A
female
age
36-40,
*verclaire13
writes:I find it very difficult to make and keep friends. I am an attractive, 21 year old girl, however I find my good looks a burden. I feel that it is quite a taboo subject to talk about as it is not acceptable in our society to be confident in our outward appearance, however I find it very difficult to make friends with other women, mainly because people assume that I am not a nice person because of my looks. When I make friends with men, I think that they are only interested in friendship, and yet they eventually always make a sexual move on me. I value friendship above anything else however I believe that the way I look is a hindrance to me in that I can never make good friends. I know that I am a nice person, I am very easygoing, but as I developed as an adolescent, girls never wanted to befriend me and boys always had an ulterior motive and because of that, I feel that I have never been given the opportunity to be close to anyone. How can I change this in order to find a friend who can love me for my personality, and not just the way I look?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): You dont need other people to feel your amazing, but I agree you need a few close friends and if you have that then screw the rest of them
Gay guys thing doesnt always work. ive been friends with two of them and my friends joke i turned them "bi" coz they can make a move too. lol..
im the same with girls i always find they give me a once over and are kind of cold and dont want me out with them..but thats only the bitchy mindless girls who wouldnt know how to be a good friend anyways so I wouldnt mind..maybe your so caught up in thinking they don't wanna get to know you that you are giving out "signals" that you don't like them. not on purpose obviously. next time you talk try to be calm, and friendly and open body language..
People have said I am incredibly attractive, but trust me, my social world is LACKING and i often find myself sitting in at the weekends while my friends sit in with their boyfriends. I often wonder is this world about good looks at all, or is it about craft and being sneaky and chatty :( sad to think eh?
I would say a lot of people find us intimidating, so you've make an effort but never change yourself for stupid girls! if you dress down thats not really YOU is it?
a friend should like you for who you are! And Im sure you find one soon wether its at a bar, uni, a club... through other friends etc or your job! theres loads of ways and im hoping il meet people soon too. just keep smiling =)x
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (6 July 2009):
 Older women are easier for me to "click" with than women my own age. I'm not sure why, it just worked out that way. Maybe I have more in common with them, despite the age differences.
Also, gay guys are obviously not going to have ulterior motives...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): The best thing you can do is dress yourself down some. I know this is hard for anyone to do on purpose. Even the most attractive people aren't immune to insecurities. It is understandable for anyone to want to keep putting their best foot forward every day. But I urge you to try to play it down as much as you can stand it. Just think of all the times in those cheesy high school movies when the bitchly shallow hot chick gets outshined by the boy's female friend at the end. That female friend is usually some smokin hot actress that had been dressing down nerdy the whole movie until she finally gets revealed at the end. The glasses and baggy clothes usually didn't fool the audience about how hot she really was, but it made them like her a lot better than the shallow hottie.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): I have the exact same problem. I'm 23 and have never met a man who wanted to be my friend and only my friend. It annoys me how quickly men can think they're in love with you, because, happening so quickly, it can only mean their "feelings" are based on your looks and have nothing to do with who you are. I don't know what to suggest, since I'm having the same problem, but at least if you're looking for a partner, remember to note the difference between the ones who compliment you on your beauty and the ones who make the effort to compliment you on some aspect of your personality. Also I have some fairly unflattering glasses which tend to put off a lot of guys lol, but that's only temporary. I've tried meeting some on the net, and not putting up a photo of myself, but then they always want to see one and things change after you send it to them. You can't make friends with guys who already have girlfriends, because instead of not looking at you in a sexual way they end up leaving their partners to chase you. Gay guys maybe as a starting point? And when it comes to making friends with girls, just try being really really nice to some female acquaintances - they probably just assume you've got an incredible social world already, being so attractive, and may find you intimidating, so you've got to really make an effort.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (6 July 2009):
Your good looks are a burden?
Oh man oh man, cry me a river!!
You have two choices:
1. Gain 200 pounds and get a VERY unflattering hairstyle. I have a feeling that you'll opt for...
2. Think about your interests, and go to places where they offer activities that pertain to your interests. True friendships and love are based on understanding and things in common. You'll be likely to find someone with whom you click if you pursue things that interest you. Do you like sports, art, theatre, chess? What floats your boat?
You're between 18 and 21, I see, so you might be in college. This is a great time to join clubs and pursue activities. You don't even have to be in school, but if you are, take advantage of it.
As a lifelong music and drama freak, I got into theatre and played in a band. I loved it because I had music in my life, but I also made some very, very dear friends. Everyone else thought we were freaks, but screw them, we had each other.
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