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female
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anonymous
writes: am a little desperate at the moment not knowing who to talk to or turn to.i am so confused.my boyfriend or ex and i were having real relationship trouble for months as we were both smoking marijuana constantly. we both knew it was damaging our relationship but i found it more difficult to stop. it all come to a head when he split up with me a couple of months ago.i was devastated. we stopped smoking then and i knew i wanted him forever i couldnt see a way of being okay. then i accused him of seeing my best friend because of certain phone calls and they both made me feel so guilty.then he came to me after a week and said he wanted to get back with me and said he wanted to be honest from now on (as he had lied to me a lot previously) and said he had spoken to my mate but it was just to see what i was saying and how i felt because he said he didnt know if i wanted to be with him anymore. i believed him and chose to get back together. whilst back together i felt as though i was making a big effort but he wasnt. he didnt look happy to see me and he seemed to lose his temper a lot with me. i told him i didnt want him making an effort with my friend so he said he would feel awkward around her. we rowed a bit over him not showing he cared and then we had a big row one night and he brought up that he felt awkward around everyone- my family and her. so i suggested he pop round there after work with me the next day and he agreed. then on my way home that night he phoned saying he had changed his mind that he didnt want to see her cos it would be too awkward. i told him id told her he was going round and he just said he didnt want to. the next day i had a gut feeling to drive to her house on his lunch break- and there he was!he insisted it was because he was telling her sorry he wasnt being funny he just didnt want to see her with me. i had a massive falling out with them and packed my things and left. two days later his ex father in law came to my work and told me my bfriend had been seen with her at someones house. my dad went to confront him to try to get the truth but he denied any wrong doing- my dad ended up hitting him. in the week that followed he begged and begged and cried and wrote letters telling me how stupid he had been to let me go and he wil treat me better if i gave him another chance. he said he can prove things can be different. he still promised nothing happened he just felt he owed it to her to go round there to explain that he wasnt being funny. he said he wished he hadnt but he cant change it. he was begging and begging so i said ok well we will have to take it slow i need to know you really do want me and i need to trust you again. we met up a few days later and had bit of argument and then again next day. maybe it was my fault but i just wanted to be sure he really wanted me so i suppose i pushed him a little. now today he is saying he needs time on his own away from everything to see what he wants. whether he loves me the way he should. whether he can make me happy. whether we can forget the past. i just dont understand. how can he do this? how can he beg and beg saying he ll do anything and now not know? i love him so so much and want to be with him forever. he said he wanted to be with me forever and now doesnt know i dont know what to do or what to think please help me
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2006): Wow. There's just layer upon layer of mindgames and bullshit here. I know you and he once shared a perfect TRUE LOOOOOOOOOVE, but take a cold inventory of the last few months in isolation: the dubious rendezvous' with your friend, the constant indecisiveness, all in all it doesn't seem worth your while to wait for him to get his shit together. Let him go and enjoy being single for a while. It's less scary than you think. Pretty soon, you'll realize it's head and shoulders above this constant rollercoaster he's putting you on.
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