A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been together for almost a year and a half. I am somewhat saddened to reveal that i no longer have an desire to be with her anymore. I no longer find her attractive, and have been secretly seeing someone else. I know, I know, shame on me. I got it. Thing is, though is that the woman I have been seeing is literally everything i want in a woman. I know most people will tell me not to let lust cloud my vision, but thats definitely not the case. I was married once before and it ended very badly not to my doing. My current wife has been arguing with me for the last 5 months almost every day if not every other day. I know she isn't happy, and I cant say that I am, either. I would like some suggestions on how to end this marriage making as few waves as possible. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, "non-soapbox preacher" and SamauriRick. As least someone knows somewhat where I am coming from. For the rest of the general public, however; please do not get my words twisted. I never cheated on my first wife. She got pregnant while i was deployed overseas. (By the way it wasnt mine) As far as my second wife, however, i have only recently been seeing this new woman. Perhaps someone out there has heard the term "nothing fights"?... This is what i deal with on an everyday basis. I have never blamed my first failed marriage on my current wife.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): If you have been married twice it seems like you have issues with fidelity so how do you know this woman your seeing is actually "everything you want in a woman" because didn't you already find that twice before? Relationships take time to develop and you never know how someone truly is in the beginning stages of a relationship when you are blinded and think that person can do no wrong. Stop repeating the same mistakes in your history and take time to look at yourself and how you can change for the better. Don't blame your wives.
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (27 May 2008):
 I think you already know the answers to you own questions. Both you and you wife arent happy and to add to it you found a woman to replace her already.
If your going to end your marriage its best you do it now, especially if you dont have kids yet.
As for how you do it...carefully. Use some tact and discuss your diffences with your wife and help her see that its not worth continuing. Dont bring up the other woman!
Not much more I can say... Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): I am not going to get on my soapbox about the whole infidelity thing...although please know that I am greatly opposed to it. I just feel I want to point a couple of things out - to see if you have given any thought to this yourself. You say you have been "seeing someone else" - for how long? The reason I am interested is that you also say you have been arguing alot with your wife for about 5 months. I wonder if you have ever linked the two? There is no doubt in my mind that you will have been doing/saying things that have demonstrated your "moving on" to your wife - even if you aren't aware of this. You cannot seperate the cheating and your life at home - you would be behaving differently, I'm guessing your sex life is all but gone if you're getting it elsewhere, and you would also ONLY see negative aspects of your wife and your life together. You will feel so good about yourself when with the other woman, and she will seem so wonderful...you will ONLY see the good aspects of her at the moment! I am not suggesting you don't end your marriage, I guess I just want you to look at what is going on without the smudgy glasses on....be honest about the role you are probably playing in the marriage breakdown. You didn't give your marriage a chance the minute you decided the other woman was "everything you want in a woman". There is no way you will be able to end your marriage without making waves I don;t think - you have created a huge mess by becoming involved with someone else before ending things with your wife. IF she knows about your other woman the level of betrayal she will feel on top of the end of her marriage will be devastating...you will never be able to end it for any "reason" other than the fact you found someone you wanted more...even if this is not what you believe to be the case! You are going to break her heart. You need to accept that this is the case and be prepared to wear that. I am not suggesting she played no role in the breakdown of your marriage, but your actions have lead you to this place where there is probably no way you can have an amicable split. You need to have some time out from the other woman while you devote your energy to telling your wife the truth, telling her what you want and working out how you will separate.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): i see from what u said your 1st marriage ended badly and you wasnt at fault,again this marriage is falling apart and your blaming your wife,stop blaming your wives and realize what your doing is unacceptable behaviour and remember you married for better or worse
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