A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am getting so fed up with the male attention i just can't seem to shunt. After breaking up with my longterm boyfriend i accidently jumped straight back into another relationship. As soon as i began feeling overwhelmed i told him i didn't want anything serious. He said it was fine and that he understood, but still kept getting closer. Meanwhile my ex has been trying to win me back...we were together for such a long time that i'm finding it difficult coping without him. I don't want to get back with him however as he really destroyed my trust. Both guys have been amazingly nice to me and trying to show me that they care, but it seems no matter how many times i say 'no' they're still hopeful. It's in my nature to be nice, i hate coming across as nasty or blunt, but as hard as i try to be blunt neither of them are understanding my point of view.I've told them both that i don't want to be in a relationship, that i have too many other responsibilities right now (i have a uni interview next week and i'm having family problems). They both seem to think that if they wait for me then one day i'll be ready, but i don't want either of them. I don't have the guts to just yell it in their faces, and i'm trying to keep the peace whilst being firm that they understand i don't want either of them, but no matter how many times i say it, it won't sink in.I don't know what is so special about me that 2 guys are willing to wait for me to "be ready", but i'm fed up of them not considering my feelings in all of this. Its all good that i make them incredibly happy but being in a relationship at the moment makes me miserable.I need to know what i can say to get both of them off my back and give me my space without thinking that i'm rejecting them for doing something wrong. How can i get them to understand my point of view when neither of them will listen?
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male
reader, anoms +, writes (23 April 2009):
 it really isn't that difficult to pull each of them to one side an tell them your not playing games and your genuinely disinterested . if you announce this infront of everyone an try emmbarras them it may lead to a confrontation, and it could come accross that your just looking for attention, simply tell them you have gotten back with your ex or met somone else, gudluk
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (23 April 2009):
 TRY BEING HONEST WITH YOURSELF
Look at it this way....
Your boyfriend cheated on you right? So you know that cheaters do not change, as much as they protest(and people tell me Im crazy around here, but I have yet to be disabused of this by anyone on Earth)and say that they have either seen the light or that they love only you.
You have to accept a part of the blame here. By jumping head first into a rebound relationship, you not only jeopardized your own recovery from a cheating S.O, but you have given the other guy a false sense of hope by even starting with him in the first place.
You need to own up and not string either of these goofs a second longer. I can understand if you started up with the second guy(only to find that it wasnt what you wanted), but rather than continue a circle of drama started by your cheating boyfriend, have the self respect to suck it up and
tell them both IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that your relationships have run their course with both of them.
Only more low drama will come out of this the longer you dawdle. Just cut your losses, run for your life, and be glad that this chapter in your life is over. You are young enough to begin anew.
Consider yourself lucky
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): I say you have to tell them, tomorrow so why not today?
Its best to express yourself. You sound nice , so best way to be nice and sort this issue would be, start distancing from them, no txts, no calls and avoid them much as possible. Take it easy in the begining and then slowly increase the distance.
Lastly, Think of it by not expresing yourself, you will be wasting their time, time when they can go look for someone else.
Goodluck with Uni interview.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 April 2009):
You stop being namby pamby and tell them both that you are NEVER going to be with them.
Tell them it's not their fault but you just don't want a boyfriend.
Do not keep seeing them. Do not stay friends with them.
Go to your uni interview and then move away as a single girl.
Good Luck!! xx
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