A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I left my husband and now he wants me to come back. He's been abusive and I'm having a hard time feeling reassured that things will be different. He told me that I should stick with him in good times and bad and let go of the past because after all he stayed with my through cancer when other men would've left. This was hurtful for him to say because I didn't choose to have cancer but he chose to do and say hurtful things to me. Do you think saying something like that is a form of verbal abuse? How can I ever return after experiencing abuse? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010): Thank you, again, Cerberus. I just had a chance to read the article at the link you provided and based on this article, my situation is classic. So many of those points are exactly what I've experienced with my husband. It's really sad to read it and see...and accept that this has been my reality. As sad as it is, it's almost comforting to know that someone really gets it and it's reassuring to me that I did indeed make the right decision to leave and I'm making the right decision by not going back. Thank you so much!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): Thank you both.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): I say no, he can't pull that kind of emotional blackmail crap. There are very few guys if any at all that would dump a woman just because she got cancer, that's bullshit. If he did that just to hold it over your head as a bargaining chip then he's basically downgrading his role at that time to someone who only did it for those reasons.
You can't return it's as simple as that, he can give you all the reassurances he wants but his actions speak volumes "hey baby, you owe me, I stayed with you when lesser men would have left you" Yeah right, thanks a lot.
He basically tried to pull ye olde "nobody will ever love you as much as I do" "after all the things I did for you, you owe me" trick, he's trying to lay a guilt trip on you, don't fall for it. You don't pull that crap with the ones you love, you NEVER, EVER say/do things with the intention of hurting them. He's a selfish pig and he'll try and convince you things have changed but they'll quickly return once he's convinced he has you again.
I bet you my house, that if you downright refuse to have anything more got to do with him and move on with someone else, you'll see his nasty side pop up again.
Read this http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html
It's a very interesting article on people like him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 June 2010):
I urge you not to go back. Experiencing cancer is painful. Being an abusive husband is painful to your wife. In other words, the only person who has suffered pain is you. He's not shouldered any responsibility at all here, and his comment has proved that he hasn't changed at all. He's still the same. You are not obliged to stay with a man who treats you like dirt. For him to say what he did, that proves without a doubt that he has NOT changed, and will continue to abuse you. DO NOT go back.
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