A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Guys, would you ever take a girls virginity then that's it, never speak to her again? I'm 16 and a virgin and although I sort of want to lose my virginity I'm terrified in case it's with the wrong guy.I don't want my first time to be a one night stand or a joke I want it to mean something and I'm scared that whoever that guy ends up being will not appreciate what I just gave him.. The thought of having sex never use to scare me until recently and I don't understand why. As well as him leaving me, I'm just generally scared about the pain and the after emotional effects too. Any advice will really help me thanks :)
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 November 2015):
 Don't have sex till you have been dating a good while, till you FEEL love and being loved.
Now you and he may not work out long term. There are no guarantees on that.
I was older than you (19) when I met my first BF and we dated 6 months before having sex. He wasn't a virgin, I was. I actually never told him till the day of the "deed" (so to speak) because I didn't think it was important. We were together another 4 years after that - living together for more than 3 years. Good guy. No regret sleeping him as my first.
Some girls sleep with a guy because they think that having had sex will "make" him love them and want to be with them. It rarely works that way. Women "chemically" bond over sex, not all men do.
Or they think they will become popular if they give it up to a "popular" guy. When all they really do, is become a notch in the guy's bedpost.
So TAKE your time getting to know someone. Take your time deciding if you care for him and he cares for you.
And there is no hurry in having sex. Sex should ideally be between to CONSENTING adults (or YA of legal age) who cares about each other and want to share that "first".
And don't be fooled into thinking that you can get to know and love someone by texting them a million times a day. Spend time with the guy (and with clothes on) do things together you both enjoy, see how he interact with your friends, with his friends, strangers etc.
And above all else... when you DO find a guy you can see yourself with long term whom you WANT to share this "first" with, make sure you BOTH have considered birth-control and KNOW how to put on condoms, don't be a statistic. Don't be a teen-mom.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou soo much! Every single one of you gave absolutely amazing advice and youve all made valid points. I've got what most girls that I know my age don't have, and can't ever get back and I should give that to someone who loves me rather than just tryna get it over with. I shouldn't be trying to follow the cliqué that being a virgin in college is a bad thing when it isn't.
I'm actually scared to death about having sex the first time, for a load of different reasons and that even if I plan to have sex with a guy then change my mind, he'll go ahead anyway. I definitely need to wait until I've met somebody that I have no doubts whatsoever about. Even if that means waiting a few more years. Thankyou so much everyone I really appreciate your advice :)
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A
male
reader, .Nick +, writes (12 November 2015):
 Short answer: Yes. Guys will do that. Guys are arseholes. There are guys who will take advantage of you like that and not even think twice about it.Tbh, I think the whole concept of losing virginity is way overplayed. I lost mine my freshman year of college in a totally consensual way to a girl who I dated for maybe a month. We broke up shortly after because things just weren't working out. We don't talk to this day because I hurt her too bad (and I don't even consider myself an arsehole).Mine was 100% the wrong girl. Do I regret it? Nope. Consensual sex is super fun, when done safely. So don't think about it. When the time is right, you will feel it and it will be okay. The right guy won't appreciate it just because you gave him your virginity. He will appreciate you as a whole: As a beautiful, kind, smart, loving woman who brings awesome things to the sexual table.That said, just you do you. Don't put any unfair pressures on yourself. You'll be okay.Best of luck in life and love,-Nick
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2015): what a very sensible question.My advice is to wait and get to know your partner on a deeper level because some people can be very emotionally upsetting.Your virginity is not a burden.People obssess about it as if it is,but it really is just the way nature made you .Most girls who start off as virgins eventually end up as mothers.By the time that entire process is completed , the elegant innocence of youth feels very far away, when you are giving birth with everyone peering up your vagina to see if they can see the babies head crowning.Gone are those great "you mustnt have sex , your vagina is private worries."By then your vagina will feel as though its the london underground with every one pushing for a ticket.Yes ,even those same people who told you it was something never to be seen or touched or looked at!Regarding the first time you want a guy who is intrinsically decent,maybe even engaged to you.You dont want smart arsses or foul mouthed individuals spreading their coarse analysis of your bits.You want someone you can trust.You dont want to get pregnant because that is not your ambition right now so you need contraception on your part.You dont want hiv chlamydia or aids so the answer is that you really want a guy who has no prior experience.A virgin in fact.Some guys are so hung up on virginity that they think of it like a bad mark against their soul, but it is in fact a blessing because they will enjoy it and they have no diseases to spread to you.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (12 November 2015):
 you are young. it may not seem like it now, but time is on your side. don't rush this,you more than likely will have regrets to look back on. you have something you can give to someone special at any time in the future. you maybe feeling pressure from guys at school. the girls you know that has given it away already, can't get their virginity back to give to that special someone, they may have regrets with whom they had sex with. you can give your virginity at any time in the future to a guy so what is the rush. don't give your self heart ache , and regrets. if you really knew the thoughts of some of your friends they would more than likely have waited on having sex, and not rushing to get it over, they more than likely would not admit it to you if they have regrets. at your age more guys will be out for sex , and not so much for commitment. just think about it o.k. i hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2015): The best way to make sure he serious about you is to make him wait....and wait....and wait. A guy who is serious about you will wait. A guy who is not wont.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (12 November 2015):
I don't think you should be in a hurry to lose your virginity, especially at 16. But I was in the same mind-set at your age so I'm not criticizing you.
Guys your age are going thru the same hormonal thing you are. They want sex crazy bad, whether they have long-term romantic intentions or not. You'll know when a guy is sincerely interested in you for more than just a sexual fling. There is a certain chemistry that makes you comfortable on a cerebral plane as well as a sexual one. It will take you a number of dates or at least hours and hours spent together to determine whether your feelings are genuine, mutual and long-lasting. In any case, don't give you virginity up until he says he loves you and is in an exclusive relationship with you for at least a month.
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