A
female
age
36-40,
*ib1
writes:It's been 5 months and I still haven't let go. I feel totally pathetic that I have barely progressed in getting over my 2 year relationship. Granted after 3 months he started to woo me and get me to want to be with him again. And then at the 4 month break up mark when I was decided maybe we could work it out he bailed on me. It's been a month since then we haven't spoke but keep dreaming about him and still cry over him at night. I just out on my own in the middle of a city and I think people can sense I'm heart broken. I want to make friends and move on but something inside me refuses to let go and I feel like an ass. Almost like there are two parts to me and the unreasonable part won't let go of him and it's stronger than the reasonable side. What can I do? I feel hopeless?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): You poor soul; I have definitely been in those shoes, but I wore them for well over a year.
This is an outside-of-the-box suggestion, but I will say that reading is a very handy tool in regards to how to rebalance yourself after the end of a relationship. Everything from comic books (like Garfield) to novels with a sense of humor, to books about psychology and philosophy. All of these types of books have helped me not only to gain ground in healing from a broken relationship, but also to capture a better sense of who I am and what I want out of life. The comics help to relieve your serious mood. The witty fiction helps you to utilize your imagination, where you would otherwise feel oppressed by reality, you can reestablish your sense of creativity. The psychology books help you to understand why you have certain emotions and why it is OK, and the philosophy books help you to begin to reintroduce yourself to having an optimistic approach to life.
Hope this helps for you as it has for me. I'd also recommend reading the Tao Te Ching, as it makes even the biggest flops in life seem quite small in the grand scheme of things.
A
male
reader, SinVA +, writes (7 December 2008):
I kinda get what you are going through. I still think about my ex, and yes, it sucks.
Get him off your mind. In my case I started going to the gym, playing soccer, basketball, learning the piano, anything to get her out of my thoughts. Any sport you enjoy, there are others who love it aswell, so find them, at your local park, gym, work, wherever and join in the fun. Whatever activities you enjoy, pursue them. Pick up stuff you dropped during your relationship. I hate to keep citing my case, but throughout my relationship I stopped playing soccer, a sport I love and grew up with. Now that I'm single, I have more time to dedicate to getting back into the game and once I head on the field I could care less about my ex. Remember what you love and go for it, no one is stopping you anymore.
Start working out. Getting in shape makes you feel great and gives you confidence. Anytime he pops up in your mind, before you start brooding on him say 'it's over, time to move on' in your head and flush the thoughts out.
Take comfort in knowing there are others who went, and in my case, are still going through the same shit you are. It sucks, alot, but we will make it. Shoot me a message if you ever need to talk, and goodluck
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