A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I had an amazing ceremony and reception, but at the after party we both got extremely drunk. A song started playing about kissing a girl, and I shouted "I can't believe I'm married now I've never kissed a girl!" or something like that. One of our wedding guests, who is bi, was standing nearby and she must have replied and somehow we ended up kissing. Everyone saw. My husband said that I seemed to be enjoying being cheered on so I went in for another kiss or two. I'm so disgusted with myself and so embarrassed that everyone saw. Our wedding was perfect except for this. I have no interest in kissing other women again and the fact that I did this in front of my new husband makes me so incredibly sad. He forgave me instantly, but I can't forgive myself. How do I ever move on from this memory? How do I respond when friends ask me about it? It was such an unclassy, stupid, attention-seeking, and immature thing for a grown woman to do on her wedding night.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2015): Thank you again for your responses. I don't often see many of the friends who saw it because they live far away, which makes it even stranger because I can't create new memories with them right now, and this will be their last impression of me for awhile. I go through waves of feeling like it was just silly and I should laugh and move on and be thankful I have such an amazing husband, and then periods where I am so ashamed I want to never talk to those friends again. Will keep working on this...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2015): Thank you again for your responses. I don't often see many of the friends who saw it because they live far away, which makes it even stranger because I can't create new memories with them right now, and this will be their last impression of me for awhile. I go through waves of feeling like it was just silly and I should laugh and move on and be thankful I have such an amazing husband, and then periods where I am so ashamed I want to never talk to those friends again. Will keep working on this...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 December 2015):
 There's bad news and good news ...
- I have to respectfully disagree with my esteemed colleague C.Grant . ( Maybe it's a cultural thing, I am quite aware that Northern Americans have a very high social tolerance for drunken shenanigans ). Tbh, for me on the scale of dumb stuff people do when they are drunk, it rates pretty high, say 8.5 out of 10. True, you did not physically harm anybody, then again so far I have not gone to any weddings where the guests come away from with firearm wounds or a knife in their back :).
The good news are :
- it ìs good that it weights on your mind and that you won't be able to forget it that soon. So you will learn from experience and know that you can't exceed certain limits in drinking and must stick to one or two glasses just to be social, in order to stay out of trouble and to not embarass yourself and your spouse
- you have married a gem of a guy ! He did not even sulk a bit, he just took it in stride . Imagine if he had done that to you, making out with your bridesmaids ( or with the best man ! ) under your eyes,- I doubt you would have been so understanding. This guy adores you !
- People have a short attention span, I am sure that your performance elicited various comments and chuckles at the time... give them 2 weeks and they won't even remember it or it won't be interesting enough to bring it up again.
If in the next couple of weeks someone should bring the episode up , just say : Yeah, what with the drinks and the overwhelming emotion of the day , I sort of lost my head for a moment. ( But... in future put a LOT of Coke in your Cuba Libre :)....
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (8 December 2015):
 I don't think that you will ever forget it but as time goes by you will be bothered by it less and less. Regret is something that, regrettably, we just have to live with... and we learn from it not ever be in a similar circumstance. If others ever ask about it, tell what you wrote here. As long as things are good with your husband and that you aren't pressured to do it again, you will be fine.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 December 2015):
 Eh, it happens. We all do stupid things we regret. It's part of life. Don't let this one thing overshadow all the great memories of that day. This was like... what, a minute of the entire day. Setting up high and unrealistic expectations about perfection is what's dangerous.
Have friends asked you about it, or are you just afraid someone will ask? Just shrug it off, people are usually quick to take a hint. Just say you'd rather not talk about it and find it embarrassing. That is, if they even ask, but I don't think they will. Why would they?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 December 2015):
 How do I respond when friends ask me about it?
You say exactly what you wrote here... "It was such an unclassy, stupid, attention-seeking, and immature thing for a grown woman to do on her wedding night. So can we NOT talk about it ever again?"
That way you OWN your actions and also shut them down from asking more about it.
And then you stop beating yourself up. If your new husband can forgive you, then you NEED to forgive yourself as well.
Everyone has done something stupid, immature.. you name it... It's all part of the human experience. And I bet you, none of your guests were judging you harshly. They might have had a WTF is she doing moment, but then went back to enjoying the party.
Done is done, let it go.
And yes, I agree 20 years from now it's will be funny, not mortifying.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2015): Thank you so much. I truly appreciate these comments. Those are both good suggestions about how to respond.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 December 2015):
 how do you respond
"yeah I did"
"I'd rather not talk about it"
I KNOW you don't believe me but I can PROMISE you that 20 years from now you will laugh about it... truly.
IF you can't forgive yourself then seek help from a competent therapist who can help you put it in perspective properly.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (8 December 2015):
 On the scale of dumb stuff people do when they're drunk, that one doesn't rate all that high. After all, no one got hurt. I understand your regret. However, if you and your new hubby were both drunk, it's a fair guess that lots of your guests were too. At a party with heavy drinking, stuff happens. Your friends probably remember it as a really great time, rather than judging you for something a bit regrettable.
All you can do with regret is learn to avoid it in the future. Sounds like you've got that one loud and clear. As for what to say if asked, how about "I'm never getting that drunk again."
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