A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My sister-in-law’s brother is 15 years old and I am 24 years old. Because of his age and his behavior, I try not to do anything with him. He tries to drink alcoholic beverage (he tries to get me to buy it a few times which I don’t but he has been known to steal it from people) and he also smokes cigarettes (steals them from his mom and dad). My dad, brother, sister-in-law, and my sister-in-law’s family is trying to get us to get along like “The Brady’s Bunch”. My mom is on my side of not liking my sister-in-law’s brother. My dad does not understand why I do not want the 15 years old kid around me. Should I write a letter to my dad explaining why I do not want the 15 years old kid around me? If so, what advice would you give me? What are some points you think I should put in the letter?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (4 March 2009):
 So you don't want to be around him because of his bad habits? Or his age?
He is at that rebellious age, and may be trying to discover who he is. Although his actions may not be the way that you approve, but every individual is unique in their quest to discover their identity.
I was thinking though, if you could actually be a mentor to him. Look past his negative behaviour, and talk to him. Ask him why he wants to drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes at his age. When he is old enough to pay for his own stuff, that is another matter. Maybe he just does not have anyone who can talk to him in a "language" that he can easily understand. Maybe you are exactly what he needs as a role model.
Talk to him as an adult. Coax him - and coach him - to be a responsible adult that he will one day become.
If he is a good kid deep down, he will change. He will see that people do care about him and want him to do well and live healthy.
Good luck!
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