A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:how can i forget my boyfriend had sex with someone else?how can i trust that he wont hurt me again? i want to trust him but i dont think i know how any morewell me and my bf have been together for almost 4 years he is my first everything and we recently got into a big argument and he broke up with me. we were technically broke up for month. we have gotta back together after i begged him everyday to take me back...it was alot of abuse that i went through while begging but only verbal abuse.....so i hadnt seen him in a couple of weeks and when i finally travel 2 hours to see him he wants me to leave. i ended up stayin and we had sex this was very painfully because i knew thts all he wanted from me and i knew he was going to want me to leave afterwards. however i ended up staying with him for a couple of days and on the 3rd or 4th day he ended up kicking me out because he got made that i admitted to some things i did in the past. i was still asking and begging him to take me back but no was the answer. i ended come back to stay with him that same night and i went through his phone and found out that he was texting over 5 or 6 girls while laying in the bed with me and that he had sex with someone...he says thats its when we broke up..
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): Why in the hell do guys always get accused of using women for sex? Ok ladies write this down! If you offer a man sex for ANY REASON we are GOING to take it. If this guy just wanted her for sex he would have drove to her. SHE went to him. Come on ladies it's not that hard to understand.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): 1) You will never forget your boyfriend had sex with someone else, unless you successfully carve that part of your brain out of get amnesia.
2) Trust is built on two things: self-knowing and knowledge of target, welded together with experience. So for him to regain your trust, it will take time for you to redefine yourself and how he proceeds with you from then onward. If you finally feel you cannot redefine yourself and/or what you know of him seems redundant, then you can move on away from him.
3) His verbal abuse was the result of you pestering him right? If you didn't bother him repeatedly, he wouldn't have asked you to leave which later, ascended to being verbally abusive towards you. Regardless whether he was wrong to start, you went back to BEG for him to go back to you. Though others may show compassion for you, I for one, will have to say you deserved it to that degree.
4) You giving sex to him was just your low-esteem reacting to the 'warmth' of his body against yours, no matter how emotionally painful it was for you. It was your moment of having him with you, even if it was short.
5) Bluntly put: I'll give you the advice you seem to want to hear, but others will disagree.
Keep begging for him to come back to you. Since the world seem to end if he does not reciprocate the love you have built inside of yourself, this is what you have to do. Otherwise, you will be unhappy, unsatisfied even if he uses you as a sex toy while fantasizing about other women. Do you secretly enjoy hearing him yell obscenities at you? Do you feel turned on that while he's banging you, he is actually thinking about some other girl in a thong, hoopy earrings in heels, dancing sexually to arouse him? You like that don't you? Even if you tearfully cry and grasp at your heart, you long for his disgusting body to rub up against you and through his soiled breath, say, "I love you baby" with a grin.
My mom's house needs a new door mat. Mind coming over to replace it?
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A
male
reader, gumbbo  +, writes (18 February 2009):
OH this is awful, i am so sorry! Listen, please try and do what you can to get over this man, go out with your friends, get drunk whatever. He will never want you. He used you for sex just because you were there and throwing yourself at him. Now the more he rejects you the more you want him. He kicked you out in the end because he just wanted you gone, blaming it on what you told him was just the best excuse he could come up with. He will never want you.
Listen, live and learn, you are still young. Look at the way you handled yourself in this relationship and make a mental note never to do the same.
Mistake 1) You begged, this made you seem desperate, no one wants a desperate person would you?
Mistake 2)you went to him, never go to a man, let him come to you, it is the man who should chase, chasing him will only make him feel trapped and you look desperate
Mistake 3)you hung around, this would have annoyed him so much and made him want you all the less, just hanging around when he probably wanted to do his own thing. Less is more never outstay your welcome, if anything go early, this will leave a man wanting more
Mistake 4)you let him use you for sex, never offer your body as a way of being wanted because that is all you will be good for, a man wants more than just an easy piece of meat
If you learn from this you will never let these things happen again, you will be in control of your relationships and yourself.
You can't forget him sleeping with someone else, but in time (the greatest healer) you will slowley for him and what he did will not hurt you anymore.
Good luck, i bet you are a fantastic woman, just let things get to much. x
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (18 February 2009):
 I can just imagine how difficult it must be for you to have your 4 years long relationship ended. No matter how old (or young) we are, "change" could be a scary thing. You have been used to being as a couple, do things as a couple, thinking as a couple. Now you have to go it alone. It may feel like one of your important part of your body has been dismembered, but I am sure in time it will heal and you will be a stronger and better person from this experience.
I think by now you already realize two important things in your relationship: (1) in your case, lying and/or doing things behind his back, things that that you would hurt him (because you know it was wrong), and (b) abuse - be it verbal, emotional, or physical - is never good. Is not love supposed to make people people good, to support muitual respect, and to enjoy life with whatever fun and happiness it has to offer?
If you feel that you both had disrespected each other, and abuse each other, perhaps time off is better than being together. Since you are the one posting this question, I hope this means that you too are willing to listen to others who may offer you tips on how to heal yourself and be a caring person, for yourself and for others. Forget the begging and avoid abuse like a plague. If you are not in college already, take some night classes that would not only take your mind off him/relationship but that would also enrich your own mind. Art classes, for instance, or creative writing, or join a band LOL. Arts is food for the soul too, you know :-)
Be strong. And be a good person! The world needs more good persons! :-)
Cat
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A
female
reader, No_Nonsense  +, writes (18 February 2009):
 Hey thereSOrry to hear of your situation!You say that you can't trust him because he had sex with someone else. But girl, that's just one of the many issues that is wrong with your relationship! Look at how he treats you. He sounds like a user and you don't deserve to be treated so badly! I would suggest you leave. He is making you feel bad and you can't trust him. As for the sex, even if he never cheats on you again, you might always feel that you can't trust him. And that's no way to live! Relationships should be about love and nurturing, not pain and betrayal. Wishing u all the best
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): I just have a few words for you..... 'GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP !!"
I know it's painful to let go of someone you so dearly love. I'm also in a situation where I'm going through a breakup.... with someone I still love very much. I pray that U finally gain the courage and leave... especially that U are being used for sex and you know it.
All the best.
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