A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was in sexual relationship with a guy 6 months back. I'm 16 and he is 23. I agreed for sex because I was depressed after my break-up and I wanted to get over my ex. It was online relation. We used to sex chat. We never did it in real. He wanted to do it in real next year when I go their for studies. We were also good friends. I always cared for him. He asked me to show my boobs on cam. I didn't show him. I said no to him. He asked for my naked pics. I said no for it. He said if I say no to sex he will leave me that's why I said yes to him. But I never really wanted to do it in real. I just did sex chat. And I was feeling sick after doing it. I was feeling more depressed so last week I told him that I'm in a relationship with some good guy and I want to stop this sex chat and we will not do it in real. I was not in any relationship, I lied to stop this sex chat. He asked me to choose between that guy and him. I said I can't cheat when I'm in a relationship. He said I hurted him. And He left me. He is still in my facebook. We don't chat but I really care for him. My mind is saying that he is sex maniac because he always want to have sex with all girls. He said he cared for me. I don't feel he really cared because If he really did he wouldn't bring sex between our friendship. I feel like im used. I'm feeling really sad. It really hurts to see him flirting with other girls on facebook. I hate him at a same time. I didn't said a word to him because I can't hurt him like he hurts me. I didn't go back to him its been a week now. Should I block him? How should I get over this feeling? I feel I did wrong :"( I regret what I did. I did it in depression. I want to change myself. And I will not trust any guy so easily in future. Is it late for me to change? How should I forget him? :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): He is back because he is probably angry that you deleted him and he senses you are still vulnerable with regards to him- he thinks he can get what he wants from you. He wanted to bully you in to sex by saying he will remove his attention. Keep reminding yourself of what he really is, someone who only wanted sex and who is a womanizer.
Abella is right, block and ignore any communication from him.. then you will be free to work on yourself and to find someone who is good for you. Prove to yourself that you're even stronger than you think... get rid of him forever.
Please *talk* to your mother, she may be upset but she will be there for you, and she will be happy that asked for her help. That is what she is there for, to guide you through things like this.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 block him, Please. It is everything he deserves.
If you successfully remove him from your life them new doors will open.
He is holding you back everything second you give him a second chance, over and over again.
Once you have successfully blocked him from your life then new doors will open
Best wishes
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 September 2011):
block him, Please. It is everything he deserves.
If you successfully remove him from your life them new doors will open.
He is holding you back everything second you give him a second chance, over and over again.
Once you have successfully blocked him from your life then new doors will open
Best wishes
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 September 2011):
 NOT ONLY should you ignore him you should BLOCK HIM on facebook then he can't send friend requests and upset you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ Anonymous, I didn't take it personally. I know I'm desperate. I WAS, now I have made a promise to myself that no matter what I will not trust someone easily.He don't deserve my tears, he was not mine at first place. I guess it was all because of my depression and it was my mistake to let him use me. which I will not repeat.
He sent me friend request on facebook today :( I was doing perfect without him but now he sent me request again :(
should I listen to what he want to say? or ignore?
My mom doesn't know anything about it, I never tell her anything. this can hurt her if she comes to know about it.
I'm giving time for studies, and spending time with children and my hobbies. He only said that he doesn't like me because I said no for sex and he will not talk to me again. So, I removed him and cut all contacts, why he is back now? :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): This is anonymous. I don't mean that as a personal attack to say you're desperate so please don't take it as that. You have a very stressful family life and it is completely understandable that you need friends/love/hugs, even more because of that. Talk to your mother about what is going on, she needs your support too, you can support each other. Keep trying to make friends, go to do activities, get a part time job, do some volunteer work to help people or animals, hang around with people your own age. You are too young to be going out with men who are 10 years older than you, that is way too old for you. Don't go out with anyone you meet online, that can be very dangerous. As bad as you feel now it would feel much worse to actually be in a relationship with any of these men and be tossed aside by them because that is what they will do. Go out with boys in your own age range. Talking to a professional about what is going on at home would help also. Do you have a pet? They will give you unconditional love and attention if you care for them.You didn't do anything wrong except to use poor judgement to get involved with this guy and your x, but you were strong enough to get away from both of them. Remember that, you are strong! And you'll get stronger over time from these experiences. Don't feel sad that this man isn't contacting you, he only wants you for sex and that is his only regret here, that he didn't get what he wanted.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (13 September 2011):
you are still a teen, you need good support. Please seek out a good Teacher at school who can tell you where to go to get good treatment from a medical doctor to give you help with these feelings of sadness. Once your depression is better treated you will be able to work harder on your self esteem and your studies. And become more relaxed. While you are so very stressed i
can understand why it is harder to develop and maintain friendships. That will change as you regain your confidence and grow as a person.
