A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently started a new job as the manager of a small, all-male department of a large corporation. Almost immediately, I found myself attracted to one of my subordinates and lately it's become extremely distracting.A couple of weeks ago he did me a huge favor - unrelated to work - so I offered to buy him lunch. I was surprised at how nervous I felt sitting across the table from him, almost like it was an awkward first date. Apparently he said something about it to our coworkers, because one of them remarked about our "date".In the past few days I've felt some sexual tension between us at work. We tease each other, and our conversations seem to have a flirtatious tone to them. I feel very self concious if he stands close to me. I am his manager and the company policy is very clear that I am not allowed to date him, but he is leaving the company soon. I am single and as far as I know he is too. How can I find out if he's really interested without embarassing myself or jeopardizing my job?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, natmarie  +, writes (14 July 2010):
 Hey!! that;s funny. Just let him know in a subtle way you like him , then pass him your phonenumber when he leaves.. Simple!! Good luck!! natmarie xx
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (14 July 2010):
You are trying to balance on a razor-edge. The flirting that's happening here is a flirtation with disaster.
This kind of emotional and sexual relationship is not appropriate between a superior and a subordinate. Seed a search engine with the name "Monica Lewinsky".
The gossip about the "lunch date", regardless of how innocently or unintentionally it started, has already compromised whatever degree of impartiality you had with the employees in your department.
Either the relationship, or the organization chart needs to be changed. That could mean all thoughts and contact from now until this worker leaves the company must be "strictly business". (I'd consider it an act of exceptional integrity to admit your inappropriate thoughts and actions to this employee, and ask for his assistance in avoiding any recurrence for the duration of his tenure in the organization. Of course, this runs contrary to the teachings and precepts of the Management philosophy.)
It could mean that one of you serves in another segment of the organization. Gossip will correlate the transfer with your relationship, but each individual's analysis of the situation is going to be different and probably wildly inaccurate. In the long run it's probably controllable.
It is probably acceptable to resume your relationship after this employee changes employers. Pragmatically, an exit interview would be an opportunity to pass on, in the guise of "business networking information", at least as much of your contact information as your corporate guidelines call for. It could also be done at a "hail and farewell" gathering, if those are customary in your organization.
If the guy never follows up by contacting you, write it off as somebody trying to gain a special advantage with the boss - an adult, and more destructive, version of somebody trying to become the "teacher's pet".
In the meantime - you've got to keep at least a solid appearance of an arm's length relationship with the guy.
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