me.
We don't contact between meeting up, it is literally sex. Although we do chat for a bit after & have a giggle about anything & everything. Pretty soon we'll go for some drinks somewhere no one knows either of us, then have some outdoors sex! At some point it'll stop, probably because he gets into a relationship with someone. And that's cool with me. I love being single & I run my own business, I only just fit in some fun with him let alone a relationship!
Be brave & approach older women, don't just expect them to come to you.
If this guy hadn't approached me, we would still just be Facebook buddies that never actually speak on there lol
And I don't think an older woman is a bad idea for losing your virginity. Although the ultimate time would be with another virgin in my opinion.
x
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 May 2012):
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