A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can stop measuring my value by a man- since being young my parents and grand parents have lived a life according to what society thinks is right. My mom married my dad and stayed in a physically abusive relationship only because she didn't like the stigma of divorce - now both are miserable poeple- but I do feel that as a 31 year old woman they have brainwashed me. I feel my worth is only on how much I make and if I'm married . So much that it has led me to the arms of mentally abusive men or negligent men . At the work I strive to get more money but it never feels enough. I suffer from OCD and worrying about catching diseases so much that the only worry which is sick is - if I get something no one will want to marry me. I realize the damage my parents have done is bad and I look at them in anger- I've tried therapy but it's not working - does anyone have tips - I hide behind my good looks and degrees but I am not confident and I don't value myself - how can I ? It feels impossible! I still live with my parents because I am paying off my loans but we barely talk- does anyone have any tips?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 May 2017):
 You blame your parents, but where did they get it from? Your grandparents? You know lots off people live like this, but you cannot keep going on saying its your parents fault. You are an adult now so take responsibility. Book yourself in to CBT (therapy) and start trying to make your own life better instead off blaming others. Good luck.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (25 May 2017):
 Erase all that baggage and get it out of your day-to-day stream of thought. What's past is past. Treat each day as a brand new beginning. you will go crazy trying to place blame for everything on how others lived their lives. You are in control of your tomorrows. Sound like BS? Well think about it. You can live your life blaming your past for everything OR you can create a new future. Flip a coin. Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 May 2017):
 Don't blame your parents and grandparents for living as society demands. They know no other way. Life is different now than it was when they were your age. If you can try to understand WHY they are the way they are, I think it will probably help you to let go of some of your anger towards them. (I speak from personal experience of anger I felt towards my physically, verbally and emotionally abusive mother. It was only when I found out from her sister what sort of a childhood THEY had had, that I realized my mother was doing her best. Her best may have been rubbish in my young idealistic eyes but it was all she was capable of, given her past. It was at that point that I felt compassion and understanding for her and started to let go of the anger.)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 May 2017):
 Did you try CBT/CEBT? (Cognitive emotional behavioral therapy) or just a therapist?
THERE is a huge difference. YOU (if you have been diagnosed with OCD and have these VERY obsessive thoughts) need a therapist who specializes in this.
And yes, therapy can help. It doesn't "cure" you but give you the tools to control your OCD - your rituals and obsessive thoughts. That is something that TAKES times and in my OWN PERSONAL experience a good therapist.
YOU can read up online about how to deal with the day to day with OCD but there is no instant fix. This is something YOU have to work on WITH the help of a therapist.
I have dealt with OCD from my teenage years and without therapy, I'd probably have fallen apart decades ago. And I know if others who have had obsessive behavior/thoughts who did and didn't have therapy - those who didn't are still living their lives around the rituals, the anxiety, the fears. Not having control OVER them. Which is what you CAN learn from CBT.
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