But your ex? Stay away from his as he will drag you down to his base level.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 September 2011):
honey we all want hugs.
can you become a big sister to someone who needs support too?
I know it's lonely when you are not busy... maybe find a hobby that keeps you busy???
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm feeling better when I'm in school but when I'm alone I still think about him and miss him. He didn't message me :(@ Anonymous- I know I shouldn't care for him. And he never really cared. I don't know why I'm so desperate. I have no friends.I don't know what my problem is, but I know I'm turning people off somehow. I've always been a bit shy, but I'm not afraid to talk to people and try to get to know people. I try to be friendly and nice, but I don't think that's what people look for in friends anymore. I've been neglected as a child and in school. I have problems in my family, My dad is alcoholic and he is having affair. I have seen my mom being abused by him. My mom is blind due to diabetes. My ex-boyfriend was 26 years old he also wanted to use me, he cheated on me. It was online relation. I broke-up when I came to know that he flirts with all girls online. When this guy came in my life after my breakup. He gave me all attention that I was seeking for. I didn't want to do sex but I was ready to do anything to keep in my life. I thought that I could change him into a good person but I couldn't. As time passed, I realized that this relation would hurt me later in future. So, I tried to convince him to stop sex and just be friends. But he didn't agree. And I didn't want to lose him. I know it was my mistake. I should have said no to him in first place. But I couldn't. After all this, I somehow gathered courage to say no to him. And now we are no more together. I want to be strong. I want to be independent. I don't want to be desperate. I become depressed sometimes, I'm not seeing any counselor or taking any medication. I try to keep myself busy and avoid this negative thoughts. I feel so lonely, neglected and alone.I really don't know what to do anymore, I feel pathetic and stupid for crying over having no friends or wanting a hug but I can't help it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): You did the right thing!!! Trust me on this, this guy is not someone you want to have anything to do with. Just keep telling yourself what he really wanted from you and how he manipulated your emotions to try to get that. Also think about why you allowed him to do that. You don't care about him, you just convinced yourself that you did because he paid a small amount of attention to you, and you're lonely and depressed due to your breakup. And lets face it from what you've described here he basically asked you to have sex right away so that was all this “relationship” was ever about.“He said if I say no to sex he will leave me that's why I said yes to him” This was your mistake. Why would you care if he leaves you, he was never with you in the first place. You have to figure out why you're so desperate for attention that you would agree to the sex chat and then to possible sex in the first place when you really knew what was going on. When people tell you what they are right away believe them.Don't reply to him at all in any form. If I thought you were strong enough to handle this, I would say tell him a few choice words about what he really is, but I don't think you can handle any contact with this man so just let it go and start to heal yourself. You might want to put him on a website for men to beware of if there is one in your country.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 September 2011):
Think of him like a Very dangerous Bad Drug. And you know for good health you must say NO to drugs, well you also have needed for a long tim to say NO to him.
He has tricked your mind in the past to make you believe his lies. Abusers love hurting their victim. They enjoy torturing like a Cat tortures a Mouse until they are ready to discard you.
You Did the right thing to Block him.
Now you need to work on Emotionally strengthening you. Inside. See your Doctor about how sad you are feeling. Ask your Doctor to recommend a good counselllor or therapist who can help you better cope with all the emotions swirling around within you.
