A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have fallen in love with a boy that I met online in Mid March. Never once have we chatted on msn...For the first 3 months of knowing one another was through emails, pages and pages worth of emails... Then we moved onto phone conversations. For the next 3 months we continued to talk over the phone. In mid September he lost contact for a week. Later I found out he was sick with the H1N1 and I broke down in tears...Suddenly I realized that I loved him and I told him...after a few days he wrote me a poem confessing his feelings. By October just when we were setting a date to meet in December ( my favourite month). For some reason he slowly distanced himself from me and when it came to meet he refused to set a date.In January on the 22, while I was waiting for a reply of some sort he texted me. He said he was trying to get his life in order. I asked him 'what now'... His answer...."There is nothing now. I met a girl" I haven't heard from him since.How is it possible that after all the emails (at least once a day) to phone calls that last for hours each night... go to not one call, not one text and a complete 180.I always felt that when we go into a relationship its always based on appearance, then we go deeper. But, with him I didn't care about how he looked even though we did exchange photos. After all the patience he had shown me, after agreeing to meet me he turns away.I feel foolish...because even though I've never met this man I have fallen in love with him.Can anyone tell me why he turned away? It has been 5 months since I last heard from him...Yet the wounds are still fresh. How can I fall in love with a man I've never met?
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female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (20 June 2010):
 no one is saying your foolish you just fell into something that f elt so real and i know i was their too! you feel so many emotions but you will get over this and realise that you are worth more and he will be in your heart but you can do better good luck with the future all the best aphex xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the advice everyone has given me... I know I will eventually move on, but I know deep down he will always have a place in my heart.
I realize some of you might doubt how close our relationship was...maybe I was foolish to believe it was more then it was. But, the words in his poem..." How you're the only girl, worth being her guy" I was sure it was a confession on his part...but then again he could be saying it to every girl he knew. I just felt that we had something special. Someday, things will get better... I just have to believe it.
Once again thank you for all the support and advice. Take care
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A
female
reader, QZ  +, writes (20 June 2010):
 Love is based on emotions and the way you feel. I'm sure over the course of talking with this man you shared secrets, hopes, dreams, and others things that you wouldn't tell just anyone. This level of closeness was probably brought on because of the conversations you had. You don't have to meet someone to fall in love with them because you don't need to meet someone in today's world to talk to them, to chat, or to share stories with them.
You seem to still be hurting, and that's normal. It's hard to let someone go that you've greatly trusted. It's okay if it takes a while to move on, because in six or seven years you'll have learned something from this experience and you'll be all the better for it. (:
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (20 June 2010):
 It is the act of him turning away from you, once he knew how you felt that makes you want him. if it is what I think it is you are feeling it's known as a type of love called "unrequited love". If this is what is occuring, unrequited love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer's deep affections.
As the literary selections suggest, the inability to express and fulfill emotional needs may lead to feelings such as depression, low self-esteem, anxiety and rapid mood swings between depression and euphoria. A universal feeling, by some estimates affecting 98% of all people during their lifetimes.
In terms of the feelings of the hopeful one, it could be said that they undergo about the same amount of pain as does someone who is going through the breakup of a romantic relationship without ever having had the benefit of being in that relationship. On the other hand, some research suggests that the object of unrequited affection experiences a variety of negative emotions, including anxiety, frustration and guilt.
Unrequited love has long been depicted as noble, an unselfish and stoic willingness to accept suffering.
You can learn more about this at wikipedia www.wikipedia.org.
Hope this helps you a little.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (20 June 2010):
i did something similar though i knew what he looked like and we chatted longer before we met..i dont know whether its were comfort for the time being or the flavour of the month but i suspect its something thats not long lasting! i say that because my guy was similar he fell in love with me wanted it to work so i set a date to meet him and then he faffs about he met me 1 day out of one week and i got rather upset so i knew that their was something. he said he needed to get his life in order.. i think they like it because they get the love an support they need but no real comitment its like a gap filler. im sure he did care for you on some level but that no longer applies. you should forget about him! whats done is done and nothing is going to change that you should move on and find someone who is worthy of your love and attention. good luck may time heal all wounds xx
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A
female
reader, laetitia +, writes (20 June 2010):
 It may not have been true love, but you got used to getting attention and you miss the attention. On the other hand men are unpredictable. They may be talking to many different women (online) or in real life until they decide which one is the most suitable or convenient for them.I suggest that you kill all hope for this guy and try to find someone else. Seek attention from family and friends. If he is on any sites that you visit (FB, msn, skype or other instant msg) or even email, block him and delete him and set a deadline for yourself that you will not unblock him for a determined by you period of time. That really helps.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 June 2010):
 It is fully possible to fall in love with a man you never met. Lots of people do. I've done it too. People who haven't experienced it find it hard to believe, but I know it is fully possible.
As for why he turned around 180? Did you and him have a commitment to each other? It appears you never never his girlfriend, although he wrote you poems and you confessed your feelings. In a relationship that starts online I found it the best to make the lines clear, and define what relationship you have. As long as things are online, there is no telling how seriously the other person takes it. If you have agreed to date each other exclusively, then you are in a close to long-distance relationship.
He was not exclusive with you. He probably flirted with other women on the side, maybe even had sex with them. He wasn't committed to you. So he found a woman that lives closer to him. Many find it hard to be in long-distance relationships and feel the need for physical contact. It also appears you and him never discussed this part. All in all, the way you describe your relationship with him it sounds like a friendship. You were in love, but all you were was friends. He had women he was physical with. You were just someone he enjoyed talking to.
Point is: he didn't commit. If you want a relationship to move on after meeting online, I suggest you set the boundaries early on. Did you ask him to be your boyfriend? Because if he had said yes, and yes to be exclusive with you, he would have shown commitment, and wouldn't have "met a girl". He is showing his commitment to this other girl by ending the contact with you.
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