A
female
age
36-40,
*rincessjasmine
writes:How can you find true happiness within yourself without needing a man or anyone else to make you happy? I'm finding happiness through men that eventually hurt me because they see my lack of confidence and unhappiness. I want to be in a relationship but I am not happy with myself. I don't know what I want from life, or a career. All I want right now is a family of my own and because that's my focus and its not happening, I'm not happy. How can I let that go? I'm sick of hanging with my friends that are all married, I'm sick of teaching but need the money to support another career, living with parents doesn't make me happy but living far from them doesn't make me happy either. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I used to find happiness meeting new people and partying but now I find that pointless and meaningless because no one truly cares as much as family and old friends. I don't trust guys, they hurt me. This makes me insecure around them. So when they tell me they like me I don't believe them. I'm a mess. I do things I like like dance and travel but I feel alone....I wanna share this with someone else. All I see is couples and babies and I'm just unhappy because that's the only thing I want. How can I be happy in life with what I have?I try to be thankful but I'm not really.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2013): Spend some time volunteering with non profits that help people who are in poverty or have severe disabilities or who are suffering from abuse. You will see that many people would give anything to have the life you do. And maybe it will help you to feel more thankful and content with what you do have.
I am not saying you should give up on ever having a husband and children. You are still very young and have decades of life ahead ahead of you. But you are feeling so unhappy now. And as you know, a husband and kids wont just appear, it takes time to get to that stage and you're sabotaging yourself due to your unhappiness. Also if you are desperate for something, you will be likely to make bad decisions to get it. For example choosing and clinging to men who are bad for you. I think you should strive to manage your unhappiness so that even though you will still want a husband and children, it doesn't become the sole focus of every waking moment nor does it cause this level if despair. You recognize this and ask how? I think it would help to focus on helping other people who are less fortunate than you are. Focus on doing some good in this world, and also opening your eyes to how your own life is very good compared to so many people's.
A
female
reader, princessjasmine +, writes (1 November 2013):
princessjasmine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know what I'm passionate about or where I want to move. All I know is that I want to live close to my parents but in my own place, in a city, I am a teacher but I want to try a different career. But not sure what. I want to help south Asian women find jobs in america or to work and support their families. I want to do it in a creative, fun way like have them working at my salon or interior design company. I want to fuse my own business with an NGO that supports these women. I will feel so whole. I just don't know where to start. Teaching is the easier option but I feel like I'm wasting away days doing that. I love kids but I'm not passionate or happy following other peoples orders. How do I start my own business in a brand new place with no money to start with? Teach first?does having a stable career make one feel whole? I want to feel in control of my job and what I do in it. Is this what will make me happy? I'm not sure
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 November 2013):
 PJ: At the risk of sounding cliche..... remember that old saw: "I was sad because I had no shoes; ... then, I saw a man who had NO FEET"!!!!!!
I suggest that you spend more time and mental energy looking for GOOD things in your life... and screw the bad things. Heck, you're YOUNG!!! ... things that you want? ... you've got plenty of time to get them!!!!
(How about volunteering at a soup kitchen? ... or homeless or battered woman's shelter? That should give you some contrast...)
Good luck... and chin UP!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2013): If you try and find fulfillment through someone else you are making yourself a hostage to fortune. You know this. You like to travel, and I'm sure that you can find some passions that can be life long. They say you actually find love when you are not looking for it - it's true.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (1 November 2013):
 One thing I've always found to be so incredibly true: you cannot be happy with someone else until you are happy with yourself.
There are two types of (w)hole's in the world. One is where you are lacking something and need something/someone to fill it, and the other means you have no holes and you are 100% complete. You cannot have a fully functioning relationship if you have a hole you are looking to fill. You need to be whole already, in order to healthily maintain a relationship.
At the moment, you are looking to fill a hole in your life with men. This will never work. And you have been reinforced time and time again it is not working, also, by experiencing failed relationships.
I urge you to take time away from dating and figure your life out. discover what you're passionate about. move out and get your life going in the direction you want. Once you feel you've built up that confidence and filled that void in your life, THEN look for a boyfriend. but as long as you continue to put so much emphasis on another person to make you happy, you will maintain a constant state of misery. Because for one thing, no one can live up to that much pressure, and two, you are ultimately responsible for your own path and happiness in life. Don't place it in the hands of others. Otherwise, you will be let down 100% of the time.
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