Ask one of your Tech-savvy friends how to block him from messaging you? Get a new Sim card, change your number on your phone.
You do need to block all opportunities for him to message/contact you.
Find and talk to a reliable counsellor/therapist and get some urgent face-to- face counselling.
Because you are going through an emotional time and the first 6 weeks are tough. But every day you say NO in your head to ALL contact with him you will get stronger.
You must find the backbone to go forth
IN CHARGE of your own life. Do you have a caring family member who would support you and not gossip about what you tell them? In the answer is No, there is no one in the family you can talk to, then getting the professional counsellor is even more important.
It is very important that you STOP being at the mercy of this guy's whims. You need to take stock of where you want your studies to take you in life.
You do not need this nasty USER of a guy in your life and lying to you..
You need new good people, new experiences, happier times, and better support all around you.
Allowing him back is the WRONG move. He will drag you down and discard you when it suits him,
You deserve nicer people and a much better group of friends to spend time with. You need him out of your life so that you can start thinking about and look foward to, and eventually enjoy a Better FUTURE.
find that good counsellor and get that face to face counselling started to work through your issues and to get stronger inside emotionally.
Best Wishes to you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 September 2011):
you did NOT do wrong to remove him
he does not care for YOU he cares for what YOU will DO FOR HIM... that's not caring for you...
do not agree to sex chat and do not care if he leaves.
i know this hurts... it will pass with time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI removed him. I deleted all his contacts. It's really going hard for me. But I can't let anyone use me. I want to be strong. Its hurting badly. There are still some question going in my mind. Did I do wrong by removing him? He said he cared for me, will it hurt him? I agreed for sex chat and later refused. Was I wrong? I agreed because he didn't gave me another option. He said he will leave if I don't agree.
I was all alone and depressed. Its going hard for me to accept the fact that he never really cared but he pretended he did. I still care for him. He made me feel special and at the same time like I'm just another girl for him. :(
If he message me asking why I removed him, what should I say to him?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 September 2011):
You WILL be happy without him. IGNORE him. he will escalate his behavior and try harder and harder to get you to acknowledge him.. IGNORE HIM
live well...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Of course you can be happy with out him! You were never happy WITH him.
Good luck and I hope you hit the delete button and find out how nice it feels to have him "removed" from your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): You can remove him and you need to do it right away! Please discuss this with your mother or a trusted relative/friend. You are strong enough to do this. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 September 2011):
quite the opposite. You will grow and prosper and enjoy life better without him in your life.
Abusers hate the thought that their influence is waning.
Go forth confidently into the world. You can make it, and do very well in the future, without him in your life.
Best wishes,
Abella
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 September 2011):
No, any man who call you that terrible name does NOT deserve a response. Not ever.
You DO need to remove all avenues of contact between him and you. Yes you do need to block him in every way.
He has behaved very badly.
Contacting him will get you back to the bad times, not immediately, but it will make him bolder. And he WILL get nasty
again. Try to find the courage to Block him and remove all avenues and
opportunities of Contact with and from you. For your own Good.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for replying.. I know I should remove him from my facebook and cut all contacts but its really hard for me. I'm not talking to him anymore. But I can't remove him. :"( I will try to remove him soon. He thinks that I'm a sad person and I can't be happy without him. He thinks that I will come back to him. He said lot of things to me before breakup. I didn't said a word to him. I listened to his hurtful words, It really hurted me. I want to show him that I CAN be happy WITHOUT HIM. And I will never go back to him. I'm angry because of what he said. When we were in a relation he called me slut. He said sorry for it that time. That time also I didn't said anything to him. But now I just can't take it. From the beginning of our relation he always hurted me and I kept quiet. Should I curse him? Should I message him saying that I was never wrong and it was him who was wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2011): He is a creep, it's a good thing you never met him in real life. Delete him off of your friends/block him. He went after you because you are younger than him and he saw that you were vulnerable due to your break up. Next time you will know that older or any age men online asking for naked pics are out for one thing. Don't agree to any of it next time. In time you will feel better about this, just realize that he doesn't care about you, at all. You may feel you had a relationship but you didn't really, you were just manipulated by a sick person.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 September 2011):
Delete & block him of your FB.
