A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I moved about 1000 km from my home town a few months ago. Before I moved, I was seeing this guy but we didn't get serious for a few reasons - 1) he got badly hurt by his ex and needed to work through some things before he could think about getting into anything serious. 2) we knew I was moving. We got really close though, and went through and shared a lot together. After I moved we missed each other and started flying back and forth every few weeks until a month ago when he went overseas to get away from everything (including his ex) and work through what he needs to. Now recently he's been saying he misses me more and more frequently and intensely, that he thinks about me all the time and that things are already getting clearer for him and he can't wait to come home and see me again. Now I care about this guy like I never have with anyone before. He's an incredibly special person and I always want to have him in my life, in one way or another. We've been through a lot together and I feel like he knows me so well, as I know him, and I can be comfortable and say anything to him. Up until a couple of months ago, he told me I should date over here and not feel committed to him. (Since then he occasionally asks if I'm seeing anyone and smiles when I'm not). But for the past few weeks I have started seeing someone over here and he's really sweet. Judging from the fact that he's already introduced me to his friends and admitted to being worried about what I would think of them rather than the other way around, I think he really likes me, so I don't want to hurt him. Of course there's a lot we don't know about each other (we've only known each other for 2 or 3 months), but I do like him as well. So there's my lengthy dilemma. Do you think my guy from back home is starting to feel he could commit to someone soon? Is there anything I can do to avoid hurting 1 (or both) of them? Do you think long distance can work? On my current income I really can't afford to keep up flying back home so often. He earns a lot more than me though. Is it wrong to keep seeing the guy who lives here?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): It is not wrong because you are not committed to anyone yet. It will become wrong when you begin to lead one or both of them on. What I mean is, you should try to tell the long distance guy asap what is going on and that you are dating someone. It will hurt him I think but it will be much lighter hurt than if you hid it from him...and the longer you wait the worse the situation can be. Remember he is not only a potential guy for you, he is also your close dear friend.
About the decision between the two guys, it is a choice you have to make for yourself, which one you want to pursue as they both seem nice. One guy you don't know so well but seems nice and special. The other guy you know very well but isn't near you nor is he sure about what he wants as yet. They both sounds nice, and you do sound nice as well, sorry to say but one will have to get hurt. You don't owe much to the new guy you are dating to talk about your long distance friend but I feel as though you owe a little to your long distance friend.
Good luck to you, and I rly hope something works out babe.
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