A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel such hatred toward my ex and I don't know how to get over it, even 3 1/2 months after we split up. I think about him all the time. Any ideas? Also, if I bump into him, I don't want to appear to be bothered by him? Any ideas? Our relationship lasted 3 months and whilst we were careful not to get into a rebound relationship on his part, I am sure that is what I was. We both wanted a serious, long-term relationship. We were really close friends for months (or so I thought) before we got together. He is the only man in my 31 years I have felt I could truly be myself around. We talked about everything, had fun. It was all really positive. I felt he was the one. He pursued me for 3 months, then asked me to be his girlfriend which I was so happy about. Two weeks after he asked me out, I said yes. I was a really cool girlfriend. I never put any pressure on him for anything because we agreed to take it slow. I was loving and supportive, encouraging etc. I always tried to make sure we had fun, etc. We never argued. So imagine to my horror that after we had sex for the one and only time, not long after that he started ignoring me. One time he came into the house, my mum noticed he didn't even say hello to me and he didn't respond to me physically when he would ask me to kiss him. He said how amazing his ex was, and how hot other girls were. He always mentioned how well he was treating other people (or so he says) and yet I was getting all the rubbish. I didn't receive any compliments at all when we were g/f and b/f, in fact he seemed keen to highlight what he thought were negative things about me. The weird thing was he was gradually including me in his life more and being even sweeter in some ways, and introducing me to his friends, etc and yet at the same time pushing me away. Anyway, I had been having a difficult time in my private life which he doesn't know about and I just feel that as soon as I could have done with his support he bailed out on me.I still can't understand why someone who wanted to be with me so much could change so suddenly into someone I didn't recognise.Since we split, he wants to be good friends and wants me to forgive him but I don't how to forgive and while part of me misses him more each day, I can never forget how he treated me. He had been asking me to see him but although I have told him before I went out with him that I don't do friends with exs, he doesn't know why. I still love him (how messed up is that) and would always want more and wouldn't know how to cope with him having a new girlfriend.I feel so used by him. I felt and still feel invisible and so indequate; that I was something so dirty and repulsive that he couldn't even bring himself to look at me (and I know I have to get over this). I have asked some friends for advice as I don't know how to trust people, especially men, anymore. I thought I knew this man inside out. Many have said that they think he just wasn't over his ex, but I can't understand why he treated me so bad. I have had all my dreams of a future with him snatched away.Just over a month after we split, he came over and whilst talking he told me about another girl he had met, how wonderful she is and I just felt even worse. I thought did I mean nothing to this guy that he is going straight out with someone else whilst I think I could never trust again? I genuinely think he has no concept of how the things he talks about and does impacts on other people; he thought we could instantly go back to being friends. I have since explained to him that I was having a hard time but he hasn't asked what the problem was or could he support me in any way, so it makes me think he isn't that serious about being a good friend.Whilst I don't think I can see him anymore for the foreseeable future, how can I forgive him in my heart so I can move on?
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his ex, move on, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2007): My Dear Sister, Forget this man he is just using you and yes you are the "re-bound" he does not deserve YOU. Heal your heart and move on. Bright blessing to YOU.
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