He kept pushing you to do things you didn't want to do, making YOU feel bad about yourself.
In the future, if anyone tries to make you do things you aren't comfortable remember this guy, stand up for yourself and say no.
Forgive yourself for your actions.
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A
female
reader, hot4shoes +, writes (10 September 2011):
 TAKE CONTROL GIRL! Are you serious? This guy only wants you for his property and his use. He is a manipulator and user. You need to grow up and realize that a lot of guys will TAKE whatever you give them, then drop you like yesterday's newspaper when they grow tired. You are way too young to get serious about men. Find yourself.... through school and healthy activities. Grow within and your decision making abilities will mature. If you don't, you will be like so many other young females.....single mothers with no choices and no money!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 September 2011):
As far as I am concerned you only had "verbal sex," because although you talked you were separated by miles. He was a few years older than you. And you were depressed and inexperienced.
You are still the nice girl you were when you met him. A little wiser. But far nicer than him. And not manipulative like him. He has done you a great favor (do not thank him!!) by breaking up with you. He kept pushing, pushing, trying, pushing. It was a game to him. And you are much better off without him.
Sadly you thought you have a friend. But at first he told you what he thought would appeal to you. But once he started asking you to show you your boobs he started to show his true colors - an Immature lecherous guy. And all applause to you for refusing to do this and for refusing to give him naked photos of yourself. Well Done for your good judgement.
Yes - do Block him on facebook. Be very thankfull he does not have pictures of you to send around the world. Do not keep him as one of your FB friends. You do not need him.
It was also a very smart move on your part to say you have another friend. Beware of him starting a new fake Facebook name just so he can try again to get you to agree to online sex. Watch out for any guy who acts like or sounds like him on FB under a different name.
You were astute to realise that any guy asking for the things he asked for is not a caring friend. Instead he behaved disrespectfully.
You should most definitely forget him. And develop a great set of interests that get you more involved with people face to face in person. And in worthwhile activities that bring you into contact with nice people who achieve good things, are intelligent and respectful to you. Join a Gym if there is one near you. Put lots of efforts into your studies. Get involved with your studies and aim to get good grades this year.
And every time you are considering doing something or anytime you meet new people and they suggest certain activities then so some SWOT analysis in your head and ask yourself each time:
"Is this Good for me?"
..
NOT "is this what the other person wants? but I am uncomfortable about it"
...
And SWOT analysis means you subject any decision or action or new relationship to this:
Strenths - what is good for me about this
WEAKNESSES - what is bothering me, what worries me about this?
Opportunities - what are some of the good possible things that could happen if I do this?
Threats - what is the worst thing that could happen if I did this?
Go forward with your chin high.
You have behaved very well the face of his spirited shenanigans and his attempts to make you do things you would later regret.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 September 2011):
you made a mistake... forgive yourself... be true to yourself from now on and move on... it was just chat which isn't the most horrible thing in the world and it's not something you should feel you have to share about yourself with new partners...
we tend to be harder on ourselves than our friends.
what would you tell your best girl friend?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know he never really cared but he said he cared.. And he said I'm not good. I'm really hurted. We were never in a relationship. It was not a relationship I know. He just wanted sex and I wanted to get over my ex. And I want this feeling to go away. Its really hurting me. I feel like I'm used. And I'm hating myself more for what I did for doing sex chat. :"(
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 September 2011):
he didn't care for you he wanted sex. he told you basically "I am only using you for sex".... he told you he would leave if you wouldn't sex him... at least he was honest.
block him
move on
and this time find a boy your own age... an age gap of 7 years is not much when it's 23 and 30 but 16 and 23 is a bit too much especially since you are not ready for sex and he is only interested in that.
it was never a real relationship he never wanted more from you than sex.
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