A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i think i am a fairly pretty 16 year old girl but i am dating an ugly guy. i love him a lot, but i cant help feeling ashamed around him. i am disgusted in myself. i must get over this feeling becoz we love each other and we get on really well, its not like me to be shallow about things like this! please help me how can i forget the appearance part of this relationship? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): It has been my experience that couples tend to look quite similar, good-looking women have good-looking male partners, average people have average partners, etc. I suspect that human nature being what it is, people are jealous, have trust issues or are generally reluctant to pair up with other people who are much better or worse loooking than themselves. If you take a look at the wedding, engagement and anniversary section of your newspaper, you'll see most people who are together are of similar levels of beauty. Very seldom do you see the opposite. I'm not saying that it is right, I'm just saying that it is very human. I don't think you should think you are horrible because you have obiviously questioned yourself, but don't beat yourself up over it. P.S. - Have you met his Dad? You should check out family photos - sometimes guys who aren't cute as boys turn out to be really handsome when they get older!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): Looks don't last forever I'm afraid!!! And in my book personality goes a lot futher than looks ever will!!! Which would you prefer: to be in love with some one who loves you back OR in love with some one who loves themself more than they will ever love you?!?!?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): You will never 'get over'these feelings,nor should you feel guilty. This guy is not attractive to you. Trust me you are doing him and yourself no favors here by trying to pretend attraction is not important. Maybe you should ask yourself if you are actually afraid to be with a guy that you do consider attractive. Think about that seriously becuase to me dating a guy that you are not attracted to is a way of avioding feelings and vulerability on your part.
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A
female
reader, vina_101  +, writes (12 March 2007):
 Ok, look at things from his eyes. How do you think he would feel if he knew what you thought of his appearance? I am sure he would be hurt and disheartened by this and his self esteem will suffer. Does he notice that you are ashamed of him? If so then I don't think its fair on him to be with a girl who's ashamed of him.
I take it you are ashamed of him because you are worried about what other people think. But if you are in love with him as you say, it shouldn't really bother you what other people think. You should be proud of him and love him no matter what.If you make eachother happy then that's all that should really matter.
I understand that looks are important but if this guy is 'ugly' as you put it then what is it about him that attracted you to him? Was it his personality? You need to think about that and appreciate all the good things about him that you can't find in anyone else.
Don't get me wrong, looks are important to me too and as a rule I only date guys who I am physically attracted to. His appearance serves as a first impression and once I get to know him I will see if his personality matches his looks. Maybe you should do the same, that way you won't end up hurting him when he finally realises that you don't find him attractive.
Everyone wants someone they feel attracted to so you are not being overly shallow. The only thing you are doing wrong here is pretending to like him to spare his feelings when really you're ashamed of him. It's not fair and it's not good for his confidence. Please in future go for looks AS WELL AS personality. Not just one, but both. Don't force yourself to like him if the genuine feeling of attraction is not there. It won't work.
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