A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with a guy for nearly 5 months now. Everything is fantastic and we love eachother very dearly.The problem is, I can't stop worrying all the time!I constantly think he is going to break up with me, something is going to go wrong etc and i can't get these thoughts out of my head.He knows that i have these problems because of past relationships that were bad that i went through, and he is being very supportive and understanding.But i feel like i am going to drive him away, constantly worrying!I worry about the silliest little things like if he hasn't called on time.He reassures me all the time that he loves me and i know he does because of the way he is with me.I have never had a boyfriend that is so caring and understanding and i don't want to lose him.Can someone please tell me how i can feel more secure?I have very low confidence because of the way ex's have treated me in the past, amongst many other things.I just need to know how i can stop all these thoughts!Please help, thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2006): One way to stop them is: remind yourself that if you continue to worry that he will break up with you, and constantly need reassurance from him, you WILL eventually drive him away!
I take it nothing has occurred to make you think he might actually be considering breaking-up, has it? And I mean an absolute down-to-earth, cast-iron reason - NOT fears that you literally manufacture in your own mind!!!
If there is not, keep remembering that other ex's are in the past; you have learned from those experiences, and have grown as a person. You deserve a good relationship and are a worthwhile woman. Keep thinking of THAT. Next, stay busy! Get out and about with your friends some of the time; don't rely on your bf to be the only one you socialize with! He needs time on his own to see his friends, go fishing; go to the pub, whatever, without you worrying. YOU need time to pursue your own hobbies, either on your own or with friends.
By doing that, you'll have much less time to worry. You might also try restricting the amount of worrying you do. Tell yourself that at, say, 6 o'clock, "I'm going to indulge in half-an-hour of worry." Let yourself do it (in your own mind, not telling him) and when 6:30 arrives, end of worry-time! Get busy with something else - cooking dinner, getting ready to go out, read a book, make a phone call, watch a tv program, whatever, and if "worry" thoughts occur, tell them to get lost - their time will be 6:00 next day! This involves self-discipline, but you might try it.
Another suggestion: have you thought of finding a counsellor you can feel comfortable with and can really talk with to explore these things? That would help, too!
Good luck!
in
A
female
reader, miszy +, writes (1 September 2006):
 i know how you feel... you just need to start beleiving in your self and from how it sounds your boyfriend reli cares about you i would say stop worrying and we should see how it goes but always act yourself dont ever think yourself isnt good enough xxx take care
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