A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:this is kind of a variation on the how to let him down easy question.he's a guy i work with (which makes it even more awkward), but the problem i have is that it's really obvious that he likes me (texts regularly, buys me coffee, always suggesting we meet outside work for lunch, comes up to me and nudges me at work etc), but he hasn't actually said that he likes me.he's a nice guy, and i don't want to hurt his feelings, but it's getting to the point where all of the stuff he does weirds me out (like trying to hug me at work) because i have no interest at all. how can i gently let him down and make him stop, when he hasn't even said he's interested, but it is bleedingly obvious that he is? i can't just say "i'm not interested" when he hasn't even said he is. and i'm getting tired and feeling guilty of making up some excuse why i can't go for lunch every time he asks me. please help!
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (3 June 2011):
Hi there. Perhaps what you could do is whenever he walks close to you, you could step away in the opposite direction.
But really, try avoidance. If you see him walking towards the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee, well don't go to the kitchen then. Wait until he has made it and walks back to his desk again. Then you walk down when he's not looking and make your cuppa.
Try to not make it too obvious that it looks like you are avoiding him, so that he doesn't get offended. You do have to work together after all.
The main thing is to be subtle when you avoid him. You don't have to say anything at all. Don't give him any encouragement, so he doesn't get any big ideas.
It is possible to send the message that you are not interested, without hurting him or without actually saying that you are not interested in him - romantically.
It's important that he understands how you feel, and you can do this with your actions. You don't need to say a word.
For instance, if you have to talk to him as a part of your work duties, well then just do and say what you have to, then just walk away and get on with your work. In other words, don't stop there for a few minutes and chat with him. Just do ONLY what is necessary, as a part of your job - and no more.
If he does try to make you chat with him, don't be rude and dismiss him, but just say - "I can't stop and talk right now (his name), I'm really busy today, sorry." Then just walk back to your work area and continue on working.
In any case, I think you understand what I am getting at here.
Just be kind and respectful always, and don't get angry with him at all. Within a short period of time, he will get the picture. Then he'll leave you alone and there'll be no more problems like that.
Eventually, he will probably find a girlfriend of his own - outside of your workplace - so then he won't be bothering you anymore.
Best wishes and take care